pain
The Secret Stepping Stone Towards Positivity
I used to have a sign on my desk at work that said, “No negativity!” I found that most of my co-workers responded well to this message. The majority of my interactions, even the challenging ones, were pleasant.
Naturally, there were inevitably a few contrary folks who would see my sign and say smugly, “Isn’t no negativity a negative message?” To which I would smile and respond, “Two negatives equal a positive.”
Sometimes, people would approach me and say, “I respect your sign, but I’m just not feeling positive today.” I would then do my best to be sympathetic. “It’s okay,” I would say, “I’m not asking you to be positive. I’m just asking for you to not be negative.” I would then try to remind them that most things are not simply black or white.
People typically only think in terms of positive and negative, and completely forget about the third option, namely neutral. There is no need to fake being happy when you are not. But there is also no need to choose the opposite reaction, by jumping into the arms of misery or gloom.
No matter how naturally positive or optimistic a person may be, there will always be times in everyone’s life, when they just aren’t feeling upbeat or enthusiastic. Telling them someone to “think positive” or “just smile” doesn’t really help in those moments. In fact, it can make a person even more upset or frustrated, because it seems like other people don’t realize the extent of their pain. It can also make a person feel depressed or guilty about even having natural human emotions.
Love, Joy And Happiness After Years Of Hardship
I have a client who used to be extremely depressed. I recommend she speak to a therapist or counselor instead, because I felt that is exactly what she needed at the time. She had been harboring a lot of bitterness, grief, sadness, anger and other toxic negative emotions for a very long time. She needed professional help that I felt was beyond my scope of expertise.
So, she found a therapist and went for counseling, but months later she told me that the only thing she felt she accomplished was her spending thousands of dollars on help she never really received. She had still found no relief from her deep distress.
She had been bitter for a long time. While raising her children and attending church, her husband would cheat on her. She also worked the entire time the children were young, until they graduated. Meanwhile, he would leave on ‘business trips’ to go and gamble away their hard-earned livelihood, and spend time with other women. Then one day, he met someone he wanted to marry. So, they divorced and he moved far away to be with his new wife. He was a narcissist.
Her sadness and grief was also due to the loss of her mother, whom she had taken care of for 20 years after her father passed. She sacrificed a lot to dedicate herself to serving her mother’s needs. During this time she had no notion of self-care. She suffered on all levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually. She even gave up going to church. She was slowly dying inside and didn’t even know who she was anymore.
Extend Yourself The Grace Of Forgiveness
If you are an empath you may believe that forgiveness should be easy for you, or at least easier than it is for others. But I’ve spoken to many empaths and highly sensitive people over the years who all struggle with forgiveness.
One of the main issues with forgiveness for the empath is that we feel another’s emotions intensely, literally as our own. This muddies the waters considerably, because it tends to blur boundaries. Blurred boundaries can often lead to a closed mouth for an empath. Why? Because it is difficult for us, especially in childhood or in romantic relationships, to know where we end and another begins.
It is easy for others to manipulate appropriate boundaries with an empath, or to erase them altogether. All the empath knows is that there is pain, sadness, a sense of frustration, or anger. If you are an empath, then the question becomes are you angry with them, or yourself? Should you have been able to foresee the catastrophe happening, the relationship ending, job imploding, and so on. This leads to self-doubt and the rehashing of incidents that occurred years ago…with no resolution.
In the meantime, every time an empath thinks about the situation, past or present, we feel it…and the cycle continues.
Yes, you are empathic, intuitive, even psychic, but that does not make you immune to being human, neither does it make you all-knowing or all-seeing, especially when it comes to your own life, childhood or relationships.
Fly Me To The Moon
Despite modern day skepticism, people have reported seeing apparitions of those who have crossed over since the dawn of time. This paranormal phenomenon is definitely nothing new to my way of thinking, because I see spirit all the time. They tend to come back to let their relatives know they’re okay, and to reassure us that they are watching over us. But sometimes earthbound spirits also appear to ask for my assistance with shamanic soul rescue work.
One of my clients used to live in the busy part of Manhattan, in a very tall building where she could see other peoples balconies. When I was doing a phone psychic reading for her one day, she told me that there was a woman who kept looking over her balcony.
She could never figure out why she always kept looking down. For a while she thought she was trying to see if she had lost something that might’ve fallen from her balcony, or maybe she was looking at somebody. This had gone on for several months.
The unusual situation peaked my interest. One day, when I was consulting again with this client, there was a ‘nagging energy’ that kept coming in on my left. I decided to bring it in… and it was the woman on that balcony. Well, actually it was her spirit coming to me. The woman was no longer in this life. She had committed suicide and her spirit was still lingering on the balcony of that apartment building. Her spirit needed to be released.
Do It Anyway
No matter what we go through in life and with who, we always come back to the same place… a familiar place of being alone. The thought occurred to me the other day that we come into this world alone, and we go out alone.
Though we may be surrounded by others, at the end of the day, we are still alone when we go to sleep at night. Even if we are married, or in a relationship with someone who sleeps next to us, we still enter into the sleep state or dream state, alone.
Have you ever noticed that people who are comfortable being alone, have somehow mastered being alone without being lonely? There is a true comfort, freedom, and delight in being by oneself, alone. When we are alone, we can take an honest inventory of our life, who we choose to spend time with, and also decide how we wish to spend our time.
The relationship arena seems to be one of the most challenging areas of life. We all fall into traps and pitfalls that can steer us away from our natural state of happiness , which we come home to when we are alone. However, relationships also seem to provide a fast track for our own personal growth by revealing how we interact with other people.
Our relationships point out areas within ourselves that may require growth or increased self-love. Simply put, relationships show us exactly where we need to focus on to come back to a state of wholeness.
The Dreary Room Of Unbearable, Silent Suffering
Some people spend their life as if they are trapped in a cheap motel room with drawn, yellowed shades and a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door. Is this possibly your life too?
To ponder such an important question, to be sure, brings an illuminating insight not necessarily appreciated until consciously recognized – but not while holding a ‘passing fancy’ flippant attitude of nonchalant concern. Long-awaited release often only arrives after the slit, which has formed from those unbalanced motel drapes, offers a hint of brightness to the dreary room of denial and pretense.
Too many days of too many lives are dissipated in unexpressed anger, masked as benevolent concern. Until you come to grips with the gnawing unsettling disturbance, in your chest, you will, in no way, be able to embrace the fullness of unfulfilled potential in your life.
Raw adventure, insatiable variety, fun-loving spontaneity, and serendipitous enjoyment: words which now maybe symbolize an alien state of mind for you, are but a numbing reminder of how easily things which were so much a part of your life have slipped into another phase, which does no longer interests you in the least. In other words, could it be that you have become an unbearable bore to yourself and others?
You know how to create unending comedy in all of our endeavors, but may have forsaken the practice for a duller, somber, ‘more responsible,’ serious nature… which you feel is more appropriate and acceptable. You need to be more committed, you say, and much more dependable, in order to be happy. But, pray tell me, what has happened to your contented spirit? Where is your vivaciousness and vitality? By working so hard to achieve a specific way of producing certain results, you have deposited yourself in a sealed bank vault where there seems to be no possible method of withdrawal.
Shenpa Is Not About Getting ‘Called Out’
A true teacher offers you a path to extraordinary personal expansion, because she has no investment in praising you in your mediocrity or dysfunction, in order to help you falsely ‘feel good,’ so you will keep coming back for more. But many people find it hard, threatening, or embarrassing, to practice shenpa, even if it is coming from a teacher that loves them enough to be sometimes more committed to their advancement than they are themselves.
Shenpa is a form of mindfulness, applied to you, so you can basically call it ‘mindful self-awareness.’ It is originally a concept in Tibetan Buddhism, meaning ‘attachment’ or a place where we become ‘hooked’ or ‘stuck.’ Pema Chödrön describes shenpa as “the urge, the hook, that triggers our habitual tendency to close down. We get hooked in that moment of tightening when we reach for relief. To get unhooked, we begin by recognizing that moment of unease and learn to relax in that moment.”
In this age of ‘victim worship,’ most people have been taught and rewarded for being or praising victims, no matter what. This approach infers that the victim is a deformed, delicate, broken porcelain object that must be treated with soft gloves. The victim is considered to be so emotionally and mentally deranged that you must coddle them, because deep down inside you don’t believe they have the resources in their own Self to recover, to grow, to self-validate.
This ultimately is a putdown… not a vote of confidence. This gives the message to the victim that they are ruined for life and therefore you will tolerate any behavior from them. This gives the subliminal message that you feel sorry for them, do not expect much, if anything from them, and also do not ultimately believe they will ever recover. They are, in your mind, and how you treat them, damaged for life. But actually they are not. Getting a scar is not brain damage! Continue reading