self-worth
The Importance Of Self-Trust
Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with self. And the cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust. Unfortunately, it is easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because all of us have or will make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.
A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves; a job opportunity eludes us; or a friendship fractures beyond repair. We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we may begin to question our own abilities, our dreams, and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.
Every time we replay an event we label a failure the doubt in our own judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can be a vicious one.
So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t, I know I should have done…,” then stop and choose to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.
Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.
Inside And Outside – What Your Home Says About You
Can we define someone by looking beyond their personal space, such as how they tend to the exterior of their home and garden? Well, I fully believe this can be accomplished by eyeing a few simple details.
I recently had a visit from a lady that I have known for a very long time. She comes from a large family and has had some difficulties over the years with particular family members. Her younger sister has always been a source of contention with her. Recently, she felt it was time to sit down and have a serious chat with this sister, to see if they could come to terms with the rift between them.
After they had their talk, it seemed to her that all of the past differences had finally been resolved, and they now could proceed into the future with a more gentle and sincere approach towards one another. But soon she was shocked to find her sister pulling an unwarranted and mean-spirited stunt.
She was quite mystified after this spiteful event. It left her feeling hurt and confused. She then asked me if we could examine the situation, to see if we could find a just cause for the younger sister’s unacceptable behavior.
As it happened, I had recently paid a visit to the younger sister’s home. I had not been to see her for a very long time and held no preconceived ideas as to what condition she, or her home, would be in.
The younger sister has been married for a very long time, to a man who is not a bad guy by the world’s standards, but certainly can be defined as a ‘wet blanket.’ I know she had found it a bit trying at times to be in a relationship such as this one, but she did what a lot of people do under the circumstances – they pretend everything is okay in order to keep up appearances. This I could understand to some extent, although I could not conceive how difficult it would be to live under those circumstances for a very long time.
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.
The Importance Of Self-Trust
Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with ourselves. The cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust.
Unfortunately it is quite easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because during our lives all of us have, or will, make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.
We all fail, and we all make mistakes. A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves. A job opportunity eludes us, or a friendship fractures beyond repair.
We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we begin to question our abilities, our dreams and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.
Every time we replay an event that we label a failure, the doubt in our judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can become vicious and destructive.
So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t! I knew I should have done it differently,” then stop the that negative thought pattern, and choose instead to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.
Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.
The Legacy Of The Modern Crone
The time of the crone is the third stage in the life of a woman, may she feels she has come full circle. The Crone is traditionally an archetypal figure for a ‘wise old woman.’ In ancient times the ‘crone’ was considered, in a matriarchal community, to typically be a mature woman past the age of menopause.
In society today, many women look at the time in life past menopause as a blessing. It is now considered a time to get on with life and achieve the things that may have been put on the backburner. It is a time when one hits that age where experience counts as true knowledge.
In my own opinion most of the women I know personally, who lived as young adults through the 1960’s and 1970’s, are not very much concerned with their physical age, as long as they have their health and feel good about themselves. They are not concerned about what society may call the age one is deemed ‘a crone.’
The term ‘crone’ is believed to originate from Rhea Kronia. Rhea is the ancient Greek goddess of female fertility, motherhood, and generation, also known as ‘Mother Time.’, She is also associated with black creatures, such as the crow, which is sacred and related to death.
There was a time when the crone was recognized as a treasured valued member of the community. Her advice was sought by those younger and less experienced. The good old golden rule was her belief of ‘the way life should be lived.’
Changing Your Think-Feel-Act Cycle
There is a popular saying, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” And since everything is energy, we often forget how true this is and how it plays out in our lives. We can be stuck in the same groove without noticing it. And then we think, where has time gone, and maybe it’s too late to change?
The good news is, as long as we are still breathing, it’s never too late to change and choose differently to create a different outcome.
All things in the Universe is energy vibrating at various frequencies, and so does our thoughts. This is highly relevant in the think-feel-act cycle of our mind-body connection. Our thoughts have an effect on our feelings, and then our actions, which ultimately produce outcome in our lives.
Our thoughts and feelings can even affect our body and physical health, as well as how a situation will play out in our relationships, finances, daily habits and lifestyle choices.
In relationships, it’s important to look at how we view ourselves first, as it has a direct relationship on how others will react to us. How we think, feel and act can make a big difference in relationship outcomes with friends, lovers, co-workers and family.
Living Ecstatic Bliss By Remaining Open To Life!
Nothing is for certain. We are not locked in. Everything is at our disposal. We are as free as the wind. Responsibility remains with ourselves, while duty and obligation have no place in our lives, when subjected onto us by someone else. It’s an inside job. The greatest disservice and most fierce act of unkindness we will ever do to another is when we negate, abate and sublimate our ‘natural and convenient’ innate desires.
Unless we are authentic and the real deal, we do not, have not, and will not show up for our lives, relationships and work. We are merely playing ridiculous games of pretense. Regrettably and stupidly, not the first one of them fulfills, sustains or registers. It’s simply a dreary monotonous merry-go-round.
The long and short of it is this: it matters what we do – but only to us! If we are doing anything for anyone at anytime, for any other reason than for the gut-driven, instinctive passion that drives us to express our deeply embedded sublime, sensual, sacred, sexual, artistic natures, we are nothing but disposable phonies. We are merely walking around, in a desperately empty, apathetically numbed, half-awake daze… haphazardly avoiding the next car that may plow right into us. The one and only problem with that unlived scenario: we won’t even know what hit us. Our short time here on Earth would have been null, void and without meaning.
What meaning, you may ask? You might not see any meaning, but you know you are here for some reason or purpose, you just don’t know what that is. Of course, you don’t, because you have not showed up for your life, yet. You walk around with either a chip (boulder) on your shoulder, because your life hasn’t’ worked out as you planned. Or maybe you are displaying an exalted sense of elevated importance, thinking you deserve more than you have.