guilt
Never Allow Regret To Hold You Back
Recently, I attended a celebration of life gathering held in memory of a friend who died under tragic circumstances. He was an incredible energy healer, and also exquisitely crafted Native American flutes and drums. We had been friends for decades, but over the years we saw less and less of each other. The relationship between us was, however, a matter of ‘out of sight, out of mind.’
Our individual schedules were such that life eventually got in the way. There was however an unmistakable mutual respect and heart-centered connection between us facilitated by Spirit whenever we did meet. We would offer each other guidance, support, and fresh perspectives in those special moments.
My friend and his wife met about two decades ago at a spiritual event and eventually became an incredible spiritual team. Before they met, I remember his future wife asking me to swap readings with her.
“Sure, why not?” I said, although I was actually quite nervous and still new to doing readings on a ‘professional basis.’
When I read for her, the information that came through included various confirmations regarding her spiritual work, including her music, becoming an author, teaching, and her increased spirit connection. Last, but not least, there was also the indication of a potential romantic relationship, including a timeframe for approximately when this might unfold. Soon after, the two of them met. Over the years, it was great to see their relationship blossom and thrive. They truly became partners in life, love, and business.
Nagging Thoughts Are Life Lessons
Sometimes I do it too – we all do it. We sit there and rehash stuff in our minds…over and over. We beat ourselves up and say things like, “If only I would have done this”, or “If only I had not said that”.
This kind of thinking really is a waste of time. It can be very draining to sit and analyze things gone by and worry about the past.
Of course, it is certainly better to move with some discernment and caution, while we are going about our day, so we don’t make unnecessary mistakes or fall victim to this kind of regretful thinking later. But it is also important to know that no one is perfect.
Some go about their days not caring what they do or say, and neither do they ever feel the need to do this kind of obsessive thinking about the past. But the majority of us sometimes wonder if we could have done things differently, or feel the need to hold ourselves accountable for every thought, word, action and deed – and that is why we tend to go over things, time and time again.
When you find yourself engaging in this kind of thinking, just stop doing it. Thoughts that just replay events over and over again in your mind is such a waste of energy. Instead consider for a minute how the relevant events are actually a wonderful learning experience.
Those thoughts are there, bugging you, as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself what you will do or say differently next time, and then you can go about the rest of your day with inner peace and comfort, knowing you that you have gained valuable new knowledge from the experience, and now you can turn it into wisdom for the future. People who learn from themselves and their actions can truly smile, knowing that they can ‘cruise’ along this cosmic wave called life at a higher altitude and higher level of thinking.
Empower Your Life With Ho’oponopono
I was introduced to the Ho’oponopono prayer several years ago by a friend I met at a meditation group. She told me that it is an ancient Hawaiian custom that can be used to resolve karmic issues in life. So, of course, I tried it, but with mixed results.
It is a simple, yet powerful three-line prayer:
I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
I did not fully comprehend it at the time, but even in my lack of understanding, I still experienced some results. Then I reached a point in life where I was experiencing a lot of personal difficulties, and suddenly this simple prayer took on a whole new meaning for me.
It was at a time when I had lost three loved ones in short space of time, and I was going through an intense grieving process and associated life challenges. I figured trying out this prayer again certainly couldn’t hurt. So, for a few days, I made a conscious effort to repeat this mantra in my mind.
I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
Then I came across a certification program Ho’oponopono. It is a seminar over multiple days. I had the time and resources to enroll, so it felt like destiny. I then learned a lot more about Ho’oponopono and came to realize it is not nearly as simple as I had originally thought.
The term Ho’oponopono means ‘to make right what is already right.’ The prayer itself is only part of the practice. As a spiritual endeavor Ho’oponopono is about untangling the patterns and blockages that contribute to the challenges we experience in this life. The prayer itself is merely a conduit to experiencing Ho’oponopono, or ‘making right what is already right.’
The Ho’oponopono prayer is intended to move the practitioner into a state of consciousness that is love, free from things like fear, worry, resentment, blame, guilt, criticism, judgment, desire for vengeance, jealousy, and so on.
Birth Order And The Empath
Most of us are familiar with the notion that the personality traits of the firstborn are typically different from the middle sibling, or the youngest child in the family, and so on. But many empaths do not realize how they may be impacted by their birth order in the family.
In The Birth Order Book, author Kevin Lemar gives a detailed outline of these so-called ‘birth order’ characteristics and qualities.
Firstborns, as well as only children, for example, are often associated with leadership attributes and stronger personalities, along with being more protective, fearless, and reliable than their siblings. However, the firstborn may also exhibit some less desirable traits, such as being controlling, bossy and impatient.
The middle-born tend to be social butterflies and peacekeepers, who are focused on fairness and keeping everyone happy. The youngest-born tend to be fun-loving, outgoing, creative, free spirited and can be adept at manipulating others to do things for them.
Only children tend to be mature for their age, perfectionistic and conscientious, but may feel the burden of high parental expectations.
The Firstborn Empath
My experience with empaths has been that the firstborn and only child empaths are indeed more protective, fearless, independent, reliable, but in the empath these protective instincts are magnified tenfold.
They also tend to feel it is their responsibility to solve every human problem and protect everyone around them, regardless. I often see a very enhanced sense of responsibility.
The Wisdom Of Intuitive Eating
I remember reading an article many years ago about a research study conducted with children suffering from various nutritional deficiencies and food allergies. The scientists invited about 20 of these kids into a room with a table on which there was a variety of foods on display. They allowed each child to help themselves to any of the food they preferred. The outcome was astounding!
Each child chose a selection of food that their body naturally would tolerate the best. In other words, they instinctively chose foods that would not a bad for them or cause an allergic reaction. Furthermore, the children also chose more foods containing the nutrients their little bodies were lacking.
This confirmed for me the fact that our intuition or inner guidance system is not merely something we rely on when we are facing major life challenges, or when we are engaging in some form of spiritual practice. Intuition guides us every day in everything we do.
Intuitive eating is very much about honoring the temple which houses our soul. I believe we could potentially become nutritionally much healthier if we learn to trust our intuition more when we make dietary choices, instead of following fad diets and food trends.
Intuitive eating is about challenging modern society’s ‘food police,’ as well as the negative self-talk about eating and food choices many of us tend to engage in.
Intuitive eaters soon find that they eat just the right amount of various foods to nourish and satisfy their body, as they learn to truly recognize their body’s signals. Once you can do this, you are on your way to building a healthy relationship with food.
Be gentle with yourself. Avoid those magazines and influencer images on social media that prompts you to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Don’t give energy to such things. Instead, listen to your own body. You are uniquely you, and so is your body. When you express self-love within, you will also express it outwardly. Self-love ‘turns head’s like no designer outfit can!
Keeping My Promise To A Departed Loved One
Sometimes we become so busy and preoccupied in our daily lives that we forget the commitments we made to loved ones, relatives and friends. But this does not only apply to the living. Some of us also forget the promises we make to those that are no longer with us.
Too often we hold the hand of a loved one on their deathbed and promise to look after those they will be leaving behind. They wish for us to look after those they will no longer be able to care for and love in this life. And we promise wholeheartedly to do whatever it is they ask of us in their final moments.
But once they have departed and life returns to normal, we soon forget these promises and serious conversations. Our memories become conveniently selective. We usually don’t mean for this to happen, but life does have a way getting in the way.
I had a shocking reminder recently of my own selective memory in this regard. Several years ago, I got into the habit of journaling about issues in my life that deeply matter to me. Recently, I was not able to sleep and was encouraged by spirit to go through my journal.
So, I sat up at about four o’clock in the morning and randomly opened my journal on the very page where I had written about a promise that I had made to a loved about another person, whom I had a strong dispute with in the past. Being only human, I had some seriously negative feelings towards that individual.
However, I had promised to check in and be supportive to this person, whom I did not like very much at all, on behalf of the person who was in their final hours. At the time, I remember saying that I would “do my best” and that “if I could, I would.”
The promise was much more than just checking in on the relative. It went as far as the very items I was meant to get at the grocery store, as well as things to say to this person when I delivered it. I had however conveniently forgotten about it since, until I discovered the entry in my journal.
Work Through The Fear, Obligation And Guilt (FOG)
Reflecting on my life I have found how many of my early life experiences have subconsciously influenced me, mostly due to a lack of awareness that allowed fear, a sense of obligation and guilt to remain hidden.
These hidden influences mostly come from my formative years and became obstacles I had to repeatedly struggle with in my adult life with regards relationships, career, finances, family and community.
Once I discovered these non-empowering beliefs, it was time for me to get out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). In hindsight, several things I was unaware of in my family’s dynamics, were actually ‘seeds’ hidden beneath the surface that in time sprouted into personal challenges and self-sabotage.
Fear
Fear and insecurity are frequent visitors for many of us in all areas of life. I was constantly focused on the negative and worst-case scenarios. This is because our brain is wired this way for the purpose of survival. Much of it also depends on our upbringing. So, we must recognize this and catch ourselves early on, in order to shift our thoughts and emotions in a positive direction.
We must be cognitive of our behaviors and explore where in our life we have learned these negative, fear-based responses. Fear is a natural part of life, but can easily become a ‘whack-a-mole’ of frustration, anxiety, uncertainty and indecision, always showing up at the most inconvenient times.