guilt
Kindness Begins With Greater Self-Care
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. And kindness starts with being kind to yourself. When we are not kind to ourselves, we cannot be kind to others, and others will also be unkind to us! When we are not kind to ourselves we allow that type of behavior, be it from a spouse, sibling, friend, or relative.
So, kindness really starts with us. When we are kind to ourselves, the domino effect is that we are happier, healthier and more energized. When we are not carving out time for self-care, we are not being kind to ourselves, and cannot truly be kind to others.
Sometimes people can be unkind not even realizing it. How is that? Well, by playing the part of the victim, or acting like others are responsible for their happiness or contentment. They make others feel guilty, because they are putting their problems upon others, without realizing that it is often their own self-made issues.
Everyone has free will. We are ultimately where we choose to put ourselves. In the end no one else is to blame. Period.
A vital aspect of self-kindness is to employ healthy boundaries when others make us feel bad, because they are sad and unhappy. When we take better care of ourselves and come in alignment with our soul, body and mind, we can recognize this. You are not put upon this Earth to energetically fill up the cups of others. Learn to say no, and learn to stand up for yourself when others try to take advantage of you. This is one important way of being kind to yourself.
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.
The Presence Of Playfulness In Your Life
Consider the level of playfulness in your life. Do you allow yourself to have fun, and play? Are you so wrapped up in your past, other’s lives, work, or something else, that is blocking you from having fun, living more fully, and being playful in your life? Do you enjoy being entertained, or do you feel it’s a waste of time or frivolous?
Dig deep on this. The answers to these questions are what defines where your life is going at the moment. Yes, it is a challenge to dig deep. However, it is so essential in this day and age.
Have you become bitter, are you just walking through life, or do you still have that child-like energy to play, live out loud, entertain others, and be entertained yourself.
There are also deeper aspects to the presence of playfulness in our life. Has play disappeared because you are now in over your head and can see no way to move beyond where you are? Are you stuck or trapped in your life? Are you a person of great insight, wisdom and understanding, yet you are not filling your life with enough entertainment, fun and play?
What is your true opinion of yourself? Do you show one face to the world and another to yourself? Do you present who you truly are or become what you think the person in front of you wants you to be?
Healing Through Radical Self-Forgiveness
There’s no getting around the fact that we’re our own worst critics. There has been much written on the subject of forgiving others, but what about forgiving ourselves? This is the first and most crucial step to real, lasting, healthy self-love.
The roots of the pain many of us feel are guilt and shame – the knowledge that we have wronged or hurt someone else, and the lasting fallout resulting in self-harm. Guilt is sometimes a catalyst to change behavior, but shame often comes with long-term effects, such as negative thinking patterns, self-harming behavior such as addiction, depression or anxiety, and self-sabotage.
Over long periods shame is like a poison in our bloodstream which touches every aspect of our lives. But it doesn’t have to last! There is a healthy way to overcome the legacies of shame and guilt, and it all starts with compassion.
Coping With The Pain Of Loss And Grief
Going through grief is a very natural response to loss. The more significant the loss, the more intense our grief will be. Grieving can result from the passing of a loved one, losing a job, divorce, loss of health.
Coping with loss can be overwhelming. We usually go through all kinds of difficult and very unexpected emotions – from shock to anger to disbelief. Sometimes we also feel guilty that maybe there could have been more one should have done. And then there is the sadness, which is hard to even put into words.
The pain of grief and bereavement can, and often does, also disrupt our physical health, making it very difficult to sleep, eat and function normally. It is very hard to think straight at such a time, but these are normal reactions to significant loss.
Our Time Of Passing
A very good friend passed away recently. She left behind five children, and each of them was questioning why they didn’t do more to help their mom prolong her life, despite the fact that this very loving soul was in pain most of the time and had an extremely lonely existence.
She no longer had what one might call a ‘good quality of life.’ But they have taken it upon themselves to hold one another responsible to keep her on this plane, when it was becoming increasingly clear she was so very prepared to leave.
We discussed the situation at length and some of the siblings were finally convinced their mother’s time of passing had very little to do with them. If they had no bearing as to when she entered the planet, why on earth would they have a say as to when she could leave? Continue reading
The ‘Can Do’ People
Some of us are ‘can do’ people, while others are always saying, “No can do.” Who would you rather be? This has given me food for thought. What do I really tell myself about my own abilities? Can I really do what I want to do, or am I going to do whatever it may be?
Some people tell themselves that they are not smart enough to do what they want to do for their life’s work. Their mind is already made up. No can do. They go through life accepting and settling for their second, or even third choice.
Others have the attitude, when told they can’t possibly do something, they will show the world they can accomplish anything they choose to do. They believe they can achieve anything they put their mind too. Continue reading