joy
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
Embracing Growth Challenges In Your Relationship
At some point in a romantic relationship, we all face challenges that test our connection with our partner or spouse. People disagree, make mistakes, and experience conflict. It’s human nature.
However, it is important to realize that most problems in a developing relationship are often not inherently negative or catastrophic. Instead, they present valuable opportunities for personal growth, healing, and self-discovery.
If you believe that your happiness in a relationship depends on finding the perfect partner, it’s time for a new perspective. The key to a happy relationship is to remove personal barriers one at a time. By doing so, you can fully immerse yourself in love and become a magnet for attracting the right partner into your life.
Consider the following five common issues that many new couples face and how you can learn from them to foster a stronger, more fulfilling connection with your significant other.
The Happiness Myth
Some people go into a new relationship expecting their partner to bring them the complete state of happiness, joy, and fulfillment they have always sought. But others cannot make us happy, joyful, or fulfilled because achieving this is always an inside job. It starts with us.
Karma Is A Teacher, Not An Avenger
People often talk about karma as if it’s some form of divine punishment or retribution that will eventually be visited upon those who have wronged them. Letting karma “take care of it” is a comforting reassurance that we may be rewarded for being the ‘bigger person’ in unfair situations. And certainly it is always advisable to do the right thing when others are being petty or behaving badly.
But this is not karma.
The universe is not in the business of handing out ‘karmic punishment,’ for we are not judged as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ for our choices and actions. All of our choices and actions have value and teach us lessons. So, why would there be any need for a universal system of punishment? Or reward, for that matter?
This is not to say that karma does not exist. On the contrary, we can see karma at work all the time in everyday life, down to the most mundane things we choose to do. However, karma is not a force of reckoning, but the cause and effect of energy, which is a universal law.
When we live a heart-centered life, doing good deeds and being kind to ourselves and others, we will feel joyful, happy, fulfilled and at peace. We thrive in the vibrant flow of positive energy. On the other hand, when we live a heartless life, do things that are wrong, destructive, and evil, and we are unkind or cruel to ourselves and others, we will feel miserable, hopeless, dissatisfied, depressed. We suffer in the thick mud of negative energy.
The Ghosts Of Regret
As part of my training as a spiritual life coach, our class was asked to do a profound exercise. Our task was to imagine ourselves on our deathbed someday, being visited by a gathering of ghosts. We had to imagine these ‘ghosts’ from our past as being very bitter and angry, because they represented all the things we never achieved or succeeded in, coming back to haunt us. They were the ghosts of our unfulfilled goals and dreams returning to die along with us.
We were asked to then review our life and imagine what we would say to ourselves and our ‘ghosts,’ now that our life is over. What would we advise ourselves to do if we could go back in time, get a second chance, and somehow live our life anew?
For me, this was a very thought-provoking process. The first thought for me was my personal ‘bucket list’ of things I still want to experience in this lifetime. For example, I still want to travel on the Orient Express train with my family; see the view from The Shard (a 72-storey skyscraper in London); fly down The Grand Canyon; and witness the splendor of Niagara Falls.
There are many things I still hope to also do. But why have I not done at least some of it yet? Too busy earning a living? Yes, we all get busy, and most of us need to work. However, does this mean we cannot also lead a fuller life?
The next thought the deathbed exercise brought up for me was a sad memory from a few years ago, when my late brother was receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local hospital. We were very close as siblings. He confided in me one day, while we sat looking out the hospital window and saw a young family walking by, that he often feels intense regret and sadness when he sees people with their kids and grandkids, while he had no offspring of his own.
From Fictional Self To Authentic Self
A new concept that seems to be going around a lot lately in the spiritual community is to be your ‘authentic self.’ But what does this really mean? How do you know who your authentic self is? Heck, you may say, “I’m still trying to find out what my life purpose is, never mind who I truly am!”
Well, as a result of our education, our upbringing, our family dynamics, our job, and such, when we are asked the question “who are you,” we resort to answers such as: a mom, a dad, engineer, doctor, janitor. We tend to express our identity by what work we do, what credentials we have, and what society or our community has told us to be. We are bombarded by social, political, environmental and family expectations that can overwhelm us in modern life.
On top of this, the world today seems to be in chaos. There is distrust everywhere, and we have to contend with challenges like identity theft and social peer pressure. Yet, we are now also expected to know our authentic self? “God, help me, I don’t have time to look for that! I have the kids to take care of, work deadlines to keep, dinner and laundry to do, and I urgently need to sign up for an exercise program to reduce my weight!”
It is never ending, you say. Your authentic self is somewhere, you just don’t know where and no time to find it. But that is just the point! All these things we are expected to do are there because of the pressure we put on ourselves. As we look through our colored lenses of self-inflicted expectations and the social pressure we have learned from family or peers, we lose touch with who we really are, and what we truly want.
Seven Powerful Ways To Attract True Love
For the metaphysically aware single person there are powerful, tried-and-tested ways to create, attract and manifest romantic love. Many of my clients have attracted their life mate using these techniques, and it has also helped some of my single friends to find love and romance.
The following are ways to open up and allow your heart to connect with someone who is your vibrational love match.
Alignment. First, you need to understand that we cannot attract anyone or anything into our life unless we are on the same frequency with that person or thing. We need to align our energy vibration with that which we are hoping to attract. Attuning ourselves to what we feel worthy of manifesting is key.
Higher Vibration. We also need to raise our vibration to a level of consciousness where we are consistently in greater alignment with the energies of unconditional love, compassion, kindness, tolerance, patience, gratitude, peace and joy. Why? Because true, long-lasting love of the ‘soulmate’ variety is found in these higher realms of vibration.
Non-Resistance. An important ingredient is to not create resistance by being too intensely attached to the outcome. If we put too much focus or emphasis on our intentions and goals, we create resistance. God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants all of us to experience happiness and fulfillment, and live our best life. But if we want something too badly, we delay or deflect it from coming into our life. Being overly attached creates self-defeating energy roadblocks.
Happiness Is To Follow Your Path With Joy
Discouragement, failure, heartache. Poor Moses did not have it easy. He went daily to the throne of the Pharaoh to ask for the release of his people. His life hadn’t started out very well. His mother had to hide him in the bulrushes, so he wouldn’t be killed right after his birth.
Then he went to live in the princess’s house, and knowing he was different he often felt alone. Adopted by royalty, his biological mother and sister were still living as slaves in the fields. He wasn’t happy. He should have been in high spirits, because he had everything a young man could desire…except he knew he didn’t belong.
Then, before he realized what had happened, this young man had killed an Egyptian soldier! So, here he was, a sought criminal, running away and going into hiding.
He had a stutter when he spoke, so he was a quiet man. But then Great Spirit puts him on his true path, instructing him to “go talk to Pharaoh, tell him to let my people go.”
What! Look, this path can’t be right? Yet, reassured by the prophets, the messengers, he embraced his task of getting the Israelites out of Egypt. With his brother by his side to do the talking, Moses finally went to the Pharaoh, and kickstarted the dream of freedom from slavery.
God helped Moses by creating problems for the Egyptians. He sent plagues and calamities. At first the results were disappointing and there was no change. Time after time, ten times in fact, just as the release seemed to be granted, the Pharaoh snatched it back again. But eventually see the plan finally work out.