siblings
Grandma’s Love Was The Best
I remember what Grandma was wearing when she passed away. I also recall exactly what she said and everything else that happened that day, right down to the violets I picked in the backyard to place in her hand. She was wearing an oversized Winnie the Pooh T-shirt that could have been a night dress, I’m not sure. She had her red robe on and black slippers lined with greyish fluff.
She was told she was being taken to the nursing home, but it was actually hospice she would be going to. She could no longer walk and had fallen, and no one was able to pick her up. Not even myself. I wish I could, but I just was not able to.
I sensed she wasn’t to going be with us very much, and I was very upset about it. But constantly having to give her blood transfusions and her being in so much pain, it was the right decision at the time. I have made peace with that now.
Settling her into the hospice, Grandma was adamant the bed be taken out, as it was unbearably uncomfortable. She kept saying, “I just want to go home and die. This is no way to live. I’m ready to go.” She also told me, if I ever needed her after she had gone, all I would have to do is call her name, and she would be there for me. Grandma kept her promise to me. To this day I still feel her around me all the time, especially when I think of her and call her name.
I think the worst thing I ever experienced in my entire life was walking into that hospice room after she had passed and seeing her shell of a body. She was no longer there, obviously, but she was still around. I felt she was somewhere in the room looking at us and saying her goodbyes.
Pain had made her very bitter towards the end of her life. She wasn’t herself anymore because she was on so many different strong medications and invasive treatments. I sensed that she longed to be with her departed husband and her dear mother who passed when she was just a young girl. Her mom was also a psychic and apparently really good with things like Numerology and dreaming lucky numbers. I loved hearing all those stories.
Birth Order And The Empath
Most of us are familiar with the notion that the personality traits of the firstborn are typically different from the middle sibling, or the youngest child in the family, and so on. But many empaths do not realize how they may be impacted by their birth order in the family.
In The Birth Order Book, author Kevin Lemar gives a detailed outline of these so-called ‘birth order’ characteristics and qualities.
Firstborns, as well as only children, for example, are often associated with leadership attributes and stronger personalities, along with being more protective, fearless, and reliable than their siblings. However, the firstborn may also exhibit some less desirable traits, such as being controlling, bossy and impatient.
The middle-born tend to be social butterflies and peacekeepers, who are focused on fairness and keeping everyone happy. The youngest-born tend to be fun-loving, outgoing, creative, free spirited and can be adept at manipulating others to do things for them.
Only children tend to be mature for their age, perfectionistic and conscientious, but may feel the burden of high parental expectations.
The Firstborn Empath
My experience with empaths has been that the firstborn and only child empaths are indeed more protective, fearless, independent, reliable, but in the empath these protective instincts are magnified tenfold.
They also tend to feel it is their responsibility to solve every human problem and protect everyone around them, regardless. I often see a very enhanced sense of responsibility.
My Near-Death Experience
About 12 years ago, right before Christmas, I had a lot going on in my life. I was taking care of my two kids and my brother. My cousin had a three-month-old baby, whose mother was in the hospital with complications due to diabetes. He brought me his new baby and asked if they could stay with us, and if I could care for his son while he worked. He was working the night shift, from around 7pm till 4am. Of course, I said I would help in any way I could.
Between my kids’ and my brother’s schedules, and now this new baby who was colicy, I was exhausted at the end of the second week. Somehow, I also got food poisoning. Never having had food poisoning before, I didn’t know the symptoms and thought I had a touch of stomach flu. Being so tired, I hadn’t realized how sick I actually was. After about 18 hours of fluid loss, I become so dehydrated that I had a seizure. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I fell down. Apparently, I was clinically dead for around 1½ minutes.
I did not experience all of the typical near-death phenomena. There was not any floating over my body; there was no white light, no tunnel. I was simply here and then I was there. The first thing I remember is walking along a sort of grassy path. I don’t remember turning around to look behind me, but, I just knew that there was a darkness from which I came, back there.
There were two people there to greet me. A woman and a man, the woman spoke to me first, and the man was a little ways behind her. Today, I could not tell you who these people were. But, when I was there, I was so glad to see them. It was like when I had sent my kids to summer camp, and they were gone for all those summer months, and I missed them terribly. It was the same feeling I got when seeing my children for the first time returning home. I had a deep love and bond with these two people.
The next thing I remember is that I was taken to the top of a mountain. There was no journey to get there, I was just there. The only way to describe the mountain is that it was like standing on top of Pikes Peak and looking out. I was so high up that the only thing I could see was blue sky.
Walk In Faith As You Move Forward
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” I have relied on the words of this verse from 2 Corinthians for most of my life with much success, no matter how tough times have been.
What does it mean to walk in faith, and not by sight? Well, it means to keep going and to keep your faith in God, Spirit, a Higher Power, even when you are not sure of where exactly you are headed.
This past year these words could not have been more relevant. It has been very difficult for all of us, especially for those who have lost loved ones. Sadly, in our day and age, when a loved one passes, we don’t always get the support we need in order to get through the loss and get the help we need to move forward.
Processing grief on your own is no easy task. First we have to accept that our loved one is not with us in the physical sense anymore, but their soul is always with us. They will tell us that they are still here, but they do not want us to have an unhappy life, they don’t want us to be alone.
In our soul contract one of us agrees to leave before the other, whether it is a parent, husband, wife, child, sibling, whomever it may be, and that the one left behind would be experiencing what it means to endure such a loss.
As we struggle to move forward, people might say, why aren’t you feeling better yet? Time to get over it. Life goes on. Why are you still so sad? Well, it just doesn’t work that way, and anyone who has experienced such a loss understands that it takes a lot of time for the heart to truly heal.
I lost my husband of 31 years a long time ago. You don’t ever get over it completely, but it does get easier with time. It’s a step-by-step process, and having people that support you means so much to help you get through.
Spirit Says You Can’t Please Everyone
I have learned that people-pleasing is something that one simply cannot do. People must learn to do it for themselves. We cannot please everyone all of the time, and some people will never be satisfied anyway, no matter how much time, energy and love we offer them. They are simply not ever going to be happy, no matter what. Period.
I can think of various situations where one might feel the need to coddle and people-please those we love and care for, but in the end it will only bring us self dis-ease and stress.
For example, the child who tries to please and be there and do everything for the parent. Why is this a bad idea? Well, the parent may give up if their child tries to do everything for them. Especially if they are older and trying to find themselves and re-establish their own life, after taking care of everyone else their whole life.
Sometimes we can smother an ageing parent with kindness, by trying to do too much for them. When we do this, it makes them second guess their ability to do things for themselves. It may even cause them to worry, have anxiety, or become fearful of living.
It is good to be there for one’s elderly parents, however there is a line that can be crossed if we try and do too much and make them feel like they cannot do certain things anymore. Sure, if their driver’s license has been taken from them, for example, and they cannot see well anymore, then obviously driving them places makes sense. But, if they are still able to function normally, then let them!
Take Back Your Power!
Everyone has a story to tell about their love life. And some of have extremely abusive stories to tell. One common element that I have come across frequently in my work, is the fact that some people are treated with disrespect and emotional abuse, and yet they are still patiently waiting for the abuser to return to them!
When you ask them why, it is usually because they “still love” that person. Well, that is not love. It is simply an imagined need that has been created by the abuser, or by one’s lack of self-worth. It is a psychological illusion, not real.
If you are still waiting for someone to come back into your life, after they left you for someone else, you are making yourself the second choice. You are degrading your own true value and taking away from your self-worth.
During a workshop I presented on this subject, I asked the participants to write down why they felt they needed that other person in their life. In essence, all their responses ended up being about lack of self-esteem, self-respect and self-security.
The next step was to ask them how they would you feel if they saw someone treating their daughter, or son, in the same way they have been allowing the abusive partner to treat them? They all said they wouldn’t tolerate it. They would intervene and get that person out of their lives, or at least try. One of the delegates even went as far as to say, “I would lock her in the house and never let her out again.” Which might be a great idea under the circumstances, but obviously not realistic!
Connecting With Loved Ones In Spirit
We can connect at any time with our loved ones who are no longer in this world. They are with us always, no matter where we are. Whenever you feel the need, you can communicate with them, be it a grandparent, parent, sibling, best friend, or anyone else who you had a meaningful relationship with while they were alive.
Connecting with our loved ones in spirit is not as complex or difficult as it may seem. You just have to believe you can, and you absolutely will. You can project yourself in your mind to any place you wish. It can also be a time in the past, that you wish to revisit. We have the power of our mind and if we only use it we can go wherever and visit with whomever whenever.
If you have the desire to see them again, you can ask for them to visit you in the dream or in the astral realm, or you can go into a meditation and visualize, and connect that way. Close your eyes. Remember them, as they were in life. Recall the feelings that you experienced when you used to be around them, the love that you shared.
Your heart may start to feel ‘tingly’ and you may start to hear their voice. You may even receive a message from them. They may tell you how much they love you. And they do. Always. It is that very feeling of love, that true, pure emotion, that connects us to those we love on the Other Side. Love is the very energy that created everything.
Do not ever feel hopeless that you are disconnected from or abandoned by your loved ones. They are a part of you forever, and they are right where you are now. They merely exist on a different plane now.