self-worth
The Past Can Prevent Your Future
Why am I stuck? Why am I not advancing? Why can’t I find love? Why is money never coming to me and always flowing out from me? These are questions I struggled with for a long time in my own life.
I delved deep into many aspects of life design, manifesting change, the Law of Attraction, deliberate creating, and personal growth and reinvention. I have watched, listened and been active in more workshops, online webinars and online learning in this genre than most will ever do in a lifetime. I have read the books and taken many notes. I have made the visions boards and spoken the affirmations. But no matter where I turned, I was always confronted with actual reality versus trying to ‘positive think and believe’ something else. How can we believe we are destined to be something different or better simply by speaking it…or visualizing it? The truth is, it isn’t that simple.
In my search for answers I have also watched others who have participated in the forums, seminars and workshops, and actually achieved something significant in their life. And it has been my observation that the people who have truly risen above their circumstances and achieved their dreams, are the ones that did the deeper inner work.
Make Haste To Welcome Your Blessings
A friend was bursting with excitement recently over the possibility of a purchasing a new home. Her dream of home ownership was finally coming to fruition. Over and over again, she exclaimed, “I cannot believe this is actually happening!”
About ten minutes into our conversation, I found myself somewhat dismayed by my friend’s inability to grasp the blessing in front of her. Astonishingly, she cried tears of joy for the opportunity to purchase her dream home, while quickly losing her enthusiasm and asking how could she be on the receiving end of such a gift?
Somewhere in my dear friend’s consciousness was embedded a belief that not only was she not capable of owning prized real estate, she was equally not deserving of it.
I threw her a life vest, as I will no longer jump in the river of despair to save anyone. Although the tide of denial was high, and the currents of self-doubt were very strong, I reminded her of her rightful place in a glorious life. I reminded her that the Divine Presence within the Universe existed within her very being, and that love in its highest form radiated throughout her entire being.
Now, you might be asking, what’s love got to do with this? Love has everything to do with moving our minds and souls beyond self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. Love is a master healer that goes hand in hand with forgiveness. In its highest expression, love brings forth life, joy, and empowers each of us to become co-creators within our magnificent world. Love can be directed deep down to heal old wounds that have become anchors, and can free us from cold rivers of crippling despair.
How To Be That One Person
Being a ‘helper’ in someone’s life is a sacred task. To be the one person who believes deeply in another, who ‘sees’ them despite their current circumstances, to be that person who expects them to be bigger than they are, who helps them see and reach beyond where they are now, and who never abandons them, while managing to hold your own space and not get victimized or abused by their lashing out… these are the actions and expressions of spiritual maturity expressed as universal love.
Universal love and tolerance is not a choice for ‘weenies.’ It is in fact a hero’s journey. By the way, I do not use the term ‘unconditional love,’ because I feel it is an overused cliché and it too often implies a world of hugs, kisses, complements and affirmations – and that is not all that love is. Those expressions of love are often the self-gratification addiction of a wounded person, who needs to be thanked and adored for giving ‘love’ to someone else. It is typically also the trademarks of a co-dependent, or narcissist.
Hugs and kisses represent only one aspect of love. It is the safest and most fun aspect of ‘showing love.’ However, love is not simply all about physical tokens and making someone else ‘feel good,’ so you also can feel good. To be a loving, spiritually aware, humble, strong ‘secret agent’ of love goes way beyond dishing out hugs and kisses.
When Your Man Is Not Ready To Commit
I often hear how wonderful the guy is that she is dating… if only he would commit to taking their relationship to the next level! If a woman is not satisfied with the way things are going and what she is getting from the relationship, should she continue to wait for him?
By patiently waiting for him against your better judgment, he only learns that he can get away with his lack of commitment, especially if he feels comfortable with what he is getting from the relationship. This way a pattern is formed.
So, how do you avoid wasting some of the best years of your life waiting on a guy that is never going to commit? well, right from the start you tell him what your looking for and what your expectations are. But handle it carefully, after all you don’t want to scare him away before things even get off the ground!
But do let him know how you feel about dating, long-term relationships, commitment, marriage, children, and whatever else may be important to you. This will inform him, so that you have a better shot at being on the same page. If he starts to make excuses, or says that he is not interested in a long-term commitment, at least not right now, then accept his words as the truth.
True Love Comes Full Circle
When you feel a love connection with someone, why don’t things just automatically fall into place? Shouldn’t falling in love be easy and simple? For most, it is not, and the reasons vary.
A child only instinctively knows to fear falling and loud noises. Everything else is taught to us by our parents, culture, education system, media, and authority figures in our community. They are the ones that put values upon us, teaching us what is important, and what is not. Whether you agree with them or not, you absorb it, and more often than not mimic it. I often hear people say “I am nothing like my mother and father!” And yet, they emulate traits of their parents, especially the ones they dislike the most.
Love should be easy, but when it is not, perhaps it is because you have some work to do yourself. We co-create our relationships. If it is toxic, we each have a role. Difficult relationships are challenging and we all go through them – some more than others. I myself walked into an extremely toxic relationship thinking it was going to be an epic romance!
The Powerful Gift Of Self-Compassion
Empaths do not only have the capability to discern another person’ suffering or pain. We also have the gift of compassion – the ability, as well as the desire, to mitigate someone else’s pain, or alleviate it all together. The two abilities go hand in hand. I have yet to meet an empath who doesn’t express deep compassion and a sincere desire to mitigate pain and suffering. It’s a wonderful gift that the world could use a lot more of right now.
According to Emma Seppälä, a writer for the Harvard Business Review, compassion is a much better business management tactic than toughness. Research shows that the more compassionate response will get you more powerful results as a business manager.
Compassion inspires loyalty according to a study by Jonathan Haidt of New York University. Haidt found that the more employees looked up to their leaders, and were moved by their compassion or kindness (a state he called elevation), the more loyal they became to them. It follows then that responding with anger or frustration has the opposite effect.
‘Handling’ People
When people ‘handle’ me, it makes my skin crawl, literally. Why do people feel the need to ‘handle’ others? What is the difference between say being diplomatic with someone, being professional, or having boundaries, all of which are healthy behaviors, compared to ‘handling’ someone? The simple answer is energy.
Handling someone means you are a closed book, you have an agenda with a person and you want to accomplish that agenda, whether it is to get something from the person or to make that person go away (without you simply setting a boundary or being honest).
People who ‘handle’ others often do not know that is what they are doing; it is their unconscious ‘go-to’ behavior, their norm. Some ways of discovering if you are handling versus relating to someone, is to look at your other choices.
You may not realize that addicts always need handling. So, if you are an addict (of any kind — drugs, alcohol, sugar, sex, anything you feel compelled to do in excess), or if you tend to date, marry or make friends with addicts of any sort, you are more than likely someone who ‘handles’ others, as well as yourself. A handler type person will choose addicts often without realizing or admitting to themselves that they are an addict, because addicts do in fact need to be ‘handled’ until they come out of denial and start to participate in their recovery.