News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

narcissism

Is Your ‘Soulmate’ A Narcissistic Predator?

Click Here for a FREE psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comHe must be your soulmate, or twin flame, because he knows you so well. He has taught you so many things about yourself. Surely, this means he is ‘the one.’ I don’t think so. You might want to say something like this regarding your therapist, teacher or healer, but even then I would still be careful.

If you are constantly looking for someone to ‘get’ you, or yearning to be understood on a ‘deeper level,’ you might as well have a target on your back that says: prey. If you are so wounded and empty that you need to be constantly affirmed by another, then you need some serious healing, prolonged growth work on your Self, your inner child and your relationship with your Higher Self and Source.

Even when working with a spiritual teacher or healer, if they are doing most of the work for you, telling you all about your Self, then they are merely telling you a narrative, a story. Stories don’t solve problems, or heal. Information or data does not heal. It can point you in the right direction, but ultimately information does not heal, action does.

So if your healer, teacher, therapist or counselor is telling you all about your Self and that is all they are doing, you might want to reconsider. Reevaluate how much help you are actually getting. It is only a mental boost to receive this kind of information. In other words, your brain feels temporarily happy with the excitement of words. But it is ‘drug’ that will wear off quickly. Soon, you will then trotting off in search of another high.

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Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough

Click Here for a FREE psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comSometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”

Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.

Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.

If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate.  The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.

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Take Back Your Power!

CLICK HERE for a FREE psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comEveryone has a story to tell about their love life. And some of have extremely abusive stories to tell. One common element that I have come across frequently in my work, is the fact that some people are treated with disrespect and emotional abuse, and yet they are still patiently waiting for the abuser to return to them!

When you ask them why, it is usually because they “still love” that person. Well, that is not love. It is simply an imagined need that has been created by the abuser, or by one’s lack of self-worth. It is a psychological illusion, not real.

If you are still waiting for someone to come back into your life, after they left you for someone else, you are making yourself the second choice. You are degrading your own true value and taking away from your self-worth.

During a workshop I presented on this subject, I asked the participants to write down why they felt they needed that other person in their life. In essence, all their responses ended up being about lack of self-esteem, self-respect and self-security.

The next step was to ask them how they would you feel if they saw someone treating their daughter, or son, in the same way they have been allowing the abusive partner to treat them? They all said they wouldn’t tolerate it. They would intervene and get that person out of their lives, or at least try. One of the delegates even went as far as to say, “I would lock her in the house and never let her out again.” Which might be a great idea under the circumstances, but obviously not realistic!

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Thank You For Leaving Me

Click Here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comHeartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”

Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.

I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.

Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.

I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.

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Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner

click here for a free psychic reading right now at PsychicAccess.comWe all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?

Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.

Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.

So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.

Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.

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Loser-Victims And Their Helpers

click here for free introductory reading at PsychicAccess.comIf you grow up receiving a lot of ‘negative attention’ you are taught that love feels and sounds like being told (or shown) that you are always wrong, slow, stupid, annoying, useless, not worth the time and energy, not lovable, and never, ever, good enough. This means that as a child, you would only receive attention when you were told that you were doing things wrong, or that you were a ‘loser.’ This early patterning gets imprinted in the still developing neural pathways of a child.

If you grew up receiving a lot of negative attention, as an adult your way of ‘winning’ in life, and your way of feeling accepted and loved, is to seek negative attention… and turn yourself into a loser and victim.

Someone who has been raised in this manner, tend to insert themselves into the lives of people they think matter to them. They target people who seem important to them and whose opinions matter. They will then consistently create situations where they can be the loser. They will always be the one that is ‘slow,’ the one that ‘can’t be helped,’ or the one with poor social skills.

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Love, Joy And Happiness After Years Of Hardship

click here for a free psychic reading right now at PsychicAccess.comI have a client who used to be extremely depressed. I recommend she speak to a therapist or counselor instead, because I felt that is exactly what she needed at the time. She had been harboring a lot of bitterness, grief, sadness, anger and other toxic negative emotions for a very long time. She needed professional help that I felt was beyond my scope of expertise.

So, she found a therapist and went for counseling, but months later she told me that the only thing she felt she accomplished was her spending thousands of dollars on help she never really received. She had still found no relief from her deep distress.

She had been bitter for a long time. While raising her children and attending church, her husband would cheat on her. She also worked the entire time the children were young, until they graduated. Meanwhile, he would leave on ‘business trips’ to go and gamble away their hard-earned livelihood, and spend time with other women. Then one day, he met someone he wanted to marry. So, they divorced and he moved far away to be with his new wife. He was a narcissist.

Her sadness and grief was also due to the loss of her mother, whom she had taken care of for 20 years after her father passed. She sacrificed a lot to dedicate herself to serving her mother’s needs. During this time she had no notion of self-care. She suffered on all levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually. She even gave up going to church. She was slowly dying inside and didn’t even know who she was anymore.

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