life design
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
Karma Is A Teacher, Not An Avenger
People often talk about karma as if it’s some form of divine punishment or retribution that will eventually be visited upon those who have wronged them. Letting karma “take care of it” is a comforting reassurance that we may be rewarded for being the ‘bigger person’ in unfair situations. And certainly it is always advisable to do the right thing when others are being petty or behaving badly.
But this is not karma.
The universe is not in the business of handing out ‘karmic punishment,’ for we are not judged as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ for our choices and actions. All of our choices and actions have value and teach us lessons. So, why would there be any need for a universal system of punishment? Or reward, for that matter?
This is not to say that karma does not exist. On the contrary, we can see karma at work all the time in everyday life, down to the most mundane things we choose to do. However, karma is not a force of reckoning, but the cause and effect of energy, which is a universal law.
When we live a heart-centered life, doing good deeds and being kind to ourselves and others, we will feel joyful, happy, fulfilled and at peace. We thrive in the vibrant flow of positive energy. On the other hand, when we live a heartless life, do things that are wrong, destructive, and evil, and we are unkind or cruel to ourselves and others, we will feel miserable, hopeless, dissatisfied, depressed. We suffer in the thick mud of negative energy.
Follow Your Passion And Truth
In Native American tradition, human existence and well-being is based on the Medicine Wheel, also known as the Sacred Hoop, that consists of the Four Directions, Father Sky, Mother Earth, and the Spirit Tree. Together these ‘spokes’ of the wheel honor all aspects of human existence, growth, balance, and well-being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
In each lifetime, we are destined to achieve progress in one or more of these areas until, finally, after many incarnations, all the ‘spokes’ of our wheel are complete – all the way from the inner hub to the outer rim. At that point, we have completed our various missions through many incarnations in a myriad of schoolrooms, and we finally achieve ascended mastery.
When all our spokes are complete, we leave this dense, earthly dimension and arrive at the highest plane of existence, the realm of the Great Spirit, traditionally known as the ‘Hunting Grounds of the Ancestors,’ and since the arrival of Christianity, as ‘Heaven.’
In this state we never need to descend again, and will remain infinitely in the higher dimension. We are liberated from the endless cycle of rebirth and reach a new level of consciousness and enlightened existence, known as nirvana in Buddhism, moksha in Hindusim, and eternal life in Christianity.
As a result, from a spiritual stand-point, we are offered a smorgasbord of options and choices that we may need for our particular journey in this lifetime. The enthusiasm and passion we feel when we are guided to a particular path is spirit directing us toward the ‘curriculum’ we need to complete in order to achieve our ultimate goal of transcendence in one or more spokes of our wheel.
Manifesting A New Reality
It is never too late for a fresh start or a new life adventure. An attitude of optimism is key in a spiritually aware life. Within the realm of universal possibilities there is always the opportunity to evaluate your current standing compared with your desired end result, and to make some changes if necessary to manifest a new reality.
Visualizing the sought-after outcome is paramount in creating your new reality. Whatever you focus on intently will manifest consistently. Remember, what you think about, you bring about!
Continue to focus on the positive outcome, not the intricate steps necessary to attain success. Believe that the environment you have visualized continues to manifest in the background.
If you continue to give energy to negative scenarios, you will create more of the same. Stay stuck in the mire of discontent and you will remain frozen in that spot. It is impossible to take flight when slogging through the quicksand of doubt day-to-day.
Visualize for a few minutes each day as you drift off to sleep at night, and again each morning as you start to awaken.
Create in your mind’s eye the most magnificent vision of your new reality or desired outcome, with vibrant color, exquisite sound, penetrating scent, palpable touch and delicious taste. See, hear, smell, touch and taste all the components of your eventual success.
But you are not merely an observer. You must be a wholehearted participant in the creation of your new reality, so see yourself in the picture.
Spirit Messages Through Signs And Synchronicities
Many people go through life without ever realizing that their spirit guides, ancestors, and deceased loved ones are communicating with them on a regular basis. Spirit is constantly reaching out to us from the other side, but it requires the recipient to be spiritually aware and attentive in their daily life.
The most powerful and easiest way to receive messages and guidance from spirit is to get a psychic or mediumship reading from a reputable psychic or medium.
The next best way to receive messages from spirit is through our dreams, especially visitation dreams in which we interact or have conversations with loved ones. We are most open to spirit communication when we are in the dream state.
Of course, some people are naturally more open to receiving messages from spirit, but anyone can increase their psychic awareness and become more attuned to spirit communication.
The first important step is to adopt a daily spiritual practice that raises your vibration and increases your awareness, such as meditation, prayer, divination, journaling, dreamwork, breathwork, chanting, ceremonies, or rituals.
The next step is to become more aware of signs and synchronicities in daily life. Signs from the spirit realm can include visual apparitions; smells (perfume, cigarette smoke); animals, insects, and other natural phenomena (birds, butterflies, ladybugs, rainbows); objects (coins, feathers); repeating numbers, words or thoughts; specific songs or music; or electrical activity (dimming lights, turning appliances on and off).
The Ghosts Of Regret
As part of my training as a spiritual life coach, our class was asked to do a profound exercise. Our task was to imagine ourselves on our deathbed someday, being visited by a gathering of ghosts. We had to imagine these ‘ghosts’ from our past as being very bitter and angry, because they represented all the things we never achieved or succeeded in, coming back to haunt us. They were the ghosts of our unfulfilled goals and dreams returning to die along with us.
We were asked to then review our life and imagine what we would say to ourselves and our ‘ghosts,’ now that our life is over. What would we advise ourselves to do if we could go back in time, get a second chance, and somehow live our life anew?
For me, this was a very thought-provoking process. The first thought for me was my personal ‘bucket list’ of things I still want to experience in this lifetime. For example, I still want to travel on the Orient Express train with my family; see the view from The Shard (a 72-storey skyscraper in London); fly down The Grand Canyon; and witness the splendor of Niagara Falls.
There are many things I still hope to also do. But why have I not done at least some of it yet? Too busy earning a living? Yes, we all get busy, and most of us need to work. However, does this mean we cannot also lead a fuller life?
The next thought the deathbed exercise brought up for me was a sad memory from a few years ago, when my late brother was receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local hospital. We were very close as siblings. He confided in me one day, while we sat looking out the hospital window and saw a young family walking by, that he often feels intense regret and sadness when he sees people with their kids and grandkids, while he had no offspring of his own.
Two White Butterflies From Spirit
We receive many signs from spirit, sometimes without realizing it. Most often these signs are from our loved ones beyond the veil to reassure, guide and comfort us. Sometimes they are from our guides or angels.
I frequently do readings for clients who suspect they have had such an experience, but they still seek confirmation that it was real when they are not sure if it may just have been their imagination.
Sometimes a client will also ask for my interpretation of a repetitive sign they have been noticing. They seek information about who it might have been, or they wish to know if spirit is trying to warn them, or teach them something.
Signs can take many forms. It usually presents in a way that will appeal to you personally, based on your personality, lifestyle, and spiritual beliefs. It might be a bird repetitively showing up to tap on your window, or frequently seeing butterflies or dragonflies. Another common sign is repeatedly seeing the same numbers, words, or names.
Last weekend, I asked for a sign of confirmation from spirit. With all the energy shifts currently happening in my life, it’s reassuring to know I have the support of my guides, angels, and loved ones on the other side.
I asked for a sign early Sunday morning, before I set out to walk my dogs. I did not have to wait very long! Minutes into the walk, two beautiful, white butterflies appeared, as if from nowhere, and remained within arm’s reach. They were doing a cheerful dance in line with my heart center for the remainder of the walk, and they only left once I had reached the gate to my home.