self-sacrifice
Do You Have A Map For Your Love Journey?
In my experience as a psychic advisor everyone has a unique love journey. Love is a big question for many of my callers, yet the answers from spirit are never exactly the same.
Two of the recurring themes I often find in love and relationship readings are that people have a unique set of dealbreakers, as well as personal love languages. And when these differing needs, wants and expectations are mismatched in a love connection it leads to much disappointment, frustration, heartbreak, and even abuse.
If you have been struggling in the romance department, a good place to start improving your chances of finding or building a lasting love connection is to become more self-aware and conscious of your actual expectations. I find many people lack clarity on this and therefore tend to figure it out by trial and error, which is seldom the best approach.
The first step is to figure out what your love language is. How do you expect to me treated by your partner? How should they ideally behave towards you in your relationship dynamic? If we do not know what love behavior we need from a partner, we are also not able to clearly ask for it. And if we do not ask for what we want and need, we are unlikely to receive it.
For example, some people need lots of verbal affirmation in a relationship, while others value physical touch, or receiving gifts, or acts of kindness, or intellectual stimulation, or emotional support. Some simply require quality time, sharing interests, or having their partner’s full attention from time to time. What is your love language? Continue reading
Blessed Are The Kind And Helpful
September is Virgo season! What better time to consider becoming a better person by being more compassionate and supportive to others in need? Virgos are known for being helpful, kind, sympathetic, and someone others can lean on.
Virgo happens to be my Sun sign, so I have a bias here. But seriously, nothing is more rewarding than to be of service. Nothing blesses us more than helping to make the world a better place.
We owe it to ourselves and others to be of service. Because once we are truly there for others, we soon begin to notice undeserved joys and blessings filling our wellspring of abundance every day.
When we are kind, helpful and of service to others we begin to draw more beneficial energy to us, and lose track of the need to count money at the table as it comes in. Work is simply fun! Others see our joy and inspire towards similar goals in their own lives.
Those who are unkind or disregard the needs of others, even treating others as their emotional punching bags, eventually have a heavy karmic duty to repay. Being selfish, narcissistic, and cruel are the sources of much misery, anxiety and self-destructive, addictive behaviors in many people’s lives. It simply does not pay to be callous and uncharitable.
Of course, we all have our self-absorbed ‘bad days,’ because none of us are perfect. But we do an inventory at the end of the day, reflecting on how our conduct may have made others feel.
Create a sacred space in your home where you may atone for your missteps; peaceful area where you may recite a daily intention for grace. Equip this space with an essential oil diffuser or incense burner, candles, crystals and gemstones, oracle cards or runes, prayer beads, singing bowls, personal mementos, photos of loved ones, artwork, and other symbolic items.
Neglecting Your Own Needs Will Destroy Your Relationship
Some people are in really toxic relationships without realizing it. How do you know for sure if you are in a bad relationship? Well, often it is as simple as asking yourself a few basic questions.
Am I safe? Am I truly happy? Do I feel loved and supported? Are my most important needs being met? If you answer no to any of these, you may need to reassess your relationship.
Some people get caught in a dead-end relationship trap. They feel trapped and do not know how to get out of a bad situation. It can be very hard to leave someone you love. But sometimes that is what me must do in order to love ourselves.
A leading cause of failing relationships is often a lack of open, honest communication about our hopes, dreams, fears, and needs. It is very hard sometimes to bring up a subject that is uncomfortable, but remember that you deserve to be happy. It does not serve anyone to put your own needs last.
Self-worth also plays a major role. Do not put your own needs aside because you fear you cannot do better. Stay true to what is most important to you and ask for what you want!
If your current partner cannot meet your needs or refuses to respect your wishes, maybe your future does not align with theirs. Finding the right person is really what you need to do to be true to you and who you are.
Keeping Score In A Relationship
I believe the habit of keeping a ‘score card’ might start in someone’s childhood. It is based on developing a certain sense of duty and responsibility early on. For example, as kids I remember my sister and I had to take turns doing the dishes. My sister would always keep tabs on that chore. She always knew whose turn it was next. My sister is four years older than me, and to this day she still keeps score on almost everything in her life.
This also set the precedent for me with friends and other family members. Others keeping score just seems natural to me, so I never feel the need to do so myself.
This did not server me well in all aspects of my young adult life. For example, in relationships it always felt like I was the one trying to make things work. It did not make any difference to me who called who last. Therefore, I ended up doing most of the calling. But does it truly matter that much?
What has the other person done for me? After all I have done and given so much! What do I get out of this relationship? These are the questions score keepers are always asking themselves.
But in my view, a relationship is never 50/50, even if both people are truly happy and fulfilled. One will always be doing less or more. But it does not matter, as true love is supposed to be unconditional.
So, if you are keeping a score card things will never balance and the emotion that will come up is anger, rebellion, defensiveness, or a complete shut-down. That does not serve any relationship in the long run.
Successful Relationships Begin With Self-Love
How do you ensure your relationship will work long-term? Many callers ask me this question almost every day. In my experience, there needs to be a balance of love, caring, respect and truth for any relationship to last. If you do not have these components in a relationship, more than likely it will not work out. If a relationship is out of balance, then it usually is too one-sided and not serving your highest good.
The key first step is to love and respect yourself, because when you love and respect yourself, you will also receive more love and respect from others. There is not much of a future for any relationship that is based on the self-sacrifice of one party. It never lasts and typically does not end well. Balance is required in matters of the heart.
Along with the respect you deserve in the way you are treated. it is loving, caring, and respectful? This is applicable to everyone in your life, including romantic partners, friends, co-workers, family, and relatives.
Respect is not only something we must demand, but we must also set boundaries for it in our daily life. When a boundary is repeatedly disregarded or violated by someone in your life, then something needs to change. This is when you have to say, enough.
Sometimes the hard decisions need to be made. If someone is not respecting you in your relationship, treating you poorly, and not meeting your most essential wants and needs, then it is time to make a change. Respect yourself enough to end it.
Too many people do not believe they deserve love and respect, for various reasons. The problem often begins in childhood. It is important to realize you do and to start loving yourself a little more – not in an egotistical way, but in a way that you love and respect yourself enough to want only the best for you and to no longer settle for anything less.
Be Mindful Who You Allow Into Your Energy Field
We all know someone who is personally so miserable they want everyone around them to be equally miserable too. You can usually tell by how they talk, behave, and treat others.
Due to a recent encounter I personally had with a relative who is acts like this, I decided to ask spirit for insight and guidance on how to deal with such people. How does a spiritually conscious person handle someone who makes us feel as though we need to walk on eggshells whenever we are around them?
Spirit showed me that we all have those relatives or friends who are obviously very unhappy and choose to take it out on others. Spirit says the first step is to not participate in any argument they try to initiate. Simply don’t respond. To argue it takes two people. So simply do not buy their drama.
It can get very uncomfortable when such a negative, toxic individual engages with you. They can make us feel really bad – often for no reason other than wanting to bring you down to their low frequency. Don’t allow them to push your buttons. By not giving in to their ploy, you remain connected to the Light,
Understand that some people are in a very fragmented place of spiritual disconnect and emotional dysfunction, often because they never dealt with their emotional issues on a deeper level. So, because of that they take it out on others.
Spirit says we must seek to create some healthy space and set boundaries with these people. We can be compassionate and understanding, without becoming their victims or emotional punchbags. It is your spiritual right to take back your power.
Saying ‘I’m Sorry’
I had a conversation not too long ago with friends about the increasing breakdown in civility, courtesy, and decency in society. The lack of good manners creates isolation, loneliness and a feeling of not being cared for.
I have noticed these days when you tell others you are not doing well or going through a hard time, the other person often doesn’t seem to know how to respond. You’re lucky if you get at least a blank stare! This is not how grew up. There were a few ‘odd’ people in the old days who seemed stoic or lacking in empathy – but they stuck out! Now it seems to be the norm.
I saw a post on social media recently stating that we should stop saying ‘I’m sorry’ for everything. Instead, for example, if you are late, one should say ‘thank you for waiting for me.’ I feel this ill-conceived idea is a reflection of the social issues we face as a society today.
If someone was late and didn’t say sorry (which happens often to me) I would be even more annoyed. Words are powerful. A sincere apology (and forgiveness) has tremendous power.
The idea that no apology is needed when you are late is very narcissistic in my opinion. Life is not always about us, or what suits us, because in this world what is best for others is in fact also what is best for us. Selfish, cruel, mean people end up being miserable. Generous, well-mannered, kind-hearted people are blessed.
The concept here is apparently that by offering a sincere apology you are being submissive or bowing down to someone else by degrading yourself. Well, that is simply bizarre. An apology is a way of honoring the other person and keeping your dignity?
We all make mistakes. I am usually on time, but I have been late a few times in my life. Honor and dignity are not objects of pride; they are objects of humility, compassion, and respect for others.