boundaries
Reclaim Your Peace And Power With Healthy Boundaries
Saying “no” is one of the most powerful things we can do to maintain our personal and spiritual well-being and energetic balance.
Many of us are caught up in the daily whirlwind of commitments, expectations, and the constant need to meet the demands of others. For those on a spiritual or esoteric path, this can be especially challenging.
The desire to be compassionate and supportive can sometimes blur the lines between compassion and self-neglect. However, one of the most profound spiritual lessons is this: it is okay to say no. In fact, it is imperative!
Knowing when and how to say no is a critical self-care skill that allows you to set healthy boundaries and protect your time, energy, and mental health. Moreover, it is crucial for our spiritual growth and essential for living a life filled with purpose and fulfillment.
Saying no and standing your ground requires recognizing your inherent worth and honoring your personal limits. Too often we stretch ourselves too thin, trying to be all things to all people. This may come from a fear of disappointing others or a belief that our value is in how much we give. Many of us also feel spiritually obligated to be there for others, often because we are so deeply affected by all the struggles and suffering we see in the world around us.
However, when we put the needs of others ahead of our own without balance, we risk depleting our physical, emotional, and spiritual energy. In such a depleted state, we are of no use to anyone.
Seeing The Spiritual Essence In Others
My world was turned upside down when my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. For seven agonizing months in 2005, I became his caregiver, managing the extreme emotional and physical toll of his illness.
Even the hospice staff, experienced in end-of-life care, commented at the time that my father was not an easy patient to care for. Their observation confirmed my own feelings on the matter and highlighted the unique challenges of the difficult karmic relationship I had with my father.
Throughout this stressful time, I held out hope for a miracle. I felt compelled to seek guidance, but unfortunately Spirit revealed a timeline of six to twelve months. This devastated me at the time, but I’ve since come to accept that arrivals and departures are part of every soul’s journey. Spirit was simply confirming a poignant truth: at some point we are all called home to the spirit realm.
Despite his resistance to any form of treatment, my father allowed a trusted colleague of mine, a master in his healing modality, to visit our home weekly for body alignment sessions. These sessions became a turning point — not only for my father, but for me as well.
During their second session, my healer friend shared an observation that struck a deep chord. He sensed an immense amount of bitterness and resentment in my father, energies he had perceived without any prior knowledge of my father’s emotional state or life history. He then offered me a piece of wisdom that changed the way I viewed not only my father, but all of my relationships: “Try to see only the true spiritual essence that is your father.”
The Self-Affirming Power Of Saying No
Are you the kind of person who has a hard time saying “no,” even when your heart isn’t in it?
Maybe you’re afraid of disappointing others, afraid they’ll distance themselves, or afraid they’ll stop liking you if you say no. Maybe your introverted side just wants to be liked and accepted by everyone, so you agree to things – even if it drains you.
I’ve experienced this myself and seen it happen to many people who come to me and ask, “How can I say no without feeling guilty?” or “If I don’t say yes, will I lose my connection with this person?
Saying “yes” out of fear, guilt, or obligation may be the easy way out in many situations, but it usually comes at a high cost to your personal and spiritual well-being.
Let’s acknowledge something important: You are enough just the way you are, and you are worthy of peace, joy and happiness. If someone truly values you, they’ll respect your boundaries, even if it means saying “no” once in a while.
On the other hand, if people cut you off because you set boundaries, they may not have been the healthiest presence in your life to begin with. True friends and meaningful relationships will respect your choices and understand your reasons without demanding constant explanations.
Over time, I’ve seen the toll that over-commitment takes. People who constantly say “yes” often end up feeling drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful. Some develop physical and mental health problems because they feel trapped by the constant need to please others. In some cases, burnout and depression set in, all because saying no felt like an impossible task.
Not Everyone Chooses The Path Of Healing
You’ve probably heard the phrase “what they don’t know can’t hurt them.” Sometimes this is true, but there are also times when what people choose to ignore or disregard can cause real harm – not only to themselves, but also to those around them.
For those of us with psychic or spiritual gifts, there’s an added complexity: the ability to sense the struggles of others, which leads to the question of when and how to help.
Intuitives, channelers and healers are very aware of the energy of others, even when we’re just going about our daily routines. Whether it’s a stranger in the grocery store or a friend across the room, we tend to sense when someone is struggling with grief, trauma or stress.
We may choose to quietly send them comforting or healing energy, hoping it will ease their pain, even if only for a moment, yet the urge to help can be very strong in these situations. And while reaching out and offering help can be very uplifting or rewarding for everyone involved, there are times when our attempts to help are met with resistance, or worse, denial.
It’s especially challenging to see someone we care about turn a blind eye to their own needs or pain, and even more so when our support is disregarded or unappreciated.
One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in both my personal and professional life is that I can only help those who are willing to help themselves. The sad truth is that sometimes people choose not to act on information that could improve their lives or change their destiny. Instead, their negativity, anger, or fear allows the problem to fester or the behavior to grow, affecting not only themselves but also their loved ones. Over time, this denial creates a cycle of suffering that affects physical, mental and karmic health and well-being, sometimes for generations.
Forgiveness Is Choosing To Take Back Your Power
Ah, forgiveness! Such a misunderstood concept. For many people, forgiveness, as noble as it may sound, is very difficult, even impossible.
Sometimes certain wrongs are so grave to us that the offender doesn’t deserve forgiveness in our eyes. There is also a misconception that forgiving someone is tantamount to excusing or justifying their terrible actions. But forgiveness is not about absolving someone of responsibility. Instead, it is a powerful, personal act of release and healing.
When we forgive someone, whether they’ve hurt us emotionally, betrayed our trust, or even caused us physical harm, we’re not letting them off the hook.
We are not condoning their actions or giving them permission to repeat those offenses. Rather, we are choosing to free ourselves from the weight of resentment, pain, and bitterness that binds us to them and their past actions.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It allows us to move forward without the burden of past grievances and with an open heart, free of resentment.
By forgiving, we determine for ourselves that the transgressor’s actions and the memory of their misdeeds will no longer hold us hostage or march with us into the future.
While we may not be responsible for what happened to us in the past, we are responsible for how we choose to carry the memory of it into the future. This is the power of forgiveness: it gives us the strength to embrace our present reality with clarity, compassion, and freedom. It also transforms our future, for it is ultimately a karmic choice that will shape our destiny in ways we will only understand much later in this life and beyond.
The Life Lessons We Learn From Children
We can learn so much from children if we really pay attention and make the effort to see things from their perspective. Children embody a purity and wisdom that most adults have lost touch with in the complexities of daily life.
Many women in my age group, known as the “baby boomers,” were so busy trying to have a career and a family. We believed we could do it all, but in the process we missed many of the little things our children had to teach us. I was guilty of that.
But now that I have grandchildren in my life and have had the opportunity to take the time to see things differently, I have learned many profound lessons and insights from them over the years.
In their early years, children are still deeply connected to their spiritual origins and carry with them a high level of soul awareness that has not yet been clouded by the demands of physical life and the challenges of human existence.
This active spiritual awareness allows them to move through the world with an openness and purity that adults often struggle to maintain. Unencumbered by societal expectations, ego-driven desires, or fear of judgment, they are able to express love, joy, and creativity in their most authentic form.
Because they haven’t yet been conditioned by the limitations and constraints of the material world, children serve as powerful teachers, offering us glimpses of the spiritual truths that are easily forgotten in the hustle and bustle of adult life. They remind us of the infinite potential of our own souls and inspire us to reconnect with the deeper, more meaningful aspects of our being.
What Comes First: Friendship Or Romance?
Is it really necessary to build a solid foundation of friendship when you already have a gut feeling that the person you just met might be “the one”?
This is a question I sometimes get from clients seeking a love or relationship reading. They want to know whether they should focus on building a friendship first if they feel that their relationship has the potential to lead to a long-term commitment or marriage.
The answer can vary depending on the people involved and the unique dynamics of their relationship.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, building a friendship can provide a stable foundation for the deeper layers of a romantic relationship. Friendship helps create a space where mutual respect, understanding, and shared values can flourish – qualities that are crucial to a lasting partnership.
I find many folks jump into a relationship with both feet, convinced they’ve found their true soulmate, only to be disappointed later.
Developing a strong friendship with your partner can be incredibly beneficial. It allows you to get to know each other on a deeper level without the pressure or distractions that often come with romantic and physical intimacy. In a friendship, you’re more likely to feel comfortable being your authentic self. This authenticity can lead to a stronger emotional connection, which can then become the foundation for a more serious romantic connection.