suffering
Spiritual Living Still Requires Sustainable Action
As a spiritual counselor to many with the gift of intuition, my goal is to connect with the unseen to inspire others to live in the world that I know is still possible, where avoidable suffering and tragedy are events of the past, and where each of us can live our best lives ever.
A dear friend recently contacted me from beautiful California, where multiple wildfires, fueled by the annual Santa Ana winds, have been raging throughout the state. I asked how she was faring during the season of high winds and smoke, and her reply was that life was normal as usual and that nothing out of the ordinary was occurring.
Having lived through wildfires, earthquakes, storms, and other extreme events of nature, I was taken aback that my friend seemed unshaken by the present threats. But then I remembered the refrain that my dear mother often repeated, “This too shall pass.” This was often coupled with another reminder that prayer, or positive thoughts, also require a corresponding, uplifting action.
Before my conversation with my friend ended, I carefully coached her to always be ready to protect herself and her family in the face of developments that were beyond her realm of control – especially from that deep spiritual center she draws her life’s energy and direction.
Spiritually speaking, we all have the right to be safe in the presence natural events, or unexpected crisis that may arise in our worlds. But living a life guided by Spirit also requires that we do our part to protect ourselves. This protection might take the form of creating a financial nest egg to keep afloat in the event there is a major change with employment, for example. Our personal responsibility might also manifest as shoring up one’s pantry with food and water in event a grocery supply is hampered.
There Is Nothing To ‘Fix’
If we can appreciate that everything in the Universe is composed of, and moved by energy, we would also have to concur that this magnanimous mysterious energy vibrates.
If this vibration determines how the state of matter’s density and frequency is measured and monitored, we must also conclude that like sound, the occurrence of its regularity in various designated patterns (as with elements) institute reliability in the state of transferred chaos. It is through the exchange of energy (attraction, cohesion and repulsion) that life is established and maintained. In other words balance is arbitrarily formed by the opposite action undertaken.
Now, after having said all of that, in the entire elementary, short, diffused chemistry or physics lesson…what is my point? My point is that in the midst of our seemingly chaotic lives, we are living very much in balance, but we refuse to accept it. We spend most of our precious life time seeking to find something we already are in possession of.
We are vibrating to and through the essential experiences including all of the circumstances, people, places, things and so-called problems necessary for us to exist. We are not ‘out of line,’ or out of order, or out of chances. We won’t be still enough to completely feel the fragility of our inherent unconquerable strength.
We are always on the lookout for something (a career, relationship, lover, friends, family, involvement) that is better, newer, shinier, emotionally less complicated, faster to bring desired results, easier, more beneficial, productive, financially rewarding, gratifying, and certainly less stressful.
What To Believe When You Come Undone
So much of the typical human belief system is actually in direct opposition to the concepts of spiritual law. Let’s take the idiom “Life is too short,” for example. This saying is used to essentially suggest or convince oneself or another that we don’t live long…so just live for the now and just do what’s desirable regardless of the consequences. Well, wrong!
The soul’s journey is quite a long one. We reincarnate through many centuries of lifetimes, until our souls have completely evolved, returning to each new life with lessons to learn based on beliefs, karma and decisions made in our prior lives.
For example, a slave master born might return in his next life as a slave, to face his karma and endure what it’s like to be treated as such, and ultimately understand why it’s wrong. So, in reality, life is ‘too long.’ Every action has a reaction – an energetic effect. Thus, we need to be cognizant and conscientious of all that we say and do in this life, and not just engage or divulge in whatever we please, because of a physically limited life span.
That same theory of misunderstandings and contradictions between spiritual concepts and human beliefs, more detrimentally applies to life struggles and emotional well-being. How many times have you prematurely mourned a relationship…then wound up reuniting with your partner? Or maybe you lost your favorite job and felt hopelessly valueless and depleted, foreseeing eternal darkness, only to find your dream job shortly after? Moments, days, weeks, months, years, where you either take on a defeatist attitude, and suffer, or become a control freak and try to take matters into your own hands. Thinking you are, but not trusting that you are not, the wizard behind the curtain?
Unconditional Love Is Heaven On Earth
When I was a little girl, I remember going to my grandparents’ home during the summers. I couldn’t wait for the summer to arrive, to get to spend time with them. It was always magical. The months leading up to those wonderful stays were always filled with anticipation and excitement.
Always having something to look forward to adds to the enjoyment and contentment of life. Whether it’s an upcoming event or something we are looking forward to, such trying an adventurous activity, or reading that new book you’re excited to dive into. Books have always been for me a bit of a mental vacation, because you can relax, while going places to imaginative places in your mind.
I believe the magic and enjoyment of getting to spend time with my grandparents came from it being filled with love and attention. Thinking back now, they were the only adults, when I was younger, who gave me their full attention and truly unconditional love. They were never too busy to sit and talk with me, or share stories from their childhood, which I found very fascinating.
Not all Grandparents are alike though. Some can be all about gossip, judgment, neglect, even abuse, and not the best role models. I was lucky that on my mother’s side of the family this was not the case. My maternal grandparents had all the traits and attributes one would imagine a truly loving grandparent to have.
I have memories of being in tears when having to leave and go back home. There I just spent my days alone in my room, as my parents were often too busy with church and other social groups they were involved in. I suspect all that time I was forced to spend on my own, helped me to expand and open my mind, to tap into those deeper areas of the psyche that are often left dormant.
We Are All Worthy Of Forgiveness
Sometimes my brokenhearted clients ask when the person they love will also hurt the way they have been hurt by them. They have been wounded, sometimes very deeply, and they so desperately want to know that the one who hurt them will also suffer in the end. Preferably, a lot!
They desire retribution for all the pain, suffering and deceit they have suffered due this person. There has to be some kind of justice. Isn’t there some form of karma, they will ask pleadingly.
Some spiritual teachings and belief systems suggest that our most emotionally challenging experiences in this lifetime occur as a result of life lessons we have agreed upon with other souls, before being born into this particular lifetime. This concept is known as our life plan, soul agreement or soul contract, among other.
These challenges can present themselves as blockages and patterns, that we aspire to finally recognize on a soul level and then to rise above – too often after repeating the same lessons many times over during this lifetime and others.
Yes, it makes sense to me that there is a profound lesson in harsh, life-changing experiences, but it’s not so easy to see it that way, and to believe it could be something we would have agreed to, especially when we hurt so badly now.
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.
Loser-Victims And Their Helpers
If you grow up receiving a lot of ‘negative attention’ you are taught that love feels and sounds like being told (or shown) that you are always wrong, slow, stupid, annoying, useless, not worth the time and energy, not lovable, and never, ever, good enough. This means that as a child, you would only receive attention when you were told that you were doing things wrong, or that you were a ‘loser.’ This early patterning gets imprinted in the still developing neural pathways of a child.
If you grew up receiving a lot of negative attention, as an adult your way of ‘winning’ in life, and your way of feeling accepted and loved, is to seek negative attention… and turn yourself into a loser and victim.
Someone who has been raised in this manner, tend to insert themselves into the lives of people they think matter to them. They target people who seem important to them and whose opinions matter. They will then consistently create situations where they can be the loser. They will always be the one that is ‘slow,’ the one that ‘can’t be helped,’ or the one with poor social skills.