solitude
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Solitude
In the age of digital ‘connection,’ we are becoming more socially disconnected than ever before in human history. In fact, loneliness has become a secret epidemic profoundly affecting many people all over the world. A 2022 study of the prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries found that “problematic levels of loneliness are experienced by a substantial proportion of the population in many countries.”
There is strong evidence that loneliness or social isolation is a serious health risk that increases premature death from all causes, similar to smoking, obesity, and lack of exercise. It is also specifically linked to higher rates of heart failure, dementia, depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Loneliness must however not be confused with solitude, which is in fact a powerful aspect of spiritual practice that has been practiced since the dawn of time.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated, regardless the amount of social contact. In other words, social isolation can cause a sense of loneliness in some of us, but we can also feel intensely lonely without being socially isolated. One can feel lonely even when there are many people present in our life.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the conscious choice to be alone, usually for the purpose of personal reflection, recharging one’s energy, spiritual contemplation, or simply enjoyment of your own company. It’s about purposely choosing to be present with yourself, rather than the lack of social connection.
Just A Few Moments Can Transform Your Life
If there is one thing that I have learned over the years of working with thousands of people all over the world, then it is the vital role of spiritual and personal self-care for our highest good. No amount of material wealth, financial success, physical beauty, romantic love, or spiritual knowledge can ever compensate for a lack of self-love and proper self-care.
However, for many of my clients it is not always practical to spend hours in meditation, arrange glorious spa days, or attend weekend spiritual retreats on a regular basis. However, there are lots of little things that can increase our spiritual awareness, balance our energy flow, reduce some stress, brighten our days, and generally give us a feeling of well-being.
We must do whatever we can to afford ourselves a quiet moment or two every day. Spirit often shows me the break-neck speed with which so many of my clients race through their lives, believing that there will be more time and opportunity later, once the current milepost or goal has been reached.
Many people obsess over ‘yesterday,’ or pin all their hopes on ‘someday.’ They are either regretting the past, or waiting for their fortune to take a turn for the better in the future. However, spirit advises that we spend more time focused in the present and maintain critical balance in our lives right now, not later.
We must do our level best to work small, uplifting things into our lives, a little at a time. There is no need to make monumental changes to get started. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes to practice mindful breathing to relax and de-stress, or listen to a short guided meditation every morning. Set aside time to laugh with a friend, do a oracle reading for yourself, dance in the living room, take a walk around the block, or listen to an inspirational podcast before your fall asleep.
Make Time To Listen To Your Heart
The heart is a wondrous place, the keeper of all your dreams, desires, hopes, and wishes. The heart is your protector and guide and the holder of your very own sacred flame.
No matter where we are in this life, or what role we have embraced as our life’s mission, we must always honor the calling of our heart. It’s built-in GPS will never lead us astray. The heart’s invitation is always one that guides us to our greatest purpose through the love of the Divine, love of life, love of self, love of others, and love of service.
There are times in life when the heart calls for us to make a sacrifice to bring to fruition a special dream or mission. But the fast-paced world we live in provides little time or space for the calmness necessary to hear the sometimes faint calling of the heart. This is why we must take time away from others to honor the commitment of the soul. It is as necessary as the medical student in the preparation for becoming a great surgeon.
For a tree to grow, a seed must first be planted, which requires retreating into the stillness of the forest or the garden, breaking the soil, and carefully nesting a seedling into the heart of mother earth. Similarly, to overcome the many distractions of our worlds, we must create the time and space to tune in to the song of our heart.
In doing so, we are honoring our heart, which requires consistent practice, beginning with baby steps. Over time, we can cultivate a spiritual practice of listening to the heart in much larger steps, and then bold, giant steps.
Mahatma Gandhi, the great activist, and humanitarian, once said that prayer, regardless of one’s religion or spiritual path, purifies the heart. Gandhi cultivated a deep stillness in his own life by making time to listen to his heart through the daily practice of meditation.
Take Some Time Out To Embrace The Silence
I see now, more than ever before, parents busying their children with this and that sport, and this and that activity. I sometimes wonder if they ever have time to just be children.
I see how fast time flies these days and I think we actually make it go by even faster by overloading our lives with so much activity. We over commit ourselves way too much. I have been carefully watching my world lately, and I have seen the busy lifestyles of my friends and family. I see how frantic everyone has become. Such a commotion!
I find it disturbing how we over-busy ourselves and our children, and our lives. We really miss out on what I deem as the ‘finer things’. We need to get that connection back. It’s never too late.
We need to take it down a notch. I understand there are things we have to do – go to work, pay the bills, chores to do, people to see. Sure, I get it! But there are those additional things that we sign on to do when we really shouldn’t, or don’t have the time for, and when we do it has a domino effect. Chaos. Anxiety. Stress.
We need time to unwind more, and not just when we give ourselves six or less hours of sleep. We carve time out for our kids and for our friends and family, and often there is really no time left for a few blissful moments of silence. It’s in the silence that we can know ourselves and truly learn to live with a glass half full mentality.
We are filling our days with so much unnecessary activity these days just to keep up with the Joneses. What is wrong with staying home once in a while? I think staying at home is underrated. I don’t know about you, but home is where my yoga mat has its place and I don’t have to pay a gym membership to be active in my own home. It’s also where my library is, and my family, and most of the things I love and enjoy.
You Are Never Alone
I receive many calls from clients who are feeling terribly isolated and lonely. And ‘lonely’ does not automatically imply being alone. Even while we may be constantly surrounded by people, one can still feel extremely alone. Having lots of people around does not guarantee meaningful connection or a sense of belonging.
I always remind my clients that if they only consider how much spirit is constantly around us, they will never feel alone again. Tuning into these soul energies around us is a great comfort and can even be a life saver.
Our departed loved ones and our spirit guides are around us all the time, but especially present when we are going through a challenging or painful time. Whether we are aware of their presence, or not, they are there.
Through meditation and other spiritual practices, we can raise our vibration and make it easier for us to feel their presence, and even ‘hear’ them. All interdimensional communication is telepathic. We just need to tune in to a higher vibration to meet them halfway.
Spirit is in a different dimension. Their energy is very fast and ours are very slow. They need to slow their vibration down and we need to raise ours in order to meet in the middle and communicate.
Many years ago, a friend’s father passed. Her dad soon after came to me in a dream. He was giving me several messages he wanted me to relay to her, but I was having a very hard time understanding what he was saying. The messages were coming in too fast. To my shock and surprise her dad then became impatient with me! In fact, he was quite annoyed.
When Relationships Are Not Meant To Be
I have in recent months become particularly aware how many people are increasingly reminiscing about failed past relationships. In some cases, these are relationships that go back many years. Some folks even go as far as stalking their ex-partners on social media!
I believe it is mainly due to the unusual circumstances caused by the pandemic over the past two years, which prevented the possibility of meeting a new people, or going out on dates. It also brought many of us intense life lessons regarding love, connection, belonging, and loneliness.
I see these issues coming up in many readings nowadays and it often doesn´t sit too well with some of my clients, who tend to feel that their ‘love luck is down,’ or that that the universe is somehow ‘punishing’ them. In extreme cases, folks even believe a hex or curse may have been placed on them.
I also find many people are talking about ´what ifs.’ If only they had done things differently, how things might have turned out differently. But perhaps, if things were meant to have worked out differently, it would have? Again, this would fall in line with certain life lessons we came to this world to experience. I believe we have chosen to incarnate into this world at a time when romantic and social relationships often tend to be more fleeting and distant, especially because of digital technology and our rushed modern way of living.
Interestingly, I am also seeing lately more divorcées remarrying their former spouse after spending many years apart, and despite having lived a new life with someone else in the interim. This often drives their children insane after all the heartbreak, drama and grief the divorce had unnecessarily caused the family. Again, a hard lesson, but a life lesson nevertheless for all concerned.
Learning To Truly Be With Yourself
A fellow psychic encouraged me many years ago in a reading to be ‘with myself’ and not just ‘by myself.’ There was a difference she explained, as this was a process of getting to know our own true essence. But being yourself can be an uncomfortable pathway for introspection! It is a lot easier to distract yourself with work, entertainment, chores, socializing and all the other ways we tend to divert our attention away from looking within.
A wise client told me recently that it was during the recent pandemic lockdowns that her journey towards true self-love really began. My clients are often my most important teachers, as they prompt me at times to look deeper into a situation.
She had been going through intense periods of intense reminiscing, especially regarding relationships. Most of her flashbacks related to two significant past relationships which, after investing so much of herself, had not worked out.
One of her partners just didn’t want to commit and was wrapped up in a materialistic obsession of striving to achieve business success. The other, whom she loved very much, left her for another woman.
Ironically, after years of loneliness and looking for ways to fill that void, this ex she whom she used to love so much, recently got back in touch with her. Apparently, he wants to be a part of her life again, once he´s finally sorted out his disastrous relationship with the woman he left her for.
But she now feels she has healed, forgiven him, and truly fallen in love with her own company, and therefore she wouldn’t want him in her space too much, and that any future moments they do spend together will be on her terms.
She has nailed it when it comes to truly being ‘with yourself,’ instead of lonely ´by yourself.’