parenthood
The Ghosts Of Regret
As part of my training as a spiritual life coach, our class was asked to do a profound exercise. Our task was to imagine ourselves on our deathbed someday, being visited by a gathering of ghosts. We had to imagine these ‘ghosts’ from our past as being very bitter and angry, because they represented all the things we never achieved or succeeded in, coming back to haunt us. They were the ghosts of our unfulfilled goals and dreams returning to die along with us.
We were asked to then review our life and imagine what we would say to ourselves and our ‘ghosts,’ now that our life is over. What would we advise ourselves to do if we could go back in time, get a second chance, and somehow live our life anew?
For me, this was a very thought-provoking process. The first thought for me was my personal ‘bucket list’ of things I still want to experience in this lifetime. For example, I still want to travel on the Orient Express train with my family; see the view from The Shard (a 72-storey skyscraper in London); fly down The Grand Canyon; and witness the splendor of Niagara Falls.
There are many things I still hope to also do. But why have I not done at least some of it yet? Too busy earning a living? Yes, we all get busy, and most of us need to work. However, does this mean we cannot also lead a fuller life?
The next thought the deathbed exercise brought up for me was a sad memory from a few years ago, when my late brother was receiving rehabilitation treatment at a local hospital. We were very close as siblings. He confided in me one day, while we sat looking out the hospital window and saw a young family walking by, that he often feels intense regret and sadness when he sees people with their kids and grandkids, while he had no offspring of his own.
The Spiritual Practice Of Flower Power
Every now and again, I purchase a bouquet of flowers as a gift to myself. Placing a vase of flowers on your home altar or sacred space adds nature-inspired ambiance, brightness, and sensuality to one’s spiritual self-care.
I also love to diffuse the essential oils of flowers, especially when I meditate, but they don’t have the tangibility and energetic beauty of a stunning array of fresh blooms. Analogous to eating whole food versus taking a supplement, fresh flowers represent the wholeness, divine design, and awe-inspiring beauty of Gaia, Mother Nature, our Earth Mother, the Divine Feminine.
Unadulterated, the ‘flower power’ of a beautiful bouquet commands marvelous healing energies, blesses the giver, and inspires bountiful gratitude in the recipient.
The most powerful spiritual practice involving flowers is to plant your own flower garden with perennial varieties, such as tulips, black-eyed susans, and chrysanthemums. With careful planning around the seasonal calendar one can also have different species in bloom at different times throughout the entire year.
Cultivating a thriving garden of flowers is a magnificent form of energy work. It attracts and manifests emotional healing, abundance, and the fulfillment of wishes, especially in aspects of romance, marriage, fertility, and parenthood. By lovingly nurturing and caring for the delicate beauty of living flowers, we invite much love, beauty and abundance into our lives.
Soul Circle Family Ties
Children choose their parents and families before they arrive in this world. In spiritual terms there is therefore no difference between a biological child and an adopted child. All souls belong to a soul group or soul circle, no matter what their chosen physical incarnation and human family structure may be.
The soul of an adopted child is just as much part of her family’s original soul circle as that of her sister, who chose instead to be physically born into the same family. They have both been part of their soul circle for eternity, and always will be.
Parents of adopted children, who also have biological children, will tell you that they feel the same spiritual and emotional bond with all their kids. They experience the same levels of attachment, connection, and love with each child. Spiritually aware parents often also report that they feel they have known the souls of both their adopted and biological children in previous lifetimes, or that there was an instant soul recognition the moment they first saw each child.
We choose our earth families, parents, and physical bodies before we are born. Our soul knows before birth the physical traits, capacities, and disabilities our body will have in this lifetime, as well as the talents, gifts, shortcomings, and limitations we will have in our chosen incarnation.
We also decide how we wish to join our chosen human families, including by birth, surrogacy, adoption, and even the blending of families. These choices our souls make are determined by our chosen soul purpose and life path. There are many karmic reasons why soul circle members may prefer adoption, instead of biological birth.
Karmic Fate Versus Free Will Manifestation
We often say things are ‘meant to be,’ or it was ‘fated’ and therefore out of our hands entirely. But is this really true? How much of what happens in our life is pure luck, chance, or predestined fate? How much of our destiny do we actually control?
Many people also believe that we are able to manifest whatever we want. But how is this even possible if there is such a thing as fate? If predestination or divine will rules part, or even most of our life, then surely there must be limitations or restrictions to what we can manifest?
Well, not exactly. There is fate, but there is also free will.
It is my understanding that fate is related to our karmic life lessons, while free will is our capacity to make choices and manifest aspects of our life as we desire. Many people do this unconsciously most of the time. However, as much as we have free will, the karmic lessons we have to learn are still woven into our life choices and integrated with our manifestations.
So, some aspects of our lives are indeed fated certainties. For example, experiencing certain major life events or traumas. These immutable, unchangeable events or outcomes are related to the karmic lessons we have selected to work through in this lifetime.
If a chosen karmic lesson is, for example, is tied to the experience of infertility it may be ‘fated’ that the person who chose this path will not be able to have children of their own in this lifetime, or will at least struggle to do so. This is an example of how a karmic lesson can limit or restrict manifestation. But, while it may preclude the experience of parenthood in this lifetime, it does not block the potential manifestation of parenting experiences – there are other options open to becoming a parent, such as adoption, fostering, or a blended family.
How To Make Gratitude A Way Of Life
Life has certainly not been easy for me recently. First and foremost, my iPhone, email account, bank account and credit card had all been hacked by some very clever cyber-criminal. Soon after, my brother went into hospital for the second time. I was feeling rather sorry for myself until one day, after visiting my brother in the hospital, I was delayed while driving home. I had to stop at a junction to allow oncoming traffic to pass. A hearse was passing by on the other side of the road.
“God bless the deceased and their loved ones,” I softly prayed.
As the funeral procession moved closer, I noticed that the flower wreath beside the coffin had a ribbon with the words: Beloved Daughter. In a flash, all my own problems seemed to evaporate, as I thought of the bereaved parents of the deceased. Here I was, complaining that I could not access my email account, while other people were grieving the passing of a loved one. Although it was a brief, random experience, it made me take a step back and take an honest look at my life. It caused me to reflect upon the many blessings in my life and, apart from my brother’s current health condition, the ongoing well-being of the rest of my family.
The hearse experience was highly synchronistic and definitely a sign from spirit. The Universe no doubt had an uncanny hand in ochestrating this occurence, as it mimicked an similar experience I had almost 20 years ago! Back then, my son had been born three months prematurely and suffered a minor brain hemorrhage as a result. Statistically, the doctors told me, the odds were fortunately in favor of him surviving such a premature birth. Still, the four months that he was in hospital were probably the most harrowing of my life!
Take Some Time Out To Embrace The Silence
I see now, more than ever before, parents busying their children with this and that sport, and this and that activity. I sometimes wonder if they ever have time to just be children.
I see how fast time flies these days and I think we actually make it go by even faster by overloading our lives with so much activity. We over commit ourselves way too much. I have been carefully watching my world lately, and I have seen the busy lifestyles of my friends and family. I see how frantic everyone has become. Such a commotion!
I find it disturbing how we over-busy ourselves and our children, and our lives. We really miss out on what I deem as the ‘finer things’. We need to get that connection back. It’s never too late.
We need to take it down a notch. I understand there are things we have to do – go to work, pay the bills, chores to do, people to see. Sure, I get it! But there are those additional things that we sign on to do when we really shouldn’t, or don’t have the time for, and when we do it has a domino effect. Chaos. Anxiety. Stress.
We need time to unwind more, and not just when we give ourselves six or less hours of sleep. We carve time out for our kids and for our friends and family, and often there is really no time left for a few blissful moments of silence. It’s in the silence that we can know ourselves and truly learn to live with a glass half full mentality.
We are filling our days with so much unnecessary activity these days just to keep up with the Joneses. What is wrong with staying home once in a while? I think staying at home is underrated. I don’t know about you, but home is where my yoga mat has its place and I don’t have to pay a gym membership to be active in my own home. It’s also where my library is, and my family, and most of the things I love and enjoy.
Just Existing, Not Living?
Do you ever feel like you’re existing and not actually living? Well, guess what? You’re not alone. I think at some point in our lives we all do, especially after everything we have endured over the past two years.
In these difficult times, we worry about our health and safety, money, career paths and choices, the perfect house, the perfect partner or spouse.
Our children. Have we raised them right? Or, have we spoiled them? If you don’t know yet…two year olds grow up and teenagers grow out of it!
All of the above are legitimate concerns. But at some point we need to remember to worry only about the things we can control.
Stop focusing so much time and energy on the things you cannot control. All it brings us are toxic thought patterns, an anxious heart and a restless soul. Once we have learned to give all of that up, life seems a tiny bit easier.
There is a famous saying: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” How very true. You can fixate on all the frustrations, promise yourself that you’ll do this and that, or feel better once you get to wherever – but it doesn’t necessarily work that way. Because it’s easier to think about what you’d rather do, than to just going out and doing it.