friends
The Self-Affirming Power Of Saying No
Are you the kind of person who has a hard time saying “no,” even when your heart isn’t in it?
Maybe you’re afraid of disappointing others, afraid they’ll distance themselves, or afraid they’ll stop liking you if you say no. Maybe your introverted side just wants to be liked and accepted by everyone, so you agree to things – even if it drains you.
I’ve experienced this myself and seen it happen to many people who come to me and ask, “How can I say no without feeling guilty?” or “If I don’t say yes, will I lose my connection with this person?
Saying “yes” out of fear, guilt, or obligation may be the easy way out in many situations, but it usually comes at a high cost to your personal and spiritual well-being.
Let’s acknowledge something important: You are enough just the way you are, and you are worthy of peace, joy and happiness. If someone truly values you, they’ll respect your boundaries, even if it means saying “no” once in a while.
On the other hand, if people cut you off because you set boundaries, they may not have been the healthiest presence in your life to begin with. True friends and meaningful relationships will respect your choices and understand your reasons without demanding constant explanations.
Over time, I’ve seen the toll that over-commitment takes. People who constantly say “yes” often end up feeling drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful. Some develop physical and mental health problems because they feel trapped by the constant need to please others. In some cases, burnout and depression set in, all because saying no felt like an impossible task.
Not Everyone Chooses The Path Of Healing
You’ve probably heard the phrase “what they don’t know can’t hurt them.” Sometimes this is true, but there are also times when what people choose to ignore or disregard can cause real harm – not only to themselves, but also to those around them.
For those of us with psychic or spiritual gifts, there’s an added complexity: the ability to sense the struggles of others, which leads to the question of when and how to help.
Intuitives, channelers and healers are very aware of the energy of others, even when we’re just going about our daily routines. Whether it’s a stranger in the grocery store or a friend across the room, we tend to sense when someone is struggling with grief, trauma or stress.
We may choose to quietly send them comforting or healing energy, hoping it will ease their pain, even if only for a moment, yet the urge to help can be very strong in these situations. And while reaching out and offering help can be very uplifting or rewarding for everyone involved, there are times when our attempts to help are met with resistance, or worse, denial.
It’s especially challenging to see someone we care about turn a blind eye to their own needs or pain, and even more so when our support is disregarded or unappreciated.
One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn in both my personal and professional life is that I can only help those who are willing to help themselves. The sad truth is that sometimes people choose not to act on information that could improve their lives or change their destiny. Instead, their negativity, anger, or fear allows the problem to fester or the behavior to grow, affecting not only themselves but also their loved ones. Over time, this denial creates a cycle of suffering that affects physical, mental and karmic health and well-being, sometimes for generations.
Always Stay True To Your Soul Path And Purpose
Visiting a nursing home or retirement community and interacting with the residents can be a life-changing experience!
I recently had the opportunity to interact with a group of seniors and one of the things I asked them was, “If you could go back in time and start over, what would you do differently?”
To my surprise, the biggest regret most of them have is that they wish they had been more true to themselves and lived their lives their own way instead of pleasing others. One lady says she realizes she should have followed the original path her soul intended for her, instead of trying to live up to the expectations of others.
Another lady recalls how her life was shattered when a man she loved dearly and had devoted her life to unexpectedly left her to be with someone else. She said that was the day she realized she had wasted so much time putting her own dreams and goals on hold to make someone else the focus of her life. If she could go back in time, she would have handled this relationship very differently. In fact, she would probably never have gotten involved with him in the first place! “Never live for someone else, that is what I have learned,” she said.
Some of the regrets seemed heavy and intense. Some realize that too much time has passed and they cannot undo the choices they have made. There are potential joys and opportunities for personal and spiritual fulfillment that are now forever out of reach. One gentleman added that while there is much wisdom and truth in the saying “it’s never too late,” there are also the practical realities of aging and “missed deadlines” for some things in life.
Toxic Friendships: End It, Or Mend It?
Like all relationships, friendships have their ups and downs, testing the bonds that bind us together.
A true friend is someone who genuinely wants the best for you, celebrates your victories, and supports you through challenges. They offer encouragement, share your joys, and lend a sympathetic ear during difficult times.
The presence of true friends adds value to your life and fosters growth and positivity. You have a healthy friendship that thrives on mutual respect and care, where both parties feel uplifted and inspired to be their best selves.
In stark contrast, a toxic friend is often self-absorbed, putting their own needs and desires above all else. They manipulate situations to get what they want, with little regard for how their actions affect your happiness.
This type of friendship can feel draining, leaving you emotionally drained and questioning your self-worth. Instead of celebrating your achievements, a toxic friend may resort to jealousy or criticism, undermining your confidence.
Toxic friendships can deeply affect our emotional and mental well-being, often leaving us feeling drained and undervalued. These relationships are characterized by manipulation, constant criticism, and lack of support, creating an environment where one party consistently takes more than they give.
The dynamic can include jealousy, competition, or even emotional abuse, making it difficult to feel safe and authentic. Over time, toxic friendships can lead to diminished self-esteem and increased stress, underscoring the importance of recognizing and addressing these unhealthy connections.
What Comes First: Friendship Or Romance?
Is it really necessary to build a solid foundation of friendship when you already have a gut feeling that the person you just met might be “the one”?
This is a question I sometimes get from clients seeking a love or relationship reading. They want to know whether they should focus on building a friendship first if they feel that their relationship has the potential to lead to a long-term commitment or marriage.
The answer can vary depending on the people involved and the unique dynamics of their relationship.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, building a friendship can provide a stable foundation for the deeper layers of a romantic relationship. Friendship helps create a space where mutual respect, understanding, and shared values can flourish – qualities that are crucial to a lasting partnership.
I find many folks jump into a relationship with both feet, convinced they’ve found their true soulmate, only to be disappointed later.
Developing a strong friendship with your partner can be incredibly beneficial. It allows you to get to know each other on a deeper level without the pressure or distractions that often come with romantic and physical intimacy. In a friendship, you’re more likely to feel comfortable being your authentic self. This authenticity can lead to a stronger emotional connection, which can then become the foundation for a more serious romantic connection.
How To Deal With Toxic Drama Royalty
These days, there is drama, crazy-making and toxic behavior everywhere you turn. And it’s not just on social media and public transportation…many of us have to deal with people in our personal and professional lives who are overly demanding, entitled, melodramatic, mean-spirited, always in victim mode, or just plain unhinged.
Sadly, many of these spiritually handicapped souls are people close to us, people we care deeply about. It can be daunting to deal with their toxic actions and volatile behaviors, and trying to ignore them is exhausting and even impossible in the long run.
But other people’s dysfunction and drama doesn’t have to weigh down your spirit, and it doesn’t always have to be so difficult to deal with, especially with some spiritual support and backup.
The first rule to remember is that love works better than anything else. So, the first step should also be to offer the “drama royal” plenty of compassion.
Chances are the drama king or queen in your life is wounded in some way. Dysfunctional behavior and toxicity often stem from unresolved hurt or deep trauma.
Many people who exhibit dramatic or demanding tendencies often aren’t aware of how their behavior affects others. They may be caught in a cycle of emotional turmoil and, as a result, seek external validation through attention and theatricality. Rather than focusing on the label “drama,” it’s helpful to think of these behaviors as expressions of unresolved pain or unmet emotional or spiritual needs.
The Karmic Lessons Of Our Past Lives
Each lifetime offers us karmic lessons inherited from our past lives, often presenting what we perceive as hardship or misfortune, but are actually opportunities for soul growth.
These soul lessons are “karmic” because they were created or caused by our free will choices, decisions and actions in previous lives. They resurface in our current lifetime to be resolved, redeemed, released, and healed.
In ancient Sanskrit, karma (कर्म) literally means “action” or “deed.” It is derived from the root word kri, which means “to do” or “to act.”
According to many spiritual and philosophical tradition the essence of karma is that every action (physical, verbal, mental, spiritual) has consequences that reverberate through time and space and affect our present and future circumstances. Our actions in every lifetime create karmic ripples that influence the fabric of our existence, shaping our future life experiences and soul growth journey.
Karmic imprints are the energetic residues of our past actions, thoughts, and emotions that carry over from previous lives into our present existence. These imprints often manifest as recurring patterns, challenges, or opportunities in our current lifetime. The core principle is that our actions, thoughts, and emotions create a cause-and-effect relationship that extends beyond a single lifetime. Positive actions result in positive consequences, while negative actions result in negative consequences.
Karmic imprints are stored in the etheric energy field known as the Akashic Records, or Universal Consciousness, that records all human experience. When a soul reincarnates, it brings these imprints with it, influencing its experiences and choices in the current life.