self-worth
‘Handling’ People
When people ‘handle’ me, it makes my skin crawl, literally. Why do people feel the need to ‘handle’ others? What is the difference between say being diplomatic with someone, being professional, or having boundaries, all of which are healthy behaviors, compared to ‘handling’ someone? The simple answer is energy.
Handling someone means you are a closed book, you have an agenda with a person and you want to accomplish that agenda, whether it is to get something from the person or to make that person go away (without you simply setting a boundary or being honest).
People who ‘handle’ others often do not know that is what they are doing; it is their unconscious ‘go-to’ behavior, their norm. Some ways of discovering if you are handling versus relating to someone, is to look at your other choices.
You may not realize that addicts always need handling. So, if you are an addict (of any kind — drugs, alcohol, sugar, sex, anything you feel compelled to do in excess), or if you tend to date, marry or make friends with addicts of any sort, you are more than likely someone who ‘handles’ others, as well as yourself. A handler type person will choose addicts often without realizing or admitting to themselves that they are an addict, because addicts do in fact need to be ‘handled’ until they come out of denial and start to participate in their recovery.
The Path To Self-Love
In the words of Esther Perel, when did we learn to live on crumbs? Who taught us not to need much and where did we learn to refrain from wanting, asking, needing? Wise words! I see it so often, in myself and in so many others. We dim our own lights so that others feel better about themselves. We sell ourselves short through self-criticism. We settle for mere crumbs in relationships. It is a common tendency especially among healers and those who are more empathic. The question is why do we do this and how can we alter the pattern?
Why do we do this? At the core of the issue is self-love – simply not feeling good enough about ourselves or worthy enough, because on some deep level our self-worth and self-love is damaged or wounded. No one escapes these issues as a result of being in this physical body and feeling like we are separated from our ultimate Source. We therefore are constantly searching for ways to prove our worth, to feel acceptance and love from others to validate ourselves.
Dealing With Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Family dynamics can be tremendously complex. These relationships are multi-layered and may have played out for ages. Next to love relationship, and then business, family relationships are at the top of the list for many of my clients.
For many family is a love-hate scenario, which can be particularly challenging. It is said we cannot choose our family, but we can choose how and when, or if, we interact with them. However, severing family ties is a big step and not one taken lightly. By the time this happens the drama, or abuse has been ongoing for years – many times beginning in childhood. A childhood that in spite the passage of time is as fresh and painful as it was when it occurred. If money and or control are woven into the mix, the matter doubles in complexity.
It’s an unfortunate truth that many of the people that I speak with, especially empaths, intuitives and highly sensitive people, have family histories that are rife with conflict, and often also abuse. They often share a feeling of not belonging, being singled out, or being the scapegoat of the family. The suffering is long-term and tragic, with the scars running deep.
When A Relationship Ends
Many requests for readings that I receive are about relationships, and a good percentage of those are about past relationships that just seem to keep hanging on in callers’ minds and dreams. There are often constant thoughts about the person, a longing for a second chance, or bitterness and remorse for time that now seems wasted.
The longer and more intense the relationship, the more battle scars and wounds exist. If it was a soulmate or twin flame connection, the aftermath can be gutting. The relationship has ended and the connection has been severed in this life. This time can be acutely painful. You know that you gave it everything. You hung in there for years, or you went to heroic lengths to ensure the survival of the relationship, but you fell short.
I am frequently asked, “Is it really over?” Of course, the answer depends on the particular circumstances and this is where a reading with a trusted psychic advisor can be very helpful. It can bring clarity, comfort and assurances about choices and decisions made along the way.
Why I Do Readings
The main thing I notice about being a channel is the focus on what healing is, its purpose, and how being a healer in service to others is held against being selfish.
If someone is fulfilled by sacrificial service (victim-savior relations) and this is their mission in life, then they would likely derive the greatest joys from this kind of sacrifice, because Spirit would bring them seekers who want that type of service. It is a sacrifice, indeed, although often cleverly disguised as a helping venue.
In any case, one can pick any way of healing that resonates for you. For me, I find that I prefer to educate my clients in terms of what an empath can and cannot (or should not do) in my opinion. Personally, I am not fulfilled by victim-savior scenarios. I don’t find them to be healthy on any level.
All the same, I used to fall into the trap of trying to ‘fix’ people, to the point that it was my main modus operandi in life – being prey for others that are seeking life source energy from others. I discontinued doing that when I realized several truths:
When True Beauty Shines Through
I was speaking recently with a friend who prefers to hide from the world. In his words, “I want people to remember me the way I used to look, instead of how I look now.” I couldn’t help but lower my head in that moment. I adore this man in every way. His looks mean nothing to me, for I have seen his heart. To me he is extremely handsome. I wish he felt the same way about himself.
I have thought the same about myself, many times over the years, but not so much anymore. I take pride in my appearance, but I have also come to understand that my looks are not the ‘sum of my parts.’
We live in a very superficial world, where we are made to believe by almost every media and marketing message out there, that as long as you are beautiful or handsome, the world is your oyster. There also doesn’t seem to be any getting away from it. I recall in my own youth flipping through magazines to look at the ‘beautiful people,’ and thinking to myself, their lives must be perfect. Of course, today I know that nothing could be further from the truth.
Healthy Boundaries – The Best New Year’s Resolution!
The best New Year’s resolution many of us can work on in 2019 is to create healthy boundaries with the people in our lives. These boundaries don’t have to be all about just creating space or distance between you and a few toxic people and things in your life. It can also include keeping yourself from being exposed to negativity on social media, or avoiding those foods you are intolerant to. In 2019 I recommend we all take a moment to think about the things we do, say, consume, and the people we spend our time with. Whatever it may be that brings us down, or steals our energy, needs to go. And no more people-pleasing.
Dr Seuss says, “Those who matter don’t mind, and, those who mind, don’t matter.” Well, it’s true. Those people who have a problem with you, because your belief system is different from theirs, for example, are absolutely out of line! I have said it once and I will say it again: the world will be a very boring place if we all had the same ideas and way of thinking. Diversity is what keeps our world going. So it’s okay to be different. I am big on keeping it real and being authentic. I refuse to be a conformist.