Healing
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Solitude
In the age of digital ‘connection,’ we are becoming more socially disconnected than ever before in human history. In fact, loneliness has become a secret epidemic profoundly affecting many people all over the world. A 2022 study of the prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries found that “problematic levels of loneliness are experienced by a substantial proportion of the population in many countries.”
There is strong evidence that loneliness or social isolation is a serious health risk that increases premature death from all causes, similar to smoking, obesity, and lack of exercise. It is also specifically linked to higher rates of heart failure, dementia, depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Loneliness must however not be confused with solitude, which is in fact a powerful aspect of spiritual practice that has been practiced since the dawn of time.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated, regardless the amount of social contact. In other words, social isolation can cause a sense of loneliness in some of us, but we can also feel intensely lonely without being socially isolated. One can feel lonely even when there are many people present in our life.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the conscious choice to be alone, usually for the purpose of personal reflection, recharging one’s energy, spiritual contemplation, or simply enjoyment of your own company. It’s about purposely choosing to be present with yourself, rather than the lack of social connection.
The Simple Miracle Cure For Stress
While I was meditating the other day, the voice of an ancestor came to me. It was the spirit of a relative I had personally known when she was in this life. She said, “Why don’t you just rest a little bit honey? Everything is always easier and better after you take a day or two to just rest and recover.”
I cannot say I was surprised by this unusual visitation message. I had indeed been dealing with a lot of stress lately, and I tend to forget that what I really need to do sometimes is to simply stop. Just stop doing whatever it is I feel I have to do. I often do tend to take on more than I am actually required to, and then make matters worse by stressing about it. It’s a free will kind of deal.
My ancestor was right. A timeout would empower me to cope much better and see things in a different perspective. The truth is most of the recent stress in my life is caused by my thinking. It is mostly in my mind and not based in reality.
So, I decided to follow her advice and take a few days off. I turned off my negative thought process, stopped working for a few days, and found constructive ways to clear my mind and relax. I took out a library book to read for entertainment and enjoyment; played with my cats; cooked some delicious comfort food; meditated in the garden, slept late, and allowed myself to just simply enjoy some proper ‘me time.’
Well, it certainly worked like a charm! After just a few days, I felt invigorated, recharged, empowered, and in a much better state of mind. I now realize I had been depleted of energy and especially not getting enough sleep.
The Empowering Symbolism Of The World Card
The World card in the Tarot remains one of my firm favorites. I am all for personal and spiritual growth, the completion of cycles, and new beginnings. The World represents exactly that: the ending of a cycle and pause in life, before the next major cycle begins with the fool.
The journey from the new beginnings of The Fool to the fulfilling endings of The World is a constant evolutionary process in our everyday lives that is represented by the sequence of the 22 Major Arcana cards of the Tarot. The World is the 22nd trump and therefore final card of the Major Arcana.
I have reflected on the imagery of the Rider-Waite version of this Tarot card in great detail. Rider-Waite is probably the most popular and universally recognized Tarot deck. The illustrations by Pamela Colman Smith at first glance appear simple, but the details and backgrounds feature abundant mystical symbolism.
The World pictures an empowered figure within a wreath – traditionally a symbol of victory, success, achievement, and eternal life. The figure holds a wand in each hand, which is reminiscent of the Magician card and the Two of Wands. However, while The Magician holds only one wand, the two wands in the The World card represents fulfillment, wholeness, balance and coming full circle.
The card is framed by four animals on the diagonal. The depiction of these four creatures parallels the four animal symbols used in Christian art to represent the four Evangelists, namely Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The four animals also represent the zodiac signs of Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius, the four fixed signs in Western Astrology, which in turn represent the classical four elements of Earth, Fire, Water and Air.
The Universe Supports Effort, Not Entitlement!
I frequently do candle work in my spiritual practice. However, in my experience this kind of ritual only works if the practitioner is already in a raised vibration and in healthy alignment with the eternal laws of the Universe.
This is true even more so after the COVID-19 pandemic, due to the Great Conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn at the end of 2020 which ushered in a new wave of karmic responsibility.
Sadly, some practitioners I’ve encountered on my professional path do candle-lighting and other metaphysical rituals as if they’re an easy ‘magic wand’ that will absolve them of any and all personal accountability.
Not so! We cannot simply kneel down and light a prosperity or romance candle to quickly erase all our financial problems or relationship issues. What is required for such a metaphysical practice to be successful is realizing that God, Source, Spirit, the Divine loves and supports us infinitely in our efforts, not our passive entitlement.
Spirit is constantly striving to bring us to a better place of peace, joy, and abundance, but not without our proactive participation. This requires releasing a great deal of karmic debt, trauma, and self-important entitlement.
The humble spiritual warrior knows that beating one’s chest and recognizing your human frailty and imperfection is much more powerful, than being a pious and pompous ‘know-it-all’ who expects the best things in life to simply show up on their doorstep.
What are you choosing to do post-pandemic? Are you genuinely committed to a daily discipline of working on yourself? Or you will flurry like a confused flounder in the stale ocean waters of the withering Piscean age?
You Don’t Have To Be Perfect
Whenever we are focused on a task at hand, whether it is career, business or personal, we tend to focus on our mistakes and worry about what we may be doing wrong. Will it meet expectations? Are we good enough? The loud voice of perfectionism in our ego mind is often saying, “You did not do it right, you did not do enough…you are not enough.”
But constantly striving for perfection and beating ourselves up when we cannot meet those impossible expectations, sabotages the very thing we are trying to achieve. It impacts every part of our lives and also affects people around us, including our friends, coworkers, family and life partners.
Setting unrealistic standards for ourselves and others leaves us constantly feeling disappointed in ourselves and let down by others, over and over again. The perfectionism we are striving for becomes front and center in our in relationships, our careers, our health and our overall well-being. The result is anxiety, low self-esteem, fear of failure, depression, and broken relationships.
Failed perfectionism leads us to constantly measuring our worth against others, and vulnerable to the opinions, criticisms, and judgments of others. Perfectionists are very concerned about what others will think or say.
Striving for perfection is also about a need for control, so that our lives and those we care about will work out perfectly as we had planned. But contrary to popular belief, perfectionism does not lead to lasting success and fulfillment.
Cleansing Rituals Are A Vital Spiritual Practice
Energy cleansing should be a key component in our regular spiritual practice. To achieve and maintain a state of higher consciousness and enhanced spiritual awareness, we must constantly aim to purify and rebalance ourselves mind, body and soul.
Purification rituals are traditionally practiced in many world religions and various spiritual traditions embrace tangible cleansing rituals as a way of communing with and manifesting the Divine energy. Water-based rituals of purification are practiced, for example, in the Baháʼí faith, Christianity, Hinduism, Indigenous American religion, traditional African spirituality, Islam, Judaism, Mandaeism, Neopaganism, Shinto, Western esotericism, and Wicca.
It is no accident that animals also clean themselves regularly by grooming their fur or feathers. Nature instinctively understands that ‘cleanliness is next to godliness.’ Mother Nature also cleanses herself throughout the year with changes in the weather and the succession of the seasons.
I’ve never been much or a ritual or ceremony person myself, but I have come to embrace the need for a regular energy cleansing routine as I have grown in my own spiritual and psychic awareness.
For many years now, one of my go-to rituals is a simple spiritual cleansing bath with Epsom salt. I find it is a wonderful practice to realign my energy flow and restore inner peace and harmony. Nothing beats a proper ‘soul detox’ every few days.
Another practice I’ve adopted of late is chakra candle work. I often use these scented candles to jumpstart a client’s cleansing process, or cleanse and rebalance my own energy. The candle for each chakra is infused with its own combination of essential oils. The heart chakra candle is my personal favorite. It’s laced with sandalwood, jasmine, and rose essential oils and really packs a punch!