pain
An Accelerated Path
Many people come to me after years, sometimes decades, of trying everything else: Astrology, Numerology, Genetics, Past Life Regression, therapy, and so on. Years of being understood, validated, affirmed, and being told narratives regarding why they are the way they are, did not bring them all the answers.
There is worth in all of the above practices, both in Psychology and Spirituality, or Metaphysics. However, growth requires challenge, and we are now in a ‘feel good’ culture, where if anyone gets upset, there is the potential of backlash, or even a lawsuit.
In the 1960s there was an amazing education role play called Brown Eyes, developed by an elementary school teacher. You can look up the video online, as well as the reunion footage years later with the kids, who are now adults. The game created a scenario in which children, and later also adults, were able to experience the profound effects of discrimination, prejudice and racism.
However, teachers were eventually sued for doing this role play in class, because of the emotional upset caused by the experience. Of course, the role play was not upsetting to the minority children who experienced the discrimination and prejudice all the time in their daily lives.
Moving On After A Relationship Breakup
I sometimes have clients who are struggling to move past a recent break-up, or they want to know if they will get back together with an ex. Focusing on the past, by wanting to go back to a happier time, or a relationship that left us sad when it ended, prevents us from living fully in the present. And this may be blocking your path to true happiness.
On the flip side, sometimes the universe will block your forward movement, because you are not truly ready for it. If you need to go through a period of grieving the past, do so in the healthiest way by looking towards the future.
The next chapter for you will be richer if you focus on the path ahead, be it with your ex in a new realm, or someone new. Just know the energy that you give out when you are stuck in the past does not welcome new relationships into your life – at least not healthy ones.
No one wants to go through the pain, sadness or loneliness of a breakup. In my mid-20’s I ended a very serious five year relationship. He had already bought the ring. I knew we were close to making a bigger commitment, but he had broken my trust many times in the relationship.
So, as I looked towards a future with him, I knew I no longer wanted to continue. The relationship ended abruptly and all contact with him was severed, like a death. As I look back I realize it had to end this way, as the relationship was only going in one direction, and I no longer wanted it, even though I still deeply cared for him.
The Day Inner Guidance Saved My Life
Two months ago, I miraculously survived a major aneurysm. That day, I listened to my inner voice and went to the hospital, to see why I had such a strange pain in my head. Thankfully, I paid attention to my inner guidance and the problem was discovered in time.
That voice I heard from within belongs to my spirit guide. He has been with me my whole life. Once he even appeared to me in an apparition and I was speechless, to say the least.
The aneurysm became apparent one morning as I woke up. I had an unusual headache in only on one part of my head. A headache is usually all over, not just located in one spot. Whatever could this be, I thought. A migraine maybe? How unusual, I thought.
I got up and made coffee, then I went back to bed, after taking some paracetamol. At that moment my guide’s voice came in and said… investigate the pain, something isn’t right. So, I called a nearby doctor’s office, but the receptionist advised me not to worry, she got these headaches too. “You will be fine,” she assured me. I took her word for it and went back to bed.
But, the voice within returned loud and clear. No, this isn’t right! I called another doctor’s office. The nurse there advised me to go to the hospital and have the pain examined. I called 911 and they sent an ambulance. When it arrived, the emergency medical technician said this could be very serious and placed me very carefully in the ambulance. Continue reading
The Past Can Prevent Your Future
Why am I stuck? Why am I not advancing? Why can’t I find love? Why is money never coming to me and always flowing out from me? These are questions I struggled with for a long time in my own life.
I delved deep into many aspects of life design, manifesting change, the Law of Attraction, deliberate creating, and personal growth and reinvention. I have watched, listened and been active in more workshops, online webinars and online learning in this genre than most will ever do in a lifetime. I have read the books and taken many notes. I have made the visions boards and spoken the affirmations. But no matter where I turned, I was always confronted with actual reality versus trying to ‘positive think and believe’ something else. How can we believe we are destined to be something different or better simply by speaking it…or visualizing it? The truth is, it isn’t that simple.
In my search for answers I have also watched others who have participated in the forums, seminars and workshops, and actually achieved something significant in their life. And it has been my observation that the people who have truly risen above their circumstances and achieved their dreams, are the ones that did the deeper inner work.
Dealing With Depression
Why are depressed people often considered a ‘downer’? To feel depressed is one of the most scorned, stigmatized emotions. Why, one has to wonder? I believe part of the reason is that people are uncomfortable being around someone who suffers from depression. Again, why? Are they maybe so unstable in their own façade of happiness that being around a depressed person will somehow set them off, tipping the balance in their fragile construction of superficial happiness?
Maybe the discomfort is due to others feeling compelled to ‘help’… only to end up feeling angry, frustrated or helpless around the depressed person, because they just don’t know how to be of any real assistance. This attempt at ‘helping’ is usually aimed at getting rid of the depression, but in truth an important part of real help is simple acceptance.
If one is truly centered, it usually does not matter if another is depressed or angry. Dealing with someone else’s depression is simply like accepting the weather. You wear a raincoat if you have to go out, or you simply stay inside and wait for the storm to settle.
Various genetic, social and environmental factors can affect mood and cause depression. Poverty, abusive relationships, family violence, addiction, toxic environments, including food additives and air pollution (including off-gassing), can all be factors in causing depression, as well as weight gain, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and so on.
Forgiveness Is The Solution
Forgiveness may be the path to a truly happy and fulfilled life. In his book The Forgiveness Solution, Dr. Philip Friedman puts forth the idea that all our emotional concerns, such as judgment, anger, and grievance, come from our inability to forgive. When we hold onto this emotional baggage, it harms everything. Hurt people hurt people. Taken to the extreme, it may lead to self-harm, or harm to others. But there’s a way out of this vicious cycle.
The first and most important step is to learn to forgive ourselves and develop, what Dr. Friedman calls ‘self-regulation skills.’ In essence these skills are defined by the classic Serenity prayer for courage to change what we can, acceptance of what we cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. In addition, becoming wholly healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, will better allow self-forgiveness.
When we engage in our daily spiritual practice, we should ideally include a mantra about forgiveness. It may take a while for the idea to take root. Habits take about 30 days to become routine, but after you’ve begun to forgive, you can let the pain go by the wayside.
Keeping a positive attitude is essential to the process of forgiveness. This doesn’t mean that you have to be happy all the time. What is does mean is that setbacks and obstacles are regarded as challenges to overcome, rather than insurmountable hurdles.
How To Be That One Person
Being a ‘helper’ in someone’s life is a sacred task. To be the one person who believes deeply in another, who ‘sees’ them despite their current circumstances, to be that person who expects them to be bigger than they are, who helps them see and reach beyond where they are now, and who never abandons them, while managing to hold your own space and not get victimized or abused by their lashing out… these are the actions and expressions of spiritual maturity expressed as universal love.
Universal love and tolerance is not a choice for ‘weenies.’ It is in fact a hero’s journey. By the way, I do not use the term ‘unconditional love,’ because I feel it is an overused cliché and it too often implies a world of hugs, kisses, complements and affirmations – and that is not all that love is. Those expressions of love are often the self-gratification addiction of a wounded person, who needs to be thanked and adored for giving ‘love’ to someone else. It is typically also the trademarks of a co-dependent, or narcissist.
Hugs and kisses represent only one aspect of love. It is the safest and most fun aspect of ‘showing love.’ However, love is not simply all about physical tokens and making someone else ‘feel good,’ so you also can feel good. To be a loving, spiritually aware, humble, strong ‘secret agent’ of love goes way beyond dishing out hugs and kisses.