self-sabotage
Transform Your Life With Sustainable Resolutions
Every new year, I hear my clients complain about what they hope to change about themselves, what they want to change about themselves, or what they should be changing about themselves.
I then ask them why they are not claiming their power to change right now?
You do not have to wait until the New Year or some other major life event to make a change in your life. Once you’ve decided on a new path or course of action, the key is to stick with it for the long haul, taking small steps every day.
The Japanese call this kaizen, a philosophical concept that emphasizes continuous improvement, often in small increments. The idea is that by making consistent progress, even if it is just a little bit each day, you can eventually achieve significant results.
Sustainability should be the ultimate goal of whatever you decide to change in your life. While New Year’s resolutions are all noble and lofty, you have to acknowledge the inherent resistances and blockages you carry within and agree to be patient with yourself in order to ultimately get there.
I’m still working on some New Year’s resolutions I made in 2016. Do I look back in horror and say, “Why is it taking so long?” or “I really should be doing better!” Sometimes, yes! Do I use that as an excuse to backslide, fall off the wagon, or throw in the towel? Not at all, mostly because I’ve come to realize that if I hadn’t decided years ago to make those resolutions to make powerful changes in my life, I’d still be where I was, or worse. I’d be living a life of regret, not progress.
Free Yourself From Karmic Debt This Year
With the start of a new year, many of us are eager to set new financial goals and improve our overall financial situation. For those struggling with debt, the new year can be a great time to take control of your finances and make a plan to get out of debt.
But there is more to our life journey than financial debt. There is also the much more important soul debt known as our karma. A debt that for some of us may require much more urgent attention.
Karmic debt is the result of all the negative actions we take in this life, and in past lives, that have consequences beyond our present existence. If we accumulate bad karma through actions that cause harm to others or ourselves, we will experience negative consequences in this life, or in a future life. These karmic consequences will in time manifest as difficulties, challenges, obstacles and sufering in our lives. Similarly, if we accumulate good karma through deeds that benefit others, we will experience positive consequences such as abundance, happiness, health, and success.
If you feel persistently stuck in some kind of negative cycle, burdened by what feels like repeated bad luck, hard times, or difficult relationships, karmic debt is most likely playing a role. Breaking these patterns requires that you take responsibility for your misdeeds or inappropriate actions in the past.
The Law Of Reverse Effect
I remember talking to a very distraught client a few years ago about a man with whom she had been having a secret affair for 24 years. It was a relationship she was very obsessed with and had stubbornly pursued for over two decades, despite many red flags and a great deal of frustration and disappointment along the way.
When this man finally got up the courage to divorce his wife, he left not only his wife, but also his mistress. Within three months, he was in a relationship with someone new and told my client that he never really felt that way about her anyway.
She wanted to know how this could be? She expected with 100% certainty that he would be with her and no one else after the divorce, but the exact opposite happened. After all, she had put a lot of time, effort, energy, love, and devotion into this secret relationship, not to mention all the stress, frustration and drama she had to endure for over two decades.
At the time, this tragic story made me think about some of the free will choices I have made in my own life. There have been times when I, too, have stubbornly expected things to turn out a certain way for me because I pursued it with vigor, only to be devastated when it did not. For example, many years ago, a guy I had a huge crush on and thought was really into me ended up hitting on my best friend while we were out on a date! I guess the moral of the story is to never pursue someone who is not really that into you.
Embrace Your Personal Power In Relationships
Our relationships have great power and influence in our lives. In particular, many of us spend countless hours pursuing love and romance. Then, once we are in a relationship, we spend even more time and energy thinking about it, confiding in friends about it…often trying to make the relationship different or better.
I deal with this almost daily as I have counseled hundreds of lovesick, frustrated, and heartbroken clients over the years.
“If only he would do what I want, things would be different,” some of my clients might say. “If only he would be more open and honest, maybe I could trust him more.” Truth be told, I have heard similar words come out of my own mouth about my own relationships more times than I care to admit!
Unfortunately, instead of successfully influencing our partner’s words or behavior, we are often left feeling disappointed, betrayed, frustrated, powerless, or out of control. It is draining, pointless, and definitely not the best use of one’s time and energy.
So how do we change it? How do we take emotional control of our life and our relationships? The answer is shockingly simple.
It is all about taking a different, broader perspective on relationships and what they are here to teach us. A quote from Unity Church’s Daily Word magazine perfectly captures this shift in perspective: “Through our relationships with one another, we express the power, presence and love of God.”
Comparison Poisons The Heart, Mind And Soul
When we are going through difficult times, we tend to compare our struggles and suffering to the lives of others and measure ourselves by their perceived happiness, joy and success.
We often do this these days by comparing our own lives to what others post on social media. Then we judge and mentally torture ourselves for not living up to other people’s highlight reels of happiness and good fortune.
Sure, it is sometimes beneficial to self-reflect and strive for more based on the examples of others who serve as our role models. However, when we indiscriminately compare our own life journey to everyone else’s, we end up diminishing our own uniqueness and value.
While social comparison can motivate us to improve and grow, it can also lead to toxic self-judgment, envy, resentment, and extreme unhappiness. Constantly focusing on the highlights of other people’s lives quickly becomes toxic and self-destructive.
However, this tendency is not a character flaw in some of us. In fact, it is a natural evolutionary instinct that we all have. Our ancestors survived by living in social groups. Our tendency to compare ourselves to others is therefore a very common human trait, rooted in our evolution as a species.
Being Patient With The Man You Love
When we meet someone we’re attracted to, we don’t always listen to our inner voice and tend to go with our heart instead of our head. And when we don’t listen to our inner guidance and get ahead of ourselves, we tend to get hurt.
I think it is fair to say that modern women prefer men who say what they mean and mean what they say. Women today are independent and we want someone who can stand his ground and bring out the best in us.
Today’s empowered woman wants a gentleman, a best friend, a soulmate and a superhero all in one. We want romance and respect, adventure and security, strength and tenderness.
But most of all, we want loyalty, honesty and trust. Because without that, we have nothing. Unfortunately, some men never speak their minds, and some never tell the truth.
There are also men who come on too strong, always calling, always texting, making you feel like he can’t live without you and everything seems almost too good to be true. Then suddenly one day he is gone, missing in action, retreated to his cave.
Reconnect With The Power Of The Universe
When we come into this existence, we remain energetically connected to the colossal power of our Source. The infinite power of the universe is always with us.
When we desire something that will serve our highest good or enhance our sense of self and well-being, this eternal power to which we are all connected is always working on our behalf. Why not use something that is already there as a natural extension of who and what we are?
The trick for most of us is to fully believe, accept and utilize this creative energy connection.
When we are in the habit of not expecting too much good to happen to us, Source does not judge or question, nor does it actively seek to improve or change our lives without our participation. It simply remains present and continues to flow in resonance with our passive or even pessimistic energy frequency until we awaken to the full magnificence of its full transformative potential.
It is up to us to reach out and call upon the creative power of the Universe to create a flow of energy in a new direction or at a higher frequency that will immediately respond to our intentions, wishes and desires. You may have tried to connect with source energy in this way, but have not received favorable results. The main reason this happens is often because our doubt, fear or negativity has blocked the way.