inner guidance
Love, Joy And Happiness After Years Of Hardship
I have a client who used to be extremely depressed. I recommend she speak to a therapist or counselor instead, because I felt that is exactly what she needed at the time. She had been harboring a lot of bitterness, grief, sadness, anger and other toxic negative emotions for a very long time. She needed professional help that I felt was beyond my scope of expertise.
So, she found a therapist and went for counseling, but months later she told me that the only thing she felt she accomplished was her spending thousands of dollars on help she never really received. She had still found no relief from her deep distress.
She had been bitter for a long time. While raising her children and attending church, her husband would cheat on her. She also worked the entire time the children were young, until they graduated. Meanwhile, he would leave on ‘business trips’ to go and gamble away their hard-earned livelihood, and spend time with other women. Then one day, he met someone he wanted to marry. So, they divorced and he moved far away to be with his new wife. He was a narcissist.
Her sadness and grief was also due to the loss of her mother, whom she had taken care of for 20 years after her father passed. She sacrificed a lot to dedicate herself to serving her mother’s needs. During this time she had no notion of self-care. She suffered on all levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually. She even gave up going to church. She was slowly dying inside and didn’t even know who she was anymore.
Do It Anyway
No matter what we go through in life and with who, we always come back to the same place… a familiar place of being alone. The thought occurred to me the other day that we come into this world alone, and we go out alone.
Though we may be surrounded by others, at the end of the day, we are still alone when we go to sleep at night. Even if we are married, or in a relationship with someone who sleeps next to us, we still enter into the sleep state or dream state, alone.
Have you ever noticed that people who are comfortable being alone, have somehow mastered being alone without being lonely? There is a true comfort, freedom, and delight in being by oneself, alone. When we are alone, we can take an honest inventory of our life, who we choose to spend time with, and also decide how we wish to spend our time.
The relationship arena seems to be one of the most challenging areas of life. We all fall into traps and pitfalls that can steer us away from our natural state of happiness , which we come home to when we are alone. However, relationships also seem to provide a fast track for our own personal growth by revealing how we interact with other people.
Our relationships point out areas within ourselves that may require growth or increased self-love. Simply put, relationships show us exactly where we need to focus on to come back to a state of wholeness.
The Power Of Creativity To Transform And Heal
Creative play is a crack, or a doorway into another part of ourselves… into our intuitive and spiritual nature. To explore our creativity is to open that door of possibility.
It is easy to doubt our creativity when we compare ourselves to others, and to great artists of the past. Through their life stories and work, the master artists left reminders, showing us that creativity is not something we are taught, but rather something we are. Tapping into this is about experiencing this for ourselves, in whatever form that may be.
I took up painting as a hobby in my late 20s. It began as a desire to learn to paint, although I held the belief that I wasn’t really creative, given my Finance and Accounting background. I had never considered Art to be healing, or that it held personal healing benefits.
At the beginning of my journey, I immersed myself in art books and read about other artists. I also joined a local art group. In class one day, I felt inspired to paint the Buddha. From the moment I picked up my brush to paint him, I could feel a presence by my side and I could see in the blank canvas the face that was to appear, long before it was visible to anyone else. That painting is the piece that changed the direction of my life path, as I embraced my creative and spiritual gifts.
Turning up to a blank canvas, is like saying yes to life and the unknown of what lays on our path. And there are many benefits of saying ‘yes’ to painting. Painting allows us to express ourselves through our work, it allows us a time and space to reflect on our life and the meaning we attached to our experiences.
How To Live A More Spiritually Aware Life
To lead a more spiritual, and therefore a happier and more fulfilled life, you do not need to develop a passion for incense, or hire a guru to assist you in going through some form of spiritual awakening. Instead, you may be comfortable with more down to earth approach.
Firstly, it is important to recognize that religion and spirituality are not necessarily the same things. Religion is just one form of spiritual practice. Spirituality itself is something that comes from within the individual.
Spiritual awareness is a sustained belief that there is much more to life than meets the eye, something greater than yourself, even though you have no evidence for it. Hold onto this belief or feeling, as it is very, very real!
One of the best ways to get in touch with your spirituality is to spend time in nature. It does not matter whether you live, in a town, city, or rural area, connecting with nature is imperative, as it will help to bring a sense of peace to your overworked mind, and it will uplift your spirit with its rejuvenating power. By doing so, it will assist with your spiritual development.
To become more spiritually aware it is also important to learn to control your inner dialogue. Becoming a more spiritual person involves monitoring your inner voice and making sure that your self-talk is healthy. Meditation can be particularly helpful in this respect, as well as recognizing any negative thought patterns or false beliefs that you may have.
Choosing A Spiritual Path With Heart
There are many blind choices we make when we are too young or inexperienced to make the best decisions for ourselves. We are born into a family, or raised in a culture, for example, with its unique traditions and beliefs, or lack thereof, and we are usually quite susceptible in our youth to these influences.
In the process of becoming an adult, the questioning of such beliefs and traditions leads us towards who we will become, to discovering what truly resonates with us, and what does not. But this is something we may have taken lightly in our youth, and therefore needs to be looked over several times in our life to find out with real sincerity what is truly calling us.
It is possible that being born in a traditional Christian home, for example, we felt constrained and limited, even small and powerless, ultimately causing us to reject all dogmatic religion. For someone else, brought up maybe in an atheist home, the search for God or faith may bring a profound sense of empowerment and life purpose that nurtures their life. It all depends on us as individuals, and how we process our own reality.
Carlos Castaneda writes in The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge, “Before you embark on any path ask the question: does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him.”
Learning To Love Yourself
Sadly, my inner-critic began speaking to me at a relatively young age and continued to do so well into my 20s and beyond. Personally, I feel this played a large part in me losing my job at the age of 24, during the 1980s recession. It was a time in which work was so hard to find, and when I finally did, even more negative self-talk began to have an effect on my life.
With no job and no money, I felt worthless, stupid, disliked, and that I had no potential whatsoever. Most fortunately, however, I proved myself to be wrong and later found, from experience, that the way to a happier, more confident and fulfilled life was by learning to slay that inner critic and start loving myself. Furthermore, you can too! Here’s how.
Firstly, remember that you do have a choice. Which one will you listen to: your inner critic or your inner guide? I remember the time when I told my family I was going to start working in the spiritual field. Yes, they laughed and said to me that it would never work out for me, and I that I could not do it.
Sadly, this boosted my inner critic once again, but at this particular time in my life, circumstances and the need for a more fulfilling job made me look at things from a different perspective.
Self-Care Is Not Selfish
Empaths are givers first and foremost. Loyal, sometimes to a fault, and fiercely protective of those they care about… moving at lightning speed whenever called upon.
So, when I say to an empath that it may be time to put themselves first, the response is often mixed. But, if putting yourself first seems too selfish or too difficult, try something simpler: at least put yourself on an equal footing with those you love and care for.
For many sensitive and highly intuitive people, self-care must be an acquired behavior… and it’s a big one. Empaths intend to be selfless, to help, heal and facilitate those they care about. Wonderful! But remember, if this is your goal, then begin with yourself. The stronger, healthier and happier you are then the more effective, nurturing and supportive you can be to those around you.
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you are doing only what you want to do all the time, and it doesn’t mean that you are suddenly going to ignore those you care about. What it does mean is making it a priority to take care of your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. This can be a tall order and quite the task for some empaths. Don’t wait until you are in a meltdown… frustrated and snapping at everything and everyone around you, with little or no provocation.