self-sacrifice
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
Transform Your Life One Step At A Time
Knowing when to make that much needed change in your life can be daunting and very confusing. We often feel this need for change when we already have a lot going on. We tend to also overthink things and then feel overwhelmed, or even paralyzed with anxiety or fear.
Once you get into this kind of ‘stuck’ pattern, nothing seems to get done or resolved. No choices or decisions are made. In turn, this causes even more unhappiness, distress, and turmoil in your life. We all have a tendency to get in our own way.
Over the years of working with many clients in this situation, spirit has always made one thing very clear: it always starts with a firm choice or decision. You don’t have to act on it immediately, but it instantly begins to shift your energy in a new direction, or towards a long-term solution.
Indecision, fear, or lack of commitment to a clear vision for the future is first and foremost what keeps many people stuck indefinitely in the stagnant energy loop of an unhappy, unfulfilled life.
Once you have made up your mind about what you intend to achieve or which direction you wish to go, you gain more clarity and become calmer and more grounded to start taking baby steps forward. Then you can begin to resolve the situation one step at a time with spirit’s support.
To get started consider a simple, step-by-step approach to make break the process down into smaller steps that will be less overwhelming and more attainable.
The Messenger Must Know When To Hold Her Peace
Ever heard of “less is more?” Well, there is a lot of spiritual truth in the saying. It is especially valid in this day and age, where everyone seems to have preconceived ideas and strong opinions on just about everything. Sometimes saying less, or even saying nothing at all, is enough, and usually for the best.
Saying nothing can be very empowering and liberating. We have free will to choose how we want to spend our time and energy. I choose to focus on things that are for my highest good, and those I care about.
It is not our duty to correct every misinformed opinion or ignorant viewpoint we encounter. Does that mean we should be self-absorbed and uncaring? No, certainly not. But we can also not make the world a better place by wasting our precious time and energy trying to fix everyone, and correct everything, while our own inner peace and well-being suffers.
Compassion, charity, and kindness are all much needed in the world today, but not if it is constantly at our own expense. I therefore prefer to wisely pick my battles, and stick to my lane. One person cannot be everything for everyone. We must focus on our own unique strengths and capabilities when helping others.
If we randomly go out on a limb to help everyone with advice and support, it is often not appreciated and frequently met with negativity and resistance. Not to mention trying to point out the facts or truth of a matter, which can be very risky these days! There are some things in life people just need to figure out for themselves. They don’t always need to hear it from us.
Left Holding The Bag
One of my clients recently said, “I’m the one left holding the bag.” Have you ever been ‘left holding the bag?’ This is when you are put in a situation where you are unfairly held responsible, because other people fail or refuse to take responsibility.
The expression “left holding the bag” originated in 18th-century Britain, but at the time it referred to a person being caught with stolen goods, while the rest of their criminal gang escape responsibility.
Many of us are left holding the bag at some point in our life. This is especially true for empaths, healers and highly sensitive people. They are often the scapegoat in their family, or the friend who is taken advantage of, or the coworker who has to pick up the pieces when others neglect their duties.
The solution for this is often found in spiritual self-empowerment, inner child healing, energy shielding, or simply the setting of boundaries. These are challenges I often assist clients with.
A client was about to purchase a bed and breakfast establishment with the support of an investor. When the day came to sign the papers, the investor decided it was just too much to deal with at the time. This left my client ‘holding the bag,’ having to find a new investor.
Another client was abandoned by her siblings when their mother’s mental and physical health suddenly began to deteriorate, and she was left to her own devices having to care for her mom with no assstance or support from the rest of the family.
More Joy, Less Struggle!
I work with many clients who are experiencing significant spiritual growth. They are often exploring different metaphysical modalities, questioning their beliefs, investigating their energy patterns and mental habits, and contemplating higher consciousness. They read books, attend workshops, watch videos, and put a great deal of energy, effort and focus into their personal unfolding.
However, while they enjoy the freedom and fulfillment that comes with having all the ‘ah-ha’ moments and uncovering deeper levels of healing and development, many of them also begin to wonder after a while why it is no longer so much fun. If this is at all familiar to you, your angels want you to know that you are not alone in this feeling.
As we venture deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of metaphysics and mysticism, we tend to get more and more ‘in our heads.’ Activities and hobbies that we once loved also begin to lose their appeal. It even becomes difficult to hang out with the people or be in the social settings that were once enjoyable to us.
The angels confirm that this is perfectly normal. As we begin to see through the veil and recognize what is real, it is only natural for the things that once served to distract us from the truth of who we truly are, to lose their shine and appeal. The quest then is to discover and engage with those things that truly bring us joy and fulfillment, beyond the everyday noise of unconscious existence.
The angels invite you today to explore what it is that brings your soul joy in this lifetime, and open to the possibility that growing through joy will bring you greater soul growth than any other means. Here are three simple ways you can tap into your soul’s joy.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words!
Actions are key in a relationship of any kind, whether it be with family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, or spouses. Actions indeed speak louder than words! Our behavior and deeds reveal who we truly are. If I was only allowed to offer my clients one piece of relationship advice for the rest of my life, then this would be it: trust what they do, not what they say.
Here is how to look at it. Let’s say you have arranged to go on a date with someone, but they do not show up, and they have all kinds of excuses later. Okay, life happens. So, they did not notify you of their no-show, and they did not care about your feelings in contacting you. Not good. I am not saying dump them right away, but carefully consider how they handled the situation with you. Do they at least appear to care?
This may be a pattern of theirs, so here is where you already need to start watching their actions more carefully. This event may have been due to a random set of unfortunate circumstances beyond their control, or it is an early ‘red flag’ of who they really are. If someone is okay with disappointing or hurting you with the little things, they will have no problem doing the same someday when it truly matters.
Here is another example that I often find in readings: cheating. Let’s say your boyfriend cheated once, and you caught them. He is all upset with himself, and you guys talk it out. He promises he will never do it again. Now, it is one thing for him to say it, but quite another for him to actually keep his word! His future actions will ultimately reveal the truth. If he repeats the same behavior, then his cheating is not just a mistake or a red flag – it is a dealbreaker!
Do You Have A Map For Your Love Journey?
In my experience as a psychic advisor everyone has a unique love journey. Love is a big question for many of my callers, yet the answers from spirit are never exactly the same.
Two of the recurring themes I often find in love and relationship readings are that people have a unique set of dealbreakers, as well as personal love languages. And when these differing needs, wants and expectations are mismatched in a love connection it leads to much disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, and even abuse.
If you have been struggling in the romance department, a good place to start improving your chances of finding or building a lasting love connection is to become more self-aware and conscious of your actual expectations. I find many people lack clarity on this and therefore tend to figure it out by trial and error, which is seldom the best approach.
The first step is to figure out what your love language is. How do you expect to me treated by your partner? How should they ideally behave towards you in your relationship dynamic? If we do not know what love behavior we need from a partner, we are also not able to clearly ask for it. And if we do not ask for what we want and need, we are unlikely to receive it.
For example, some people need lots of verbal affirmation in a relationship, while others value physical touch, or receiving gifts, or acts of kindness, or intellectual stimulation, or emotional support. Some simply require quality time, sharing interests, or having their partner’s full attention from time to time. What is your love language? Continue reading