family
Empowering Life Lessons From My Abusive Father
My father Jim had to grow up quickly in the tough pre-war years. He was the eldest of six children and he did not have an easy childhood, nor tolerant parents.
But life became even more challenging for Jim as he reached adulthood. My parents were married at the age of 21 and had three kids by 23, and another baby at 34.
Jim faced many challenges. As a result, to vent his frustration and process all the stress, he often took it out on those closest to him, namely his wife and children.
Let’s just say my father was not always the ideal husband and parent. It became so bad by the time I was an adult that he would do whatever he could to disrupt my life and my family in any way that you might imagine. The sad part was that he actually wanted to hurt us, as doing so gave him a bizarre sense of satisfaction and control over those closest to him.
I first became fully aware of my father’s desire to disempower his kids when I was about 22 years old. The year was 1982, and jobs were very hard to come by in the United Kingdom in those days. I had an office job but wanted something better. So, I decided to attend school for a year to learn shorthand and typing at the local technical college.
One day, I asked my dad if I could get a ride with him to college, because I had to sit an important exam at 2pm that day. He said I need not worry, as he would drop me off in plenty of time. But then he proceeded to make every excuse not to leave the house!
By quarter to two, I started to panic, as I could not possibly walk or catch a bus from my house to the college with so little time. At ten minutes to two, he finally agreed to take me to sit the exam, but then when we got in the car, he said he needed to go to the garage for gas. I looked at the fuel gauge and saw the car’s tank was full.
I suddenly realized he did not want me to sit the exam, as he did not want me to pass it and better myself and become more independent. Thankfully, his sabotage attempt failed, as I did pass the exam and went on to get a higher paying job.
Leave Some Space For Grace
When I read energy, it is shown to me in terms of the strength of that energy. In other words, the strength of the energy is directly tied to its manifestation here in the physical realm. As above, so below.
When we are angry or in conflict, we are often heavily invested in simply being right. And the more the argument evolves… the more virulent the energy becomes. This is never a hopeful, healthy precursor to manifesting better things in our life.
Fortunately, there is the powerful spiritual and emotional energy that love and forgiveness can also manifest in our lives, to counteract the impact of negative emotional energies.
A sister to the energies of love and forgiveness that is not always afforded equal honor, bit is equally powerful is the gift of grace. You may have heard of ‘grace under pressure?’ Essayist William Hazlitt defines grace as “the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.”
So, what is grace? Webster’s Dictionary defines grace as both a noun and a verb. Noun: unmerited favor, kindness undeserved. Verb: to confer dignity or honor on, or to add beauty to.
Grace is the ‘breath’ we take between anger and forgiveness. It is a choice to be silent, hold our tongue, and open the door for peace to enter into a challenging situation.
Angels naturally possess infinite grace, and many times the angels I work with have to remind me to hold my tongue, think before I speak, and simply be silent and listen to the person I am angry with. Being heard even if we are not understood is very validating. It says to the other person, “you are important to me, what you are feeling and thinking matters to me”. What you give you will receive.
Discovering My Supernatural Heritage At Grandma’s
Sometime around the year 1967 my parents told me one day that I was going over to grandmother’s house so that she could watch me while they were going somewhere for the day. I begged them not to take me there, because the place was haunted. I felt like something was always watching me at that house… and it was not my grandmother! But my parents told me my cousin Alan was going to be there too, and I would have someone to play with. So I reluctantly agreed.
When we pulled up my aunt and uncle were just driving off, so at least I knew my cousin was there and we could play with our trucks. When I walked in there was a little girl beside my cousin. My grandmother introduced her as Sally. She also watched Sally while her mom and dad went to work.
While my cousin and I where playing, Sally was happily playing all by herself. She was talking to an imaginary friend and they were playing with her dolls. At lunchtime I remember feeling like someone was tickling me at the table. Sally told me that I was sitting in her friend’s chair and asked me to move.
There was an empty chair across from me and I asked Sally why her friend could not just go and sit over there? Then I felt something pulling on my ear really hard, and I jumped! I quickly moved over to the other chair. I looked at my cousin, but he didn’t say a word. He just looked at me with his eyes really wide open.
When my grandmother returned to the kitchen, I told her that I wanted to go home. I wanted to call my mom and dad to pick me up. But she had just finished talking to my mom, who asked for me to spend the night at my grandmother’s. They would pick me up the next day. I was not impressed.
Keeping The Family Out Of Your Love Life
Family and our relatives have a huge impact on our romantic lives, whether we realize it or not. We bring so much from the way we were raised into our love relationships and marriages.
But having had a difficult childhood does not necessarily set us up for challenges and failure in our relationships. In fact, for those who are self-aware it can be an advantage of choosing not to bring the toxic drama of your childhood home into a current relationship.
For example, if you saw your father treat your mother without respect, you might set your mind to never allowing that happen in your own relationship. This kind of courage and personal responsibility can break the cycle.
We all have things that happen in childhood things that happen that are out of our control, it is all in how you deal with them that forms us as adults. We have a choice always.
The other aspect is culture and the values and customs with which we were raised. Depending on the circumstances it can have a significant impact on our relationships. Once again it is a choice how we want to handle it. Do we follow the family traditions, or not?
It takes courage and an open mind to march to your own drum. Standing up for what you believe can also go a long way. Sometimes this is vital to ensure a healthy, happy relationship that will last.
Of course, the biggest challenge for most couples is having the family up in your relationship business. Do your relatives influence your decisions and interfere in your relationship? Navigating a relationship or marriage successfully in this day and age is challenging enough.
Successful Relationships Begin With Self-Love
How do you ensure your relationship will work long-term? Many callers ask me this question almost every day. In my experience, there needs to be a balance of love, caring, respect and truth for any relationship to last. If you do not have these components in a relationship, more than likely it will not work out. If a relationship is out of balance, then it usually is too one-sided and not serving your highest good.
The key first step is to love and respect yourself, because when you love and respect yourself, you will also receive more love and respect from others. There is not much of a future for any relationship that is based on the self-sacrifice of one party. It never lasts and typically does not end well. Balance is required in matters of the heart.
Along with the respect you deserve in the way you are treated. it is loving, caring, and respectful? This is applicable to everyone in your life, including romantic partners, friends, co-workers, family, and relatives.
Respect is not only something we must demand, but we must also set boundaries for it in our daily life. When a boundary is repeatedly disregarded or violated by someone in your life, then something needs to change. This is when you have to say, enough.
Sometimes the hard decisions need to be made. If someone is not respecting you in your relationship, treating you poorly, and not meeting your most essential wants and needs, then it is time to make a change. Respect yourself enough to end it.
Too many people do not believe they deserve love and respect, for various reasons. The problem often begins in childhood. It is important to realize you do and to start loving yourself a little more – not in an egotistical way, but in a way that you love and respect yourself enough to want only the best for you and to no longer settle for anything less.
Energetic DNA
When I am reading for a client, and we are evaluating either a personal or a business relationship, I always ask for the first name of the individual or name of the business, as well as when the relationship began.
With this information I am able to see the client’s energy and then the separate, but very distinct energy, almost like a fingerprint, of the other people involved or attached to the client. The link becomes clear.
More importantly the strength of energetic pattern is revealed, and whether it is detrimental or constructive, supportive or invasive, positive or negative. I call this ‘energetic DNA.’
Positive energy left in our field enhances and strengthens us. It uplifts and encourages us, building our confidence, opening our minds and expanding our hearts. On the other hand negative energy does exactly the opposite.
When we are involved in any type of relationship, be it business or personal, family or friend, energetic DNA is always present. It is actively leaving a positive of negative mark on our energy field and can impact our daily lives in very powerful ways.
It’s extremely important to be aware of how the energetic DNA present in a relationship has affected us, or the future impact it may have. Love, family, money – these are all very important aspects of our lives. Who we bring into our hearts, our minds, or business can be the difference between happiness and heartbreak, peace or chaos, success or failure.
It’s Always Darkest Before The Dawn
Concepts of the Divine, with an ever-changing definition, have been part of the human experience since the beginning of time. Most of the world’s people throughout history continue to recognize a place for divinity in life.
Our spiritual journey, throughout the ages, has been steeped in mystery and often, superstition and dogma. Organized religions have historically attempted to answer deep questions, and have sometimes provided comfort and solace to people during times of upheaval.
However, the most important questions have been left unanswered. For example, we know precious little about ancient, prehistoric cultures that worshiped the Sacred Feminine. Earliest recorded myths and legends have been lost or destroyed, and most stories that remain portray not only a divine battle of the sexes, but a difficult, contentious relationship between the divine and human beings.
The Greek gods, for example, were capricious and mean-spirited. They plotted all sorts of obstacles that humans either did, or did not overcome in order to survive. Guile and trickery also set the stage for many myths from various indigenous cultures, in early human-god myth making.
With the rise of monotheistic religions, mankind was taught to blindly accept whatever lot the almighty doled out, fairly or unfairly. Emphasis was placed on omnipotent power, absolute authority and greatness, beyond any human capacity to comprehend, much less participate in.
These attitudes toward humans’ relationship with God have been echoed in authoritarian family and community practices, and even the military forces of nations. God became the ‘Almighty Father in the Sky’ issuing strict orders. There was no room for questioning in an authoritarian family or society. “Because I said so,” was reason enough to blindly obey. Punishment for infractions or disobedience was swift and sure.