Grief Is A Sacred Gift Of Soul Experience

Long ago, I yearned for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life. And the door opened. It led me within.

Now, I long for a deep wound to be healed, and again I feel the door opening. I am prepared for the changes that come each time the door opens, and welcome them with profound gratitude.

I’ve come to understand that these “doors” don’t always show up looking bright and shiny and obviously spiritual. Sometimes they arrive disguised as heartbreak, loss, and the kind of grief that knocks the breath right out of your body. It doesn’t feel like a doorway then. It feels like a wall. A dead end. A great, echoing “Why?”

Last year had been a particularly difficult time for me. So much grief! Layers of it. Old grief that I thought I had already handled. New grief that came out of nowhere. Grief that didn’t even seem to have a clear name or story attached to it. I just had waves of sadness and loneliness that would rise up and spill over when I least expected it.

All part of the process, of course. But when you’re actually in it, that is not always comforting. I remember wondering, sometimes out loud:

When will I get back into the universal flow again?
When will the spiritual things I need for my Journey manifest?
When will this heaviness lift?

I wasn’t asking in a demanding way, more like a child pressing her face against the window, looking out at life, feeling like everyone else was moving forward while I was sitting in slow motion. My faith never left, but it got very, very quiet.

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