bereavement
A Missed Call From Heaven
Did you know a deceased loved one can contact you from the other side using a telephone? I know this from firsthand experience. This happened to me twice, 35 years apart.
In 1976, after coming home from church one day, I received a phone call from my grandfather, who had passed away earlier that day. When I answered the phone I had no clue that my grandfather had died. It was a silent phone call from the afterlife to say his goodbyes.
Recently, 35 years later, I have had a repeat experience of this exact same experience. This time it was on my cell phone. I was on the Interstate 70 highway, driving back from Indiana to Ohio. It was an exhausting and stressful journey. On the way, I noticed that my phone showed that I had missed a call. It was kind of weird, because the phone never rang. I did not give it a second thought and rather concentrated on my driving.
When I finally did get to Ohio, I was relieved that the long drive was finally over – until my gas light came on. I really didn’t want to stop at that point in time, but I had no choice. So, I figured I might as well get something to drink.
When I walked in the store to get my drink, I smelled a familiar odor of cigar smoke that I have not smelled since the 70’s. It was the distinctive smell of the cigars that my grandfather used to smoke. And it was very, very strong. It was so intense that I had to stop what I was doing. To be honest, it gave me a cold chill down my back – to such an extent that I even turned around to see who was there. But there was no one else around.
When I got back to my car, I noticed that the battery on my cell phone was blinking. I knew for a fact, when I left the car, that my battery was almost fully charged. I picked up the phone and it showed that I had two missed calls from a person called Perry Anderson. My grandfather’s name was Perry Anderson, but his contact details are not stored on my phone…because he died decades ago in 1976!
The Soul Future Of Past Relationships
To outward appearances, endings are a structural matter – now there is a relationship, now there is no relationship. From the soul point of view, ending is a different experience of the relationship.
Ending is not literal at all, but rather a radical shift in imagination. For example, a woman’s father passes on. In her soul the relationship may now intensify and may become the dominant myth shaping her other relationships, her career, and every other aspect of her life.
Memories of her father may now become more vivid than ever, and new feelings may surface. He may be more influential in her life now than when he was alive.
Another example might be a man who divorces his wife, thinking that now his thoughts will turn toward a new life. With the struggle of decision and separation now passed, feelings formerly nudged out of awareness now come to the forefront.
Completely unexpectedly, he now has dreams of her seducing him, suggesting that in some way ‘she’ now has renewed desired for him. Years later, he says what many people say: “I didn’t have to go through that divorce. If only I had known then what I know now…”
Apparently there is something in every relationship that is eternal, that goes on forever, and that wants to be exempted from the life-decision to cut ties. If you are experiencing this, it is not your imagination. You are simply being quite human.
Obviously, our relationships are not as simple or as limited in scope as we sometimes like to think them to be. There are only so many people we come to know in a lifetime, and an even smaller number with whom we live intimately. Continue reading
Asking ‘Why’ When A Loved One Is Lost
When you lose someone you love in a sudden, unexpected way, such as suicide, a car accident, murder, or domestic violence, it always seems so unfair and tragic. It is usually so difficult to understand why this had to happen?
The truth is that we will never truly know the ‘why’ of things. The biggest regret that I hear from so many bereaved people is that they never had a chance to say goodbye.
Someone passing due to old age or illness usually affords us the time to prepare for the loss and to say our goodbyes. Typically, you will haves some time with the person, to be kinder, to be compassionate and to let them know how much they are loved. A sudden passing robs us of all of this.
I am personally very aware of the emotions, feelings and experiences that come after a loved one’s life is lost so suddenly and unexpectedly. More than a decade ago, I lost my stepson to suicide. He was only 32 years old. Within 2 days of this tragedy, a another local young man also took his life. He was only 22.
The widespread trauma of the pandemic over this past year has brought back many of these feelings for me. Many people I know, all men, have taken their own lives because they have lost their jobs, businesses or life partners. Some of these men were successful business owners, but the lockdowns triggered something inside of them that led them to think suicide was a better way, or the only way out.
I talk to an abuse counselor at least two to three times a month and we discuss the unavailability of abused women to get help, because the shelters that are there to protect them are usually full to capacity. I personally know two women whose lives were tragically ended by an abusive partner or ex-partner who they just could not get away from. You read about these cases almost every day. It makes zero sense if you try to find the logic in it.
And accidents happen in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, it was two locals snowmobiling in our area, who hit each other head on. One passed instantly, the other suffered only minor injuries. The week before it was a tractor trailer hitting a car that pulled out in front of it. The truck driver is fine, but the car and passenger is no longer with us. Continue reading
Keeping My Promise To A Departed Loved One
Sometimes we become so busy and preoccupied in our daily lives that we forget the commitments we made to loved ones, relatives and friends. But this does not only apply to the living. Some of us also forget the promises we make to those that are no longer with us.
Too often we hold the hand of a loved one on their deathbed and promise to look after those they will be leaving behind. They wish for us to look after those they will no longer be able to care for and love in this life. And we promise wholeheartedly to do whatever it is they ask of us in their final moments.
But once they have departed and life returns to normal, we soon forget these promises and serious conversations. Our memories become conveniently selective. We usually don’t mean for this to happen, but life does have a way getting in the way.
I had a shocking reminder recently of my own selective memory in this regard. Several years ago, I got into the habit of journaling about issues in my life that deeply matter to me. Recently, I was not able to sleep and was encouraged by spirit to go through my journal.
So, I sat up at about four o’clock in the morning and randomly opened my journal on the very page where I had written about a promise that I had made to a loved about another person, whom I had a strong dispute with in the past. Being only human, I had some seriously negative feelings towards that individual.
However, I had promised to check in and be supportive to this person, whom I did not like very much at all, on behalf of the person who was in their final hours. At the time, I remember saying that I would “do my best” and that “if I could, I would.”
The promise was much more than just checking in on the relative. It went as far as the very items I was meant to get at the grocery store, as well as things to say to this person when I delivered it. I had however conveniently forgotten about it since, until I discovered the entry in my journal.
Losing Touch With Our Departed Loved Ones
Some people have at least one long-standing friendship from their early childhood years. During your elementary years, the friendship grew to a soft and accepting duality that you easily embraced.
As the time progressed, the ‘best buddies’ syndrome only became stronger, as you melded into the somewhat trying years of early adolescence and puberty. It created an easy belief that this camaraderie would last for the entire duration of your earthly existence. You believed that you would be in each other’s lives forever!
These friendships lend itself to a sense of comfort that helps us deal with the trials and tribulations that young lives normally must endure.
The next thing you know, as you both matured and progressed further in life, your best friend found herself a wonderful life partner, they moved away from your area. But you both vowed to stay in touch and keep the friendship intact, just as it was when you were in your formative years.
At first all was well. You wrote, emailed, texted, phoned, sent the birthday and holiday gifts. You did whatever had to be done to keep those lines of communication open. If all went well, you both did your fair share.
In time, the calls became less frequent, the disconnect between you began to widen, as life took on a unique format for each of you. It is not that you feel less love and affection for each other, it is only that life has a way of moving forward into new and challenging directions. You will always be dear and cherished friends to each other, you will always care about the needs and concerns in each other’s lives, but life moves on.
This narrative is no different if your adored friend and confidant has since left this earthy existence and moved on the other side. We can have clear and constant communication from a loved one that has passed on. Their spirit still has great attachment to those they left behind.
Walk In Faith As You Move Forward
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” I have relied on the words of this verse from 2 Corinthians for most of my life with much success, no matter how tough times have been.
What does it mean to walk in faith, and not by sight? Well, it means to keep going and to keep your faith in God, Spirit, a Higher Power, even when you are not sure of where exactly you are headed.
This past year these words could not have been more relevant. It has been very difficult for all of us, especially for those who have lost loved ones. Sadly, in our day and age, when a loved one passes, we don’t always get the support we need in order to get through the loss and get the help we need to move forward.
Processing grief on your own is no easy task. First we have to accept that our loved one is not with us in the physical sense anymore, but their soul is always with us. They will tell us that they are still here, but they do not want us to have an unhappy life, they don’t want us to be alone.
In our soul contract one of us agrees to leave before the other, whether it is a parent, husband, wife, child, sibling, whomever it may be, and that the one left behind would be experiencing what it means to endure such a loss.
As we struggle to move forward, people might say, why aren’t you feeling better yet? Time to get over it. Life goes on. Why are you still so sad? Well, it just doesn’t work that way, and anyone who has experienced such a loss understands that it takes a lot of time for the heart to truly heal.
I lost my husband of 31 years a long time ago. You don’t ever get over it completely, but it does get easier with time. It’s a step-by-step process, and having people that support you means so much to help you get through.
Time To Cleanse The ‘Energy Clutter’ Of 2020
The year 2020 is coming to an end. It has been a challenging year for most of us, to say the least. Some have lost everything that they thought was important in their lives, while others discovered what truly is important in their lives.
In many cases, the material and superficial things that we used to cherish so much have now been replaced by the simple longing to just hug a loved one, touch a friend’s hand, or just be part of a crowd of like-minded people at a music festival or sports event.
It has indeed been an exceedingly difficult year for our relationships, social life, careers, businesses, finances, and especially our mental health and well-being. The lockdowns, social distancing and mask wearing (or lack thereof) has been taking its toll.
Mental illness is said to at an all-time high, and suicides rates have increased significantly. Families will be celebrating the holidays this year without one or more of their family members, and many are having to grieve the tragic passing of a loved one.
You may look at all this stress, chaos and suffering, and ask yourself if any possible good can come from the events and circumstances of the past year?
Well, I do believe 2020 to be the best opportunity we will ever have in our lifetime to truly find the deeper meaning and purpose of life. This is the ideal time to identify everything that is not important in our lives and release what no longer serves us.
This is a time to cleanse your aura, clear your vibration, and discard the ‘energy clutter’ in your life. Loving and caring for yourself is fundamental at the moment. Be kind to yourself and do not judge yourself harshly for things you have no control over. Just do the best you can with what you have and take it one day at a time. We are simply being sidelined for a period of time. This to shall pass.
White sage is my go-to for clearing my living space and my personal energies. When bad vibes and negative energy clutter start to pile up, I take a few moments to simply breathe and relax, cleanse my aura with white sage, then breathe again. It lifts my inner being.