self-sabotage
Are You Stuck In Victim Mode?
We all have had at least one very bad experience in our lives: a twist of fate, a major setback, an intense trauma, a tragic loss. In these moments of extreme adversity, we are usually victims of circumstances beyond our control.
But these challenging life events typically serve a higher purpose. Everything happens for a reason. It is therefore vital that we gather whatever hard-earned wisdom, personal growth or self-empowerment we possibly can from such experiences. If we do not, our suffering would have been in vain.
We can only accomplish this if we get up, dust ourselves off, find resilience within, and courageously begin to move forward.
Sadly, some people tend to become stuck in victim mode long after these experiences. This obviously does not promote their personal growth and well-being, nor does it improve or change their life for better. On the contrary, as long as we remain trapped in a victim mentality, the negative life experience will have served no purpose and the hardship we suffered will have been in vain.
All the challenges, lessons and trials in our life are invitations and opportunities for us to grow and expand. This is true transformation. Easy lives are meaningless lives.
Now, we are sometimes allowed to complain and say ‘life sucks,’ because from at times we also get caught up in the learning and transformation processes of other people. However, we are also allowed to consciously reject that. We are not required to take on the lessons of others.
Being Your Strongest, Most Authentic Self
Many people tend to think that being vulnerable and open is a bad thing, because it makes them vulnerable to getting hurt in life and especially in relationships.
When someone disappoints or hurts us, whether deliberately or inadvertently, it is usually because they have deep wounds of their own that stems from their past, especially for their childhood. These unresolved traumas are often dormant and unconscious.
One might feel this is still no excuse to treat others poorly, or that they should know better. However, because these people typically have not done much inner work or self-healing to really know how to be in loving, happy, and functional relationships. I’m not condoning their bad behavior, but if they actually do not know any better, then how can one expect it from them?
I find people who are stuck in such patterns of hurting others are usually very much defensive and in denial. If you gently suggest what you may need from them, or bring up an aspect that the two of you could work on together to improve the relationship, they tend to instantly throw what you say back in your face and make it all about you. Suddenly, all of it is your fault.
This defensive behavior is a clear signal that this person has a lot of hurt, and is either fearful or unable to work through it. Therefore, if you bring up something that triggers their pain, they immediately see it as a threat. They feel attacked, or that they are being made a scapegoat.
Hope Is A Spiritual Superpower
My oldest granddaughter told me on New Years’ Eve that one of her favorite things in life is hope. I then asked her what the word really means to her? She explained that it was very comforting to imagine the new year being better than the past year.
She said hope is what motivates her to try new things and be the best she can be. With every bit of motivation there is always an underlying sense of hope. Hope that things will indeed work out for the better and that it is possible to achieve your goals.
I agreed with her that hope gives people the incentive to really go for what they want in life and strive towards goals that they might not otherwise believe possible to achieve. It gives people the courage to take chances in life that may catapult them into a better life.
But I also introduced her the wisdom of Dusty Springfield’s popular song, Wishing and Hoping.
Wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’
Plannin’ and dreamin’ each night of his charms
That won’t get you into his arms
So, if you’re lookin’ to find love you can share
All you gotta do is hold him, and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care.
Dusty understood that wishing and hoping is all good and nice – but without real action to set things in motion we may be wishing and hoping for a very, very long time! Don’t get me wrong, hope is a feeling that as a professional psychic medium I want every client to leave my office with in their heart and mind. Knowing that they have much to look forward to and that anything is possible in their life.
Why We Need To Give Up Hope
I am not someone who believes much in having ‘hope.’ I never hope for things. To me ‘hoping’ means ‘clutching at straws’ and ‘selling myself short.’ To merely hope for something is to remain in uncertainty and demonstrates a lack of trust and faith in the abundance of the Universe.
I learned this the hard way in my own life. In the past, whenever I used to ‘hope’ for a change or outcome in my life, it seldom brought me anything worthwhile. In fact, it usually just prolonged the misery.
The notion of ‘hope’ reminds me of the popular adage: “I’ll believe it when I see it.” People often say this whenever they deem something impossible. And herein lies the problem with the word ‘hope,’ as it carries the same negative vibe: “I don’t believe it likely or possible, until proven otherwise.”
This kind of intentional energy is contrary to the creative power we carry within as spiritual beings. Constantly expressing doubt and skepticism is certainly not a sign of higher consciousness or spiritual awareness. Instead of demanding proof for what we wish for, what we should be saying instead is: “I’ll see it when I believe it.” This carries a completely different vibration, don’t you agree?
Do you find yourself being more of a ‘hoper,’ instead of a believer? If so, then you may find it helpful to change this kind of negative, defeatist energy when you need a change in circumstances or you are wanting something positive to manifest in your life.
Getting The Answer When Spirit Speaks
People have told me over the years that they never hear spirit, or that their guides do not speak to them at all. This is simply not true. Spirit speaks to all of us daily. Spirit is never the problem; we are! It is up to us to be more aware, to pay attention and listen, and then to follow the guidance, heed the warnings, or implement the answers.
In my experience, this is usually due to a lack of spiritual awareness, and sometimes also based in fear. Our spirit guides and angels are not to be feared. They are there to bring you to a place of receiving clarity on what you should be doing with your life and what steps to take to make the right decisions or choices as you move forward.
Another problem I find is the tendency of some people to ask spirit a question and when they do not like the answer, to continue asking the same question, repeatedly, hoping that spirit will eventually give them the answer they want…and not the truth intended for their highest good.
This happens especially with clients who consult with numerous psychics. They will keep calling different readers, hoping to eventually find someone who will give them the answer they are hoping to hear. Or they will repeat the same question during a reading by asking it in different ways, in the hopes of changing the outcome of the reading.
In these cases, the actual question is usually not really the issue at hand. What more often truly matters is why there is the need to ask the same thing over and over again? Where is the obsession coming from? What is causing this persistent state of denial and self-delusion? Only once the person’s true motivation is unraveled and addressed, will they be able to accept the truth and move forward.
How To Face Your Fears In Challenging Times
Recently, I had to take my elderly brother to the hospital twice due to a recurring health problem. Truth be told, I intensly feared for his safety and well-being.
In fact, I feared it so much that I almost did not want him to seek medical advice, for fear we may be told something we did not want to know. Yes, as a spiritually aware person I have heard it all before. We must embrace our fears. Life begins outside our comfort zone. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.
Yes, I know, but it is still difficult and traumatic. It’s hard!
However, despite my fear, my brother’s safety and future well-being motivated me to take prompt action and see to it that he received medical help sooner, rather than later.
Fear can indeed be a motivating factor sometimes, but often it can also be immobilizing and prevent us from taking action when necessary. In fact, I feel that more often than not fear tends to be an enemy, rather than a friend. The problem is, by overly focusing on our fears, we not only feel worse but, in extreme circumstances, we eventually begin to attract even more of what we fear and do not want. We must turn this downward energy spiral around by focusing on the desired outcome or end result, and not the fear itself.
So, how can we effectively deal with such paralyzing fear and not allow it to spiral out of control and needlessly affect our lives in a negative way. I asked Spirit for guidance on how to overcome our fears, and these are the insights I received:
Is Your History Repeating Itself?
Are you feeling stuck making all the wrong choices and decisions? Are you repeating the same make mistakes? A study at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences analyzed the processes that occur before the human brain makes a decision. In this study, participants were asked to press a button with their left, or right hand. They were able to do this at whatever moment they decided, however, they were asked to remember the specific time they recognized making their decision and to relay that information to the researchers.
By observing the participant’s brain scanner, it was discovered that the researchers knew the participant’s decision seven seconds before the participant knew, based on observing electrical signals within the participant’s brain. This is important information, because it validates how much our subconscious minds are making decisions without us fully being aware of the choices we are making.
Although this research is based on making immediate decisions, how often are you aware of where their decisions are being based upon? How can you know if you’re making a decision based on old thought patterns and habits, rather than based on higher, conscious awareness?
The philosopher George Santayana famously said, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.” While this is true on a global scale, this is also true in our personal relationships. My interests in psychology and consciousness originated from observing my family, their unhealthy patterns, and observing the resulting choices I’ve made myself, in response to those patterns.