solitude
Navigating Loneliness During the Holidays
The holiday season is traditionally portrayed as a time of togetherness, love, joy, and belonging. We are inundated with media images of families gathered around a festive table, friends celebrating, and communities coming together.
Paradoxically, for many people, this time of year is instead filled with feelings of loneliness, isolation and disconnection.
The root cause is the societal stereotype and cultural assumption that everyone should be joyful, happy, and surrounded by loved ones during the holidays. If you’re not, for whatever reason, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and social failure.
Holiday loneliness is exacerbated by the stark contrast between our actual circumstances and the commercially driven, idealized versions of holiday gatherings and celebrations we see in advertisements, television shows, movies, and social media. This increases feelings of disconnection, low self-esteem, and even depression.
Loneliness during the holidays can have a significant impact on mental health. Feelings of isolation and disconnection during this time of year can exacerbate existing mental health issues and lead to the development of new ones. The constant reminders of togetherness and joy, combined with a lack of social connections and meaningful interactions, can increase feelings of loneliness, leading to emotional distress, feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, and a decline in overall well-being.
The Golden Power Of Silence
I took my early morning walk today along a path surrounded by an olive grove on one side and almond trees on the other. In the background the beautiful hills seemed mystical in the early morning mist.
The only sounds that broke the silence at this early hour were the chirping of birds and the bleating of baby goats playing on the small farm opposite my house. Occasionally they were interrupted by their father, who seemed to keep them safe by nudging them into a particular corner of the property.
In these moments of peaceful silence I like to have a dialogue with spirit to receive some guidance or direction for the day, as well as answers to questions I may have about my life and work. But today I felt guided to simply contemplate the meaning of silence.
There are many forms of silence, some less peaceful than others. For example, there are the ‘elephant in the room’ or ‘cold shoulder’ moments of silence when there is awkwardness between people. There is also the ‘poker face’ silence, when someone pretends to listen, but in reality has mentally withdrawn from the conversation. We also fall silent when we are perplexed or confused. Sometimes we keep silent to avoid possible misunderstandings.
A very powerful form of silence occurs when we are deeply engaged in an activity, alone or with others. Everything else seems to fade away as we concentrate on the task at hand.
And of course the best kind of silence is when we are in communion with spirit and the cosmos. In these moments we feel completely at peace and connected to others and the universe. This silence nourishes the soul and gives rise to divine inspiration and spiritual insight.
Friends For A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime
I recently reconnected with a family friend with whom I had a very close relationship about three decades ago. She was like a mother figure in some ways, even though she was only about 12 years older than me at the time.
She is a very caring and nurturing person and was always there for me when my own mother was physically or emotionally unable. Her door was always open and she always had many people around her. After working in retail for many years, she changed careers to become a full-time caregiver, which she loved. After she retired and her husband passed away, she continued to be very active and had a very vibrant social life.
But during the Covid-19 pandemic, like many people her age, she experienced intense isolation and trauma. We spoke frequently on the phone during this time, and she was very much looking forward to the restrictions finally being lifted.
However, when the worst was over and most restrictions were lifted, her group of friends remained afraid to go out. Some of them even developed agoraphobia, a type of anxiety disorder that causes people to experience extreme, irrational fear of public places and unpredictable situations that they imagine could cause them harm, panic, or helplessness.
My dear friend was deeply affected by this. Seeing all her friends again was one of the things that kept her strong and hopeful through the chaos of the pandemic. But now she felt she had lost her tribe (beyond her family, who all have busy, demanding lives of their own and live several hours away). Fortunately, she is a determined soul who will not easily accept defeat and apparently she is gradually getting more of the old gang together for their usual fun meet-ups!
Turn Your Home Into A Sacred Space
How many times have you needed a timeout, or place of refuge to clear your mind? Seeking peace and balance is vital, with all of the breakdowns and breakthroughs occurring in our personal lives, and the world today. This is why making your home a scared space is essential to your energetic well-being and mental health.
For me, an energetically healthy home is a reflection of who I am spiritually and what I believe. We all have a unique story that is to be expressed in our immediate environment, thus making it holy and sacred.
When you infuse your home or a room with your divine essence, you are creating Heaven on Earth and raising the vibration of the world.
You don’t need to invest a lot of money since simplicity is key.
Declutter
From past experience, the best place to start is by removing all the clutter in your living space that is no longer wanted or needed. Sell it, donate it, or simply toss it, depending on the condition, value and sentiment. This is a fundamental principle in the ancient Chinese tradition of Feng Shui to live in greater harmony with your environment.
By cleansing and purifying the energy in your living environment, you wipe the metaphysical slate clean and allow new inspiration, people and ideas to manifest. Sometimes we become stuck in a recurring cycle or pattern of doing things, until we remove an element, or find another perspective.
Making Peace With Nature’s Plan
Nature’s plan is perfect, whether we understand it, or not. I have been distraught by this much of my life. I have also over-thought it at times, especially when I see animals suffering in nature, or the damage sometimes done to fauna and flora by raging wildfires, floods, and other natural forces.
I often ask myself what the lesson is in all of this for me? Why am I sometimes so profoundly upset by the way nature take its natural course? Apart from humanity’s awful neglect, exploitation and abuse of animals and natural resources, I have often also questioned nature itself, and how animals can be so cruel in their treatment of one another – and not always just for the sake of survival.
I have looked into the subject for some kind of resolution or understanding as to why nature is designed this way. The teachings of Emmanuel, as channeled by Pat Rhodegast, insist that nature’s plan is perfect and that each creature chose the role of predator or victim for the experience it would bring them in their own evolution process.
The Amazing Afterlife of Animals by Karen Anderson suggests that an animal will never depart this world before its their time to go, and that when it is their time to leave, they often prefer to be alone. They wander off and find a secluded place to end their lifespan naturally. They may even be chased away by other members of the herd, or other family pets. This is nature’s way.
This was the case in my home very recently. Ten days prior to my youngest cat, Prince, becoming really ill, my smallest female cat, who never liked Prince, was marking her territory and trying to keep him away from her food. She was hissing at him and tried to chase him out of the house.
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Solitude
In the age of digital ‘connection,’ we are becoming more socially disconnected than ever before in human history. In fact, loneliness has become a secret epidemic profoundly affecting many people all over the world. A 2022 study of the prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries found that “problematic levels of loneliness are experienced by a substantial proportion of the population in many countries.”
There is strong evidence that loneliness or social isolation is a serious health risk that increases premature death from all causes, similar to smoking, obesity, and lack of exercise. It is also specifically linked to higher rates of heart failure, dementia, depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Loneliness must however not be confused with solitude, which is in fact a powerful aspect of spiritual practice that has been practiced since the dawn of time.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated, regardless the amount of social contact. In other words, social isolation can cause a sense of loneliness in some of us, but we can also feel intensely lonely without being socially isolated. One can feel lonely even when there are many people present in our life.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the conscious choice to be alone, usually for the purpose of personal reflection, recharging one’s energy, spiritual contemplation, or simply enjoyment of your own company. It’s about purposely choosing to be present with yourself, rather than the lack of social connection.
Just A Few Moments Can Transform Your Life
If there is one thing that I have learned over the years of working with thousands of people all over the world, then it is the vital role of spiritual and personal self-care for our highest good. No amount of material wealth, financial success, physical beauty, romantic love, or spiritual knowledge can ever compensate for a lack of self-love and proper self-care.
However, for many of my clients it is not always practical to spend hours in meditation, arrange glorious spa days, or attend weekend spiritual retreats on a regular basis. However, there are lots of little things that can increase our spiritual awareness, balance our energy flow, reduce some stress, brighten our days, and generally give us a feeling of well-being.
We must do whatever we can to afford ourselves a quiet moment or two every day. Spirit often shows me the break-neck speed with which so many of my clients race through their lives, believing that there will be more time and opportunity later, once the current milepost or goal has been reached.
Many people obsess over ‘yesterday,’ or pin all their hopes on ‘someday.’ They are either regretting the past, or waiting for their fortune to take a turn for the better in the future. However, spirit advises that we spend more time focused in the present and maintain critical balance in our lives right now, not later.
We must do our level best to work small, uplifting things into our lives, a little at a time. There is no need to make monumental changes to get started. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes to practice mindful breathing to relax and de-stress, or listen to a short guided meditation every morning. Set aside time to laugh with a friend, do a oracle reading for yourself, dance in the living room, take a walk around the block, or listen to an inspirational podcast before your fall asleep.