Self-Help
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.
The Life Lesson Of ‘Making Plans’
‘Making plans’ has been a life lesson for me. Whenever I make serious plans, they always tend to fall through. Something usually comes up, or it just doesn’t work out.
It has been at times almost comical. I even started telling people, whenever they invite me to attend an event, or go somewhere with them, or sign up for something important, that I plan on possibly doing this with them, but I am not going to say it is definite….because then it probably won’t work out.
In time I came to realize that the Universe was teaching me, over and over again, to not make any major plans. The lesson for me has been simply to never say yes to anything with absolute certainty. Why? Because nothing is ever guaranteed. Things change, things happen… and not only to us, but also to others. It is often a domino effect that can impact our plans in many ways. Today, tomorrow, nothing is ever guaranteed.
In the process I have also learned to curb my emotions. You may find this odd or strange, but it has been my truth for more than four decades. In my experience, whenever I get super excited about something, it either gets taken away from me, or something happens to changes it for the worse.
Spiritual Healing
Healing from a serious or chronic illness may happen under different circumstances, and it some cases it can appear fully spontaneous. Behind every healing option there is a complex process which we never fully understand.
Our mindset is however an important player in how things unfold. But it is more than just having a positive attitude—it has many facets. And since the term ‘mind’ is a more modern concept, I prefer to refer to ‘spirit,’ which encompasses the mind in all its complex depth, along with emotions and sensations.
Spiritual healing can be defined in many ways, through many traditions. It seems to me useful to talk about the effect on the person, and understand it from that point of view. An experience of any kind may be a spiritual healing process, whenever a breakthrough takes place, or a release of inner pain occurs to make room for acceptance.
This might not be a painless process, otherwise it would happen much more easily, but it is a necessary step, because it allows us to abandon a repeating loop focused on pain. As an example, I can think of someone in a dysfunctional marriage, into which much work has been invested, including some counseling or therapy, but the only thing still keeping it together is the desire to ‘not fail.’
Active Listening – A Message From My Guides
Your ears are working all day long. They hear thousands and thousands of sounds. Most sounds are routine, so many are dismissed as the normal cacophony of a busy life.
Without particularly focusing, you can easily differentiate between outdoor construction work, the squeal of tires on pavement, and the subtle dripping of a faucet indoors. You can also be awakened by an unusual sound while you are sound asleep.
With all this hearing going on 24/7, how often do you really make time to truly listen? Not just to miscellaneous, irrelevant sounds, or humdrum activity, but to the voices of loved ones and your own inner voice?
The key here is time. Everyone is so busy these days, that we are often thinking of something in the past, or planning hours, days or weeks in advance. Meanwhile, golden opportunities to learn more about each other can easily slip by.
People often hide their fears behind words of bravado or arrogance. When strangled by ego, they can overcompensate by sounding obnoxious or condescending. When they are feeling small or insignificant, people can try too hard to impress. Each of these attitudes can be annoying to the listener.
Ignoring The Signs In Matters Of The Heart
Many years ago, while consoling my best friend after a major breakup, it came to me that she was doing everything possible to continue holding on to what Spirit was removing from her life.
Sitting next to her, as she held on to her laptop hoping to find her lover’s name amidst emails, was like witnessing a tragedy. It was a heartbreak that most of us will experience at some point in our lives, either directly or indirectly.
After a year-long courtship, the ‘man of her dreams’ suddenly began to distance himself without any explanation. The calls became less, the frequent text messages disappeared, and there were no longer any plans on the calendar for their usual weekend outings.
I offered my friend a shoulder to cry on, and searched my mind for the appropriate, most comforting words to speak, but I could feel her gradually pulling away. All that mattered to her at that moment was establishing a deeper connection with her missing-in-action lover.
My friend resisted my recommendation to slow down, to find her center, and most of all… to let go. Instead, she suddenly bolted from her chair, threw on her coat and scarf, and fled the scene.
Several hours later, I received a frantic call from her. While parked outside of her boyfriend’s apartment, she saw him leave with his arm around another woman. Apparently, it was very clear from their mutual displays of affection, that he was in love with someone else.
Months went by, with my friend still holding on to the false hope that her love would someday return. Meanwhile, several very nice men attempted to get her attention, but she turned down each and every one. She even received a lucrative job offer, that came with a coveted geographical relocation, but she refused it. She turned her back on this amazing opportunity for fear of moving too far away from her ex.
Embracing Scorpio Season
Starting today, October 23rd until November 22nd, the Sun will be transiting Scorpio, which is the best time to increase your spiritual awareness and heightening your psychic abilities. The ‘veil’ between the living and the departed becomes ‘thinner’ during this time, and important messages are transmitted at this time through dreams, magic and meditation.
People and situations who are a hindrance to your personal growth and spiritual expansion, are often revealed and removed during Scorpio season, but only if one is willing to go beyond the surface and see something for what it really is.
The scorpion can creep up on its enemy and silence it with one quick hit from its poisonous tail. Scorpios are often a few steps ahead of everyone else, and are some of those most brilliant artists, performer, healers, and teachers, as well as very loyal friends… as long as you stay on their good side!
They are often feared, or envied by others, especially because they always insist on the truth, and easily recognize deception, insincerity and a lack of authenticity in others.
The mythical phoenix is also associated with this zodiac sign, because it signifies the death and rebirth of the self, in order to to transform the soul and become the best version of who you really are.
Regardless of your sun sign, the current transit through Scorpio is inviting you to release the old, so you can achieve increased self-love, and gain the understanding of what needs to be done in order to move forward. It can be emotional and painful, but worth the sacrifice in the long run.
The Shaman’s Recipe For Energy Cleansing
A shaman in Colorado once taught me a wonderful recipe for energy cleansing or ‘space clearing’ in your home. I have been using it for years and find it a really good alternative to traditional smudging with sage or other herbs.
It requires a few more ingredients than smudging, but it is certainly worth it!
Ingredients
- 2 lemons
- Kosher salt
- Paper cups (1 for each room)
- Water (tap is fine)
- Wind chimes, or singing bowl
- Picture of a deity or angel, or something that symbolizes love and light to you
- Camphor essential oil in a spray bottle
- Jasmine incense, and incense holder
- Lighter
- Sturdy trash bag
Method
Slice the lemons into wedges, and place one wedge into each paper cup filled halfway with water. Place some Kosher salt into each cup and place one cup on the floor of each room, or in a larger space place a cup every 10 feet or so apart on the floor.