friends
How To ‘Face Everything And Rise’ (F.E.A.R.)
It’s okay to feel afraid sometimes – some fear responses are a natural and vital part of our built-in self-protection system. Rooted in our primal survival instincts, fear helps us identify and respond to real threats, such as a raging fire or a dangerous wild animal.
Survival fear arises in response to immediate, tangible threats to our safety or well-being. It’s a necessary, life-preserving mechanism based on objective, real-world risks that ensure our survival. By activating the body’s fight-or-flight response, it enables us to act quickly and stay safe.
But not all fears are instinctual, nor do they serve our highest good. Irrational fears arise from societal conditioning, cultural expectations, false beliefs, past traumas, or imagined scenarios. These fears are learned or imagined, not instinctual.
Unlike survival fear, irrational fears reflect internalized doubts, imaginery threats and false narratives that serve no protective function at all. Instead, they just interfere with our personal growth, decision-making, and well-being.
Conditioned fears are typically exaggerated or irrational, existing more in the mind than in reality. Examples include fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of not living up to social standards. Self-limiting fears can trap us in cycles of self-doubt and hesitation, limiting our ability to take risks, grow, and live wholeheartedly.
To live our best lives, we must learn to recognize these irrational fears, challenge their validity, and prevent them from taking control of our life and well-being. By stepping back and evaluating the source of our fears, we can release what no longer serves us, reclaim our joy, and unlock our full potential.
Reclaim Your Peace And Power With Healthy Boundaries
Saying “no” is one of the most powerful things we can do to maintain our personal and spiritual well-being and energetic balance.
Many of us are caught up in the daily whirlwind of commitments, expectations, and the constant need to meet the demands of others. For those on a spiritual or esoteric path, this can be especially challenging.
The desire to be compassionate and supportive can sometimes blur the lines between compassion and self-neglect. However, one of the most profound spiritual lessons is this: it is okay to say no. In fact, it is imperative!
Knowing when and how to say no is a critical self-care skill that allows you to set healthy boundaries and protect your time, energy, and mental health. Moreover, it is crucial for our spiritual growth and essential for living a life filled with purpose and fulfillment.
Saying no and standing your ground requires recognizing your inherent worth and honoring your personal limits. Too often we stretch ourselves too thin, trying to be all things to all people. This may come from a fear of disappointing others or a belief that our value is in how much we give. Many of us also feel spiritually obligated to be there for others, often because we are so deeply affected by all the struggles and suffering we see in the world around us.
However, when we put the needs of others ahead of our own without balance, we risk depleting our physical, emotional, and spiritual energy. In such a depleted state, we are of no use to anyone.
The Self-Affirming Power Of Saying No
Are you the kind of person who has a hard time saying “no,” even when your heart isn’t in it?
Maybe you’re afraid of disappointing others, afraid they’ll distance themselves, or afraid they’ll stop liking you if you say no. Maybe your introverted side just wants to be liked and accepted by everyone, so you agree to things – even if it drains you.
I’ve experienced this myself and seen it happen to many people who come to me and ask, “How can I say no without feeling guilty?” or “If I don’t say yes, will I lose my connection with this person?
Saying “yes” out of fear, guilt, or obligation may be the easy way out in many situations, but it usually comes at a high cost to your personal and spiritual well-being.
Let’s acknowledge something important: You are enough just the way you are, and you are worthy of peace, joy and happiness. If someone truly values you, they’ll respect your boundaries, even if it means saying “no” once in a while.
On the other hand, if people cut you off because you set boundaries, they may not have been the healthiest presence in your life to begin with. True friends and meaningful relationships will respect your choices and understand your reasons without demanding constant explanations.
Over time, I’ve seen the toll that over-commitment takes. People who constantly say “yes” often end up feeling drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful. Some develop physical and mental health problems because they feel trapped by the constant need to please others. In some cases, burnout and depression set in, all because saying no felt like an impossible task.
Not Everyone Chooses The Path Of Healing
You’ve probably heard the phrase “what they don’t know can’t hurt them.” Sometimes this is true, but there are also times when what people choose to ignore or disregard can cause real harm – not only to themselves, but also to those around them.
For those of us with psychic or spiritual gifts, there’s an added complexity: the ability to sense the struggles of others, which leads to the question of when and how to help.
Intuitives, channelers and healers are very aware of the energy of others, even when we’re just going about our daily routines. Whether it’s a stranger in the grocery store or a friend across the room, we tend to sense when someone is struggling with grief, trauma or stress.
We may choose to quietly send them comforting or healing energy, hoping it will ease their pain, even if only for a moment, yet the urge to help can be very strong in these situations. And while reaching out and offering help can be very uplifting or rewarding for everyone involved, there are times when our attempts to help are met with resistance, or worse, denial.
It’s especially challenging to see someone we care about turn a blind eye to their own needs or pain, and even more so when our support is disregarded or unappreciated.
One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in both my personal and professional life is that I can only help those who are willing to help themselves. The sad truth is that sometimes people choose not to act on information that could improve their lives or change their destiny. Instead, their negativity, anger, or fear allows the problem to fester or the behavior to grow, affecting not only themselves but also their loved ones. Over time, this denial creates a cycle of suffering that affects physical, mental and karmic health and well-being, sometimes for generations.
Always Stay True To Your Soul Path And Purpose
Visiting a nursing home or retirement community and interacting with the residents can be a life-changing experience!
I recently had the opportunity to interact with a group of seniors and one of the things I asked them was, “If you could go back in time and start over, what would you do differently?”
To my surprise, the biggest regret most of them have is that they wish they had been more true to themselves and lived their lives their own way instead of pleasing others. One lady says she realizes she should have followed the original path her soul intended for her, instead of trying to live up to the expectations of others.
Another lady recalls how her life was shattered when a man she loved dearly and had devoted her life to unexpectedly left her to be with someone else. She said that was the day she realized she had wasted so much time putting her own dreams and goals on hold to make someone else the focus of her life. If she could go back in time, she would have handled this relationship very differently. In fact, she would probably never have gotten involved with him in the first place! “Never live for someone else, that is what I have learned,” she said.
Some of the regrets seemed heavy and intense. Some realize that too much time has passed and they cannot undo the choices they have made. There are potential joys and opportunities for personal and spiritual fulfillment that are now forever out of reach. One gentleman added that while there is much wisdom and truth in the saying “it’s never too late,” there are also the practical realities of aging and “missed deadlines” for some things in life.
Toxic Friendships: End It, Or Mend It?
Like all relationships, friendships have their ups and downs, testing the bonds that bind us together.
A true friend is someone who genuinely wants the best for you, celebrates your victories, and supports you through challenges. They offer encouragement, share your joys, and lend a sympathetic ear during difficult times.
The presence of true friends adds value to your life and fosters growth and positivity. You have a healthy friendship that thrives on mutual respect and care, where both parties feel uplifted and inspired to be their best selves.
In stark contrast, a toxic friend is often self-absorbed, putting their own needs and desires above all else. They manipulate situations to get what they want, with little regard for how their actions affect your happiness.
This type of friendship can feel draining, leaving you emotionally drained and questioning your self-worth. Instead of celebrating your achievements, a toxic friend may resort to jealousy or criticism, undermining your confidence.
Toxic friendships can deeply affect our emotional and mental well-being, often leaving us feeling drained and undervalued. These relationships are characterized by manipulation, constant criticism, and lack of support, creating an environment where one party consistently takes more than they give.
The dynamic can include jealousy, competition, or even emotional abuse, making it difficult to feel safe and authentic. Over time, toxic friendships can lead to diminished self-esteem and increased stress, underscoring the importance of recognizing and addressing these unhealthy connections.
What Comes First: Friendship Or Romance?
Is it really necessary to build a solid foundation of friendship when you already have a gut feeling that the person you just met might be “the one”?
This is a question I sometimes get from clients seeking a love or relationship reading. They want to know whether they should focus on building a friendship first if they feel that their relationship has the potential to lead to a long-term commitment or marriage.
The answer can vary depending on the people involved and the unique dynamics of their relationship.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, building a friendship can provide a stable foundation for the deeper layers of a romantic relationship. Friendship helps create a space where mutual respect, understanding, and shared values can flourish – qualities that are crucial to a lasting partnership.
I find many folks jump into a relationship with both feet, convinced they’ve found their true soulmate, only to be disappointed later.
Developing a strong friendship with your partner can be incredibly beneficial. It allows you to get to know each other on a deeper level without the pressure or distractions that often come with romantic and physical intimacy. In a friendship, you’re more likely to feel comfortable being your authentic self. This authenticity can lead to a stronger emotional connection, which can then become the foundation for a more serious romantic connection.