illness
A Guardian Angel Named Christopher
My entire world collapsed Christmas of 1990. It was Christmas Eve to be exact. I had prepared a four-course dinner for my fiancé and I was so excited to spend my first Christmas with him alone, ready to talk about our wedding plans.
He arrived at 4pm and fifteen minutes later he had broken up with me. He simply informed me that he had met “the woman of his dreams.” Then he took back the keys to his apartment and wished me well.
I was beyond devastated. Broken. My heart ripped into a million shreds.
I did not know what to do, so I called the one person I thought would understand and support me: my best friend. She had recently relocated here with her husband, who was in the US Army. Her husband was waiting at the time to be deployed to the war in Iraq.
She answered the phone right away and immediately insisted I book a flight to her nearest city, where she would come to pick me up. So, I took the last money I had and booked a flight for the next day.
After two exhausting days of travel and a long layover on a connecting flight, I was sitting in the airport with red, swollen eyes in a freezing blizzard, that further delayed my final flight. There was no way to call my friend. It was the time before mobile phones. So, there I was, heartbroken, alone in one of the biggest airports of the world, stranded and not knowing a soul.
While the blizzard was raging through the airport, I witnessed more than one emergency landing through the thick clouds of needles like snowflakes. It was chaos. Thousands of stranded passengers and more arriving by the minute.
Everyone Is An Artist
Art is a powerful form of self-expression. It allows us to communicate complex emotions and spiritual concepts through various mediums such as the visual and fine arts, music, dance, acting, creative writing, and so on.
When we are being creative we connect with the subconscious part of ourselves. This can be a powerfully healing experience to help us process and integrate our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and life experiences on a deep level.
When we are children, we don’t have any preconceived ideas about art. If you observe young children, you’ll see this very clearly. They don’t worry about how ‘good’ an artist they are. Most kids just see art as a form of play. They love to draw, or paint, or color, and are typically pretty thrilled with their creations.
So, what happens along the way that we become so self-conscious about our artistic endeavors? It seems to me that at some point most people have had ‘the artist’ within subtly discouraged or silenced. Whatever the case may be,suffice it to say that life takes over at some point and being creative artistically takes a back seat.
“I was never very good at it anyway,” or “I just did it for fun,” are common remarks I’ve heard from people. But what’s wrong with not being very good at something? Especially if it’s fun? Moreover, the benefits of spending time being creative are vast! Art Therapy is growing in popularity and more studies are being done around this modality.
One particular study focused on people with chronic illness or cancer. The researchers looked at the impact visual art activities such as painting, drawing, and pottery had on patients and found that art helped to distract them from thoughts of illness.
Art therapy improved their well-being by decreasing negative emotions and improving positive ones. Depression levels were also reduced, and medical outcomes improved overall. There were also reductions in stress, anxiety, and distress. Further there were improvements in the patients’s spontaneity, expression of their grief, positive identity and social interactions.
Miracles Happen Every Day
A miracle is described in the dictionary as “an event attributed to divine intervention”, and also referred to as “a phenomenon that defies the laws of nature”. The online Encyclopedia Britannica defines a miracle as “an extraordinary and astonishing happening that is attributed to the presence and action of an ultimate or divine power”. In certain translations of the Bible the terms “wonder,” “mighty work” and “sign” are also used to describe miracles.
Most people would say that a miracle has occurred when the medical profession says there is no hope for a particular patient, and then, miraculously, the patient recovers fully, and without the complications which would have been expected connected to their condition.
But miracles are not necessarily always larger than life or dramatic. Miracles can happen for anyone at any time. And don’t expect an earthly explanation, or even to be taken seriously by everyone when the miracle has happened to you.
People have often told me of little miracles that have happened to them. For example, they don’t know how their bills will be paid, and out of the blue they receive a check in the post, or money is given to them, or they would win the exact amount needed to lift them out of their financial dilemma. Although I can’t prove it scientifically, I also know for sure that miracles have happened to me.
Two separate miracles I recall very vividly are both connected to my pets. A dog, and a cat named Miracle!
When my 5 year old Rottweiler, Sophia, was rushed to the vet with what we thought was an upset stomach, a burst duodenal ulcer and peritonitis were diagnosed instead. The vets had little hope, because even for strong humans this ailment can be life threatening.
Following the diagnosis, the vet phoned me and said they had to operate immediately. I asked if I could phone my husband and get back to them. I was informed with a sense of urgency that there was no time to do that, and even if they did operate on Sophia immediately there was very little hope.
Asking ‘Why’ When A Loved One Is Lost
When you lose someone you love in a sudden, unexpected way, such as suicide, a car accident, murder, or domestic violence, it always seems so unfair and tragic. It is usually so difficult to understand why this had to happen?
The truth is that we will never truly know the ‘why’ of things. The biggest regret that I hear from so many bereaved people is that they never had a chance to say goodbye.
Someone passing due to old age or illness usually affords us the time to prepare for the loss and to say our goodbyes. Typically, you will haves some time with the person, to be kinder, to be compassionate and to let them know how much they are loved. A sudden passing robs us of all of this.
I am personally very aware of the emotions, feelings and experiences that come after a loved one’s life is lost so suddenly and unexpectedly. More than a decade ago, I lost my stepson to suicide. He was only 32 years old. Within 2 days of this tragedy, a another local young man also took his life. He was only 22.
The widespread trauma of the pandemic over this past year has brought back many of these feelings for me. Many people I know, all men, have taken their own lives because they have lost their jobs, businesses or life partners. Some of these men were successful business owners, but the lockdowns triggered something inside of them that led them to think suicide was a better way, or the only way out.
I talk to an abuse counselor at least two to three times a month and we discuss the unavailability of abused women to get help, because the shelters that are there to protect them are usually full to capacity. I personally know two women whose lives were tragically ended by an abusive partner or ex-partner who they just could not get away from. You read about these cases almost every day. It makes zero sense if you try to find the logic in it.
And accidents happen in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, it was two locals snowmobiling in our area, who hit each other head on. One passed instantly, the other suffered only minor injuries. The week before it was a tractor trailer hitting a car that pulled out in front of it. The truck driver is fine, but the car and passenger is no longer with us. Continue reading
Helping Others Is A Great Way To Help Yourself
Ten years ago was a very difficult time in my life. I had a lot of time to reflect and put my own needs in perspective. My experience with that stress gave me coping skills that I want to share with you in today’s difficult times.
We all have choices in life when we believe that we have hit ‘rock bottom.’ We can choose to stay at that bottom and focus on that negative energy, or we can look for the positive side and see that there is nowhere else to go, except back up to the top.
A decade ago my mother was fighting cancer. She was strong and healthy and had always focused on a healthful and active lifestyle. Why did this happen to someone who does all the right things in life, when there are so many people that do not take care of themselves and then live a longer life?
In those days, I could choose to focus on such negative thoughts about how unfair life was, or I could choose to find the positive in that situation. Spending time with my mother, taking her to doctor’s appointments, cooking her favorite meals and offering my listening ear instead created a positive spirit for both of us.
I tried to spend as much time with her as possible, giving her time to live, love and laugh. We focused on one day at a time, but also made plans for tomorrow. Keeping busy and reminiscing over the positive memories we shared, truly helped me through that very stressful time with my mother.
On top of dealing with my mother, I also had a nine year old Doberman dog that was very close to me. He had just been diagnosed with liver disease and his prognosis was not good. The added stress of my dog’s health made matters even more challenging. I still think sometimes that if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all! But I make an effort to snap out of this kind of thought process as quickly as possible. It serves no purpose in the long run.
My Near-Death Experience
About 12 years ago, right before Christmas, I had a lot going on in my life. I was taking care of my two kids and my brother. My cousin had a three-month-old baby, whose mother was in the hospital with complications due to diabetes. He brought me his new baby and asked if they could stay with us, and if I could care for his son while he worked. He was working the night shift, from around 7pm till 4am. Of course, I said I would help in any way I could.
Between my kids’ and my brother’s schedules, and now this new baby who was colicy, I was exhausted at the end of the second week. Somehow, I also got food poisoning. Never having had food poisoning before, I didn’t know the symptoms and thought I had a touch of stomach flu. Being so tired, I hadn’t realized how sick I actually was. After about 18 hours of fluid loss, I become so dehydrated that I had a seizure. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I fell down. Apparently, I was clinically dead for around 1½ minutes.
I did not experience all of the typical near-death phenomena. There was not any floating over my body; there was no white light, no tunnel. I was simply here and then I was there. The first thing I remember is walking along a sort of grassy path. I don’t remember turning around to look behind me, but, I just knew that there was a darkness from which I came, back there.
There were two people there to greet me. A woman and a man, the woman spoke to me first, and the man was a little ways behind her. Today, I could not tell you who these people were. But, when I was there, I was so glad to see them. It was like when I had sent my kids to summer camp, and they were gone for all those summer months, and I missed them terribly. It was the same feeling I got when seeing my children for the first time returning home. I had a deep love and bond with these two people.
The next thing I remember is that I was taken to the top of a mountain. There was no journey to get there, I was just there. The only way to describe the mountain is that it was like standing on top of Pikes Peak and looking out. I was so high up that the only thing I could see was blue sky.
The Spirits Of The Mountains Are My Soulmates
There are times in our lives when we know that our inspirations are coming from something beyond the personality. These visions come from a land beyond the physical, even beyond words. They are concepts we have no words for, we have only our inner knowing. The personality moves over and we find ourselves relying upon something beyond the five senses, or sheer logic.
Perhaps that sixth sense is the emerging force, which is the next step in the evolution of the human race. A developing being knows it is no longer appropriate to depend only upon the physical world. This being will develop the skills it needs to see and feel and work within the unseen territory of the soul.
Once we acknowledge the soul’s existence and approach it with respect and sacredness, the personality becomes aligned with the soul. With this alignment comes respect for all life, and many difficulties usually experienced with the unconscious personality can be avoided.
When our soul becomes mindful and directly involved with the physical world, we greet each day with the deepest part of ourselves, and all activities become gratifying and purposeful. It is the gratitude that we give each day that gets us off the karmic wheel of debt, because we now see the sacredness of all life. W
I have much to be grateful for. The desert’s barrenness, along with the mountains’ majesty, stripped me of my ego long enough to allow the healing forces of the sagebrush to greet my soul. Sage has healed my physical body during illness, my emotional and mental bodies during depressions and confusion, and it has healed my soul of desolation.