loss
Asking ‘Why’ When A Loved One Is Lost
When you lose someone you love in a sudden, unexpected way, such as suicide, a car accident, murder, or domestic violence, it always seems so unfair and tragic. It is usually so difficult to understand why this had to happen?
The truth is that we will never truly know the ‘why’ of things. The biggest regret that I hear from so many bereaved people is that they never had a chance to say goodbye.
Someone passing due to old age or illness usually affords us the time to prepare for the loss and to say our goodbyes. Typically, you will haves some time with the person, to be kinder, to be compassionate and to let them know how much they are loved. A sudden passing robs us of all of this.
I am personally very aware of the emotions, feelings and experiences that come after a loved one’s life is lost so suddenly and unexpectedly. More than a decade ago, I lost my stepson to suicide. He was only 32 years old. Within 2 days of this tragedy, a another local young man also took his life. He was only 22.
The widespread trauma of the pandemic over this past year has brought back many of these feelings for me. Many people I know, all men, have taken their own lives because they have lost their jobs, businesses or life partners. Some of these men were successful business owners, but the lockdowns triggered something inside of them that led them to think suicide was a better way, or the only way out.
I talk to an abuse counselor at least two to three times a month and we discuss the unavailability of abused women to get help, because the shelters that are there to protect them are usually full to capacity. I personally know two women whose lives were tragically ended by an abusive partner or ex-partner who they just could not get away from. You read about these cases almost every day. It makes zero sense if you try to find the logic in it.
And accidents happen in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, it was two locals snowmobiling in our area, who hit each other head on. One passed instantly, the other suffered only minor injuries. The week before it was a tractor trailer hitting a car that pulled out in front of it. The truck driver is fine, but the car and passenger is no longer with us. Continue reading
Reach Out And Touch Someone’s Life Today
It has been nearly a full year since many countries started going into their first lockdowns due to the global pandemic. Some people have endured much suffering and loss, especially due to the passing of loved ones.
Some have also become ultra-stressed working on the front lines in healthcare facilities, nursing homes and many other essential services. Many have lost income, jobs and businesses. Many are facing mental health challenges. Many schools have been shuttered and teaching became virtual. Parents have been struggling to multi-task between working at home and entertaining or educating their kids.
Regardless of where we find ourselves on this stress continuum, it is important to try to find some order in all the chaos. Although it might be hard to reconcile with the state of the world as it is today, it is still vitally important to carve out a little time for self-care and putting yourself first.
Just a few brief minutes of deep breathing, visualization, meditation, reading uplifting books, journaling, or a perhaps the luxury of a quick walk outside to clear the cobwebs can all work wonders! Whatever is feasible on any given day, it is important that you create a little oasis of calm for yourself. Reduce the pressure of the day by showing yourself some love and respect first.
If you are in doubt as to where to start, you can begin by just focusing on some gratitude and appreciation. Despite all the loss and heartache many of us have suffered in recent months, there is always something for which we can be grateful. Whether it is something grandiose and eventful or small and precious only to our hearts, give thanks for whatever comes to mind.
Love can be a wonderful motivator. We often do things for the people we love, rather than doing those same things for ourselves. It can feel wonderful to see the reaction of our little ones, spouses, elders, colleagues, or neighbors when we say or do something special to surprise them or acknowledge them. That is all it takes to show some love, compassion, appreciation and friendship.
A Mediumship Experience Unlike Any Other
A few nights ago I could not sleep. When I go full speed into doing readings I hold nothing back, and very often long after I am done reading for the day, Spirit often has other plans.
So it was on this night in particular, as it had been for the past several days. I tried in vain to go to sleep and I was bone-tired, but it was not to be. I drank hot milk. I took a bath, followed by a nice cool shower to bring my body into balance. I went outside, to see if I could fall asleep under the starry night. Nothing worked. No matter how much I may have wanted to fall asleep, I was wide awake!
I pondered the computer, and whether or not to log on for readings at PsychicAccess.com. I decided against it, because I was concerned that as tired as I was I may not be at my best. So, I decided instead to browse a popular social networking site and see what was going on… if anything. Maybe an old friend might be online for me to chat with. Maybe I could just browse. Anything to divert my mind from the 100 mile an hour warped speed it seemed to be on!
I was not online for ten minutes, when I received a message from a woman I did not know. She wrote, “You had recently posted on a mutual friend’s page. I am so sorry, I would normally never do this, but I sensed that you have a message for me. Your name just leaped out at me from the page and I just had to contact you.”
I had no idea what she was talking about, and even less of an idea who she was. But then, all of a sudden, the floodgates opened and my hands starting typing, almost faster than I could keep up. Someone desperately wanted to communicate with this woman through me.
The more I typed, and the more I made statements that I had no idea what I was referring to, the more this woman became emotional. Our conversation lasted maybe 20 minutes, with me telling her various things and asking questions about things that I had no clue about, nor the people involved. I didn’t know what all this information was, or where it came from.
Keeping My Promise To A Departed Loved One
Sometimes we become so busy and preoccupied in our daily lives that we forget the commitments we made to loved ones, relatives and friends. But this does not only apply to the living. Some of us also forget the promises we make to those that are no longer with us.
Too often we hold the hand of a loved one on their deathbed and promise to look after those they will be leaving behind. They wish for us to look after those they will no longer be able to care for and love in this life. And we promise wholeheartedly to do whatever it is they ask of us in their final moments.
But once they have departed and life returns to normal, we soon forget these promises and serious conversations. Our memories become conveniently selective. We usually don’t mean for this to happen, but life does have a way getting in the way.
I had a shocking reminder recently of my own selective memory in this regard. Several years ago, I got into the habit of journaling about issues in my life that deeply matter to me. Recently, I was not able to sleep and was encouraged by spirit to go through my journal.
So, I sat up at about four o’clock in the morning and randomly opened my journal on the very page where I had written about a promise that I had made to a loved about another person, whom I had a strong dispute with in the past. Being only human, I had some seriously negative feelings towards that individual.
However, I had promised to check in and be supportive to this person, whom I did not like very much at all, on behalf of the person who was in their final hours. At the time, I remember saying that I would “do my best” and that “if I could, I would.”
The promise was much more than just checking in on the relative. It went as far as the very items I was meant to get at the grocery store, as well as things to say to this person when I delivered it. I had however conveniently forgotten about it since, until I discovered the entry in my journal.
Release Then, Embrace Now
I did the most interesting and heartfelt psychic reading the other day. Once it was over, I thought about my responses as a reader for this particular subject matter and how we live and, hopefully, learn. This was a case of lost love come back around again, after many decades of separation and years of wondering ‘what if?’ My client had loved and lost her soulmate when they were mere teenagers, many moons ago.
The parting had not been easy or a willing one for either of them, but our parents’ opinions when we are a certain age often tend to determine our decisions and choices. The two lovers parted ways and went on to lead their separate lives with other people, but in their hearts they never forgot each other. It took a long time, but their paths did cross again – this time with life at the helm, instead of their parents’ wishes and decrees.
Their original parting was so painful for the woman that, although she was so happy to see him again, she could not help but react from a perspective of fear and panic. She approached their reconciliation from the then place, which was one of loss, confusion and grief.
During a reading on this matter, it was immediately apparent that there still were many rivers to cross. The first words from me were: “There is so much love here waiting to happen!” Little else seemed to matter much at all. But the client was still stuck in the past.
Then a pearl of wisdom came from Spirit. “Right now is right now,” the Angels confirmed. “We would not have brought the two together were there not unfinished business and love here to attend to. Tell her to release the past and take the leap of faith. Once she releases it, she will be able to see the now. Then she can proceed from an open heart, not from the fear of loss. She won’t experience the same scenario again, or have it re-enact itself, because she will have released the past. It will literally be a new lease on life.”
Losing Touch With Our Departed Loved Ones
Some people have at least one long-standing friendship from their early childhood years. During your elementary years, the friendship grew to a soft and accepting duality that you easily embraced.
As the time progressed, the ‘best buddies’ syndrome only became stronger, as you melded into the somewhat trying years of early adolescence and puberty. It created an easy belief that this camaraderie would last for the entire duration of your earthly existence. You believed that you would be in each other’s lives forever!
These friendships lend itself to a sense of comfort that helps us deal with the trials and tribulations that young lives normally must endure.
The next thing you know, as you both matured and progressed further in life, your best friend found herself a wonderful life partner, they moved away from your area. But you both vowed to stay in touch and keep the friendship intact, just as it was when you were in your formative years.
At first all was well. You wrote, emailed, texted, phoned, sent the birthday and holiday gifts. You did whatever had to be done to keep those lines of communication open. If all went well, you both did your fair share.
In time, the calls became less frequent, the disconnect between you began to widen, as life took on a unique format for each of you. It is not that you feel less love and affection for each other, it is only that life has a way of moving forward into new and challenging directions. You will always be dear and cherished friends to each other, you will always care about the needs and concerns in each other’s lives, but life moves on.
This narrative is no different if your adored friend and confidant has since left this earthy existence and moved on the other side. We can have clear and constant communication from a loved one that has passed on. Their spirit still has great attachment to those they left behind.
Walk In Faith As You Move Forward
“For we live by faith, not by sight.” I have relied on the words of this verse from 2 Corinthians for most of my life with much success, no matter how tough times have been.
What does it mean to walk in faith, and not by sight? Well, it means to keep going and to keep your faith in God, Spirit, a Higher Power, even when you are not sure of where exactly you are headed.
This past year these words could not have been more relevant. It has been very difficult for all of us, especially for those who have lost loved ones. Sadly, in our day and age, when a loved one passes, we don’t always get the support we need in order to get through the loss and get the help we need to move forward.
Processing grief on your own is no easy task. First we have to accept that our loved one is not with us in the physical sense anymore, but their soul is always with us. They will tell us that they are still here, but they do not want us to have an unhappy life, they don’t want us to be alone.
In our soul contract one of us agrees to leave before the other, whether it is a parent, husband, wife, child, sibling, whomever it may be, and that the one left behind would be experiencing what it means to endure such a loss.
As we struggle to move forward, people might say, why aren’t you feeling better yet? Time to get over it. Life goes on. Why are you still so sad? Well, it just doesn’t work that way, and anyone who has experienced such a loss understands that it takes a lot of time for the heart to truly heal.
I lost my husband of 31 years a long time ago. You don’t ever get over it completely, but it does get easier with time. It’s a step-by-step process, and having people that support you means so much to help you get through.