Birth Order And The Empath

Most of us are familiar with the notion that the personality traits of the firstborn are typically different from the middle sibling, or the youngest child in the family, and so on. But many empaths do not realize how they may be impacted by their birth order in the family.

In The Birth Order Book, author Kevin Lemar gives a detailed outline of these so-called ‘birth order’ characteristics and qualities.

Firstborns, as well as only children, for example, are often associated with leadership attributes and stronger personalities, along with being more protective, fearless, and reliable than their siblings. However, the firstborn may also exhibit some less desirable traits, such as being controlling, bossy and impatient.

The middle-born tend to be social butterflies and peacekeepers, who are focused on fairness and keeping everyone happy. The youngest-born tend to be fun-loving, outgoing, creative, free spirited and can be adept at manipulating others to do things for them.

Only children tend to be mature for their age, perfectionistic and conscientious, but may feel the burden of high parental expectations.

The Firstborn Empath

My experience with empaths has been that the firstborn and only child empaths are indeed more protective, fearless, independent, reliable, but in the empath these protective instincts are magnified tenfold.

They also tend to feel it is their responsibility to solve every human problem and protect everyone around them, regardless. I often see a very enhanced sense of responsibility.

Empathy is really the opposite of spiritual meanness. It’s the capacity to understand that every war is both won and lost. And that someone else’s pain is as meaningful as your own ~ Barbara Kingsolver

Guilt is another common firstborn empath trait. The are often deeply affected by the choices and actions of their siblings and family members choices, to the point of assuming responsibility on their behalf, combined with over-compensating and obsessive care-taking.

Firstborn empaths are quick to action and solution oriented. They are problem-solvers and often rush in to provide support and solutions without allowing the other person to learn from their mistakes and build confidence through trial and error.

The fearless ‘rebel without a cause’ instinct can be a double-edged sword for the firstborn empath. The key is for them to give others the time and space to find their own path, make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. Instead of stepping in, they should let their loyalty, support and love be the key. They must only offer advice or help when asked.

The firstborn empath must learn to ‘cheer from the sidelines’ by taking their hands off the emotional healing wheel and letting their loved ones figure it out for themselves.

The Middle-Born Empath

Middle-born empaths are natural peacemakers, often to their own detriment – most certainly to their own peace of mind and well-being. They are natural energy shields, often inserting themselves between conflicting family members.

While a firstborn will rush in and declare how it will be, a middle-born empath seeks to appease everyone involved and twist themselves into an psychological pretzel to meet everyone’s demands and expectations. Middle-born empaths never want anyone to feel slighted, or to walk away permanently. Over time this can become extremely draining, as tensions rise, and issues remain unresolved.

The middle-born empath is able to see things from both sides and naturally find the middle road. They must learn to understand that compromise may not be in every family member’s wheelhouse. They must express their view, but then step back. Given time and space, others may become more inclined to come around to the middle-born’s views of the matter, as opposed to insisting that the empath takes their side every time.

As children and adults, we are shamed for our sensitivities rather than supported. But at this point in my life, I wouldn’t give up being an empath for anything. It lets me sense the secrets of the universe and know passion beyond my wildest dreams ~ Judith Orloff

The Youngest-born Empath

Youngest-born empaths have the wonderful gift of being naturally creative, freedom-oriented, and innately confident. They are careful observers, yet bring a sense of lightness and joy to stressful situations.

They also have a keen sense of where the path to happiness lies, because they recognize it without any filter of expectation or pressure. Youngest-born empaths want everyone to be happy and find it easy to accommodate those around them. The path of least resistance makes sense for them. They want to be a source of joy.

The issue here can be that a youngest-born empath tends to get so wrapped-up in being everyone’s best friend that they lose touch with their true gifts and talents. Most importantly, they may lose their sense of what they feel is right and true for them. They must be sure to be clear about what they truly want and desire, without giving in to living up to the expectations of others.