wounded healer
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
To Lie, To Live, To Believe
Our brains are naturally wired to recognize patterns, find connections between seemingly unrelated things, and draw analytical conclusions from our observations. We all use this ability every day without even knowing it.
It is a talent we inherited from our ancient ancestors. Professor Robert C. Barkman explains that “pattern recognition was key to the survival of our Neanderthal ancestors, allowing them to identify poisonous plants, distinguish predator from prey, and interpret celestial events. Today, pattern recognition plays new, but just as important roles in diagnosing diseases, inspiring new ways to safeguard data, and discovering new planets.”
This amazing ability is however seldom mentioned or considered in spiritual and metaphysical circles. But Spirit has over the years guided me towards greater spiritual insight and metaphysical understanding by taking me on interesting journeys of analysis and pattern recognition towards profound insights and relevations.
For example, while meditating during Easter a few weeks ago, my guides took me ‘down a rabbit hole’ on the decisive word believe. The first insight I discovered was that right in the middle of the word ‘believe’ there hides another, more disheartening little word: lie.
Of course, ‘believe’ is a good word. It is the cornerstone to faith and living a spiritually empowered life. But the hidden word ‘lie’ inside it reminds us that we must also have a living faith for it to be authentic and powerful. And, if you drop the letter ‘v’ into ‘lie,’ it becomes the word ‘live.’
The Empowering Symbolism Of The World Card
The World card in the Tarot remains one of my firm favorites. I am all for personal and spiritual growth, the completion of cycles, and new beginnings. The World represents exactly that: the ending of a cycle and pause in life, before the next major cycle begins with the fool.
The journey from the new beginnings of The Fool to the fulfilling endings of The World is a constant evolutionary process in our everyday lives that is represented by the sequence of the 22 Major Arcana cards of the Tarot. The World is the 22nd trump and therefore final card of the Major Arcana.
I have reflected on the imagery of the Rider-Waite version of this Tarot card in great detail. Rider-Waite is probably the most popular and universally recognized Tarot deck. The illustrations by Pamela Colman Smith at first glance appear simple, but the details and backgrounds feature abundant mystical symbolism.
The World pictures an empowered figure within a wreath – traditionally a symbol of victory, success, achievement, and eternal life. The figure holds a wand in each hand, which is reminiscent of the Magician card and the Two of Wands. However, while The Magician holds only one wand, the two wands in the The World card represents fulfillment, wholeness, balance and coming full circle.
The card is framed by four animals on the diagonal. The depiction of these four creatures parallels the four animal symbols used in Christian art to represent the four Evangelists, namely Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The four animals also represent the zodiac signs of Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius, the four fixed signs in Western Astrology, which in turn represent the classical four elements of Earth, Fire, Water and Air.
Overcoming Addiction To Work For Spirit
A recent talk I gave about my addiction recovery journey and my calling to work for spirit, became a wonderful full circle moment for me. It was very empowering to look back, reflect on my experiences and see how far I have ultimately come.
It also brought up early memories of moments in the past when the writing had already been clearly on the wall, so to speak. In retrospect, is it was very clear early on that overcoming addiction was going to be one of my major life lessons and a significant part of my spiritual path in this lifetime
I remember, for example, I had my astrological natal chart done by a gifted astrologer, who later became a mentor to me. I also had my first experiences of past life regression with him.
After carefully analyzing my chart, he told me that my calling was to do spiritual work and be a guide and healer. He then added that I would first have to rise above the challenges of addiction before I could fully immerse myself into working with spirit. How right he was!
I did not understand his prediction at the time. I was still sober at the time and my social use of alcohol was something I considered to be my ‘guilty little pleasure.’ In time, I even started calling it the ‘devil on my shoulder,’ but in no way did I feel I had a problem with alcohol, much less consider myself an addict.
I would often read tarot cards for myself in those days and, sure enough, no matter how many times I shuffled the deck and no matter how many different decks of Tarot I consulted, the Devil card would consistently appear. The true significance of this would become more evident as time went on.
Ravished By A Sacred Centaur
I have studied healing for many years. Since making a conscious decision to embark on my true life journey, I have experienced many powerful teachers. Much of my work has taken me into uncharted waters and I have learned to welcome diving deep.
As the world speeds up, I have slowed down over this last portion of my life, to recover from an illness that I thought might take my life. This process has brought me to waters so uncharted they seem otherworldly, and perhaps they are. Fortunately, I have fully re-entered the world I thought I might have to leave, and fully accept the entire experience as a blessing.
Over this time, I encountered Chiron, the original Wounded Healer. He is a centaur in Greek mythology who was gravely injured and had the opportunity to forever leave his battlefield for the Garden of the Gods. But he chose to stay on the battlefield instead of going to paradise, in order to assist others who were wounded.
I have known Chiron practically all my life, so having a rendezvous him at a major crossroads in my life was no surprise. What was however totally surprising, was that this time I finally fell in love with this benevolent being.
There were many times, especially this last time, when I ran from Chiron’s embrace. I needed to be back in the world I had left behind, where I am primarily committed to helping others. However, there is also a practical reality to deal with. Our modern world is not an easy place to thrive in. Many barely survive physically, mentally or emotionally.
There is also an unspoken, yet imposed maximum period of recovery from illness, much like the time allotted to grief in our culture – a brief period before we are expected to re-engage with the ‘normal’ world and get on with life. But both healing and grief are highly personal journeys, and how it uniquely unfolds for each person is not for others to dictate, prescribe or judge.
True Healing Begins With Holding Space
A work associate and friend recently offered me a free healing session, which he describes as ‘holding space.’ It involves the healer simply ‘being present’ and mindful in the moment with the client during a video call.
He explained the process beforehand and informed me that was going to simply talk and express myself, with no prompting from him. I gratefully accepted his kind offer.
I was not sure what to expect, but having studied various healing modalities myself over the years and being naturally curious about all aspects of spirituality and holistic health, I was open to the experience.
To begin he invited me to just relax and focus on my breathing. Once he senses that I was ready to proceed, he encouraged me to simply begin talking about whatever came to mind.
“Oh no,” I secretly thought, “what on earth will I talk about?”
Well, I soon discovered that it wasn’t difficult at all! I spontaneously began talking, and soon it was pretty much non-stop! I kicked off talking about my concerns for my aging pets, and then went on to other everyday worries and domestic matters. Eventually, I switched to my family history – specifically focusing on all the times I had felt invisible or let down by relatives.
About halfway through, I briefly hesitated and asked my friend if he was not maybe getting bored? But he assured me that he was perfectly fine, adding that this kind of work was very much a calling for him. He later explained that he has overcome several life challenges and tragedies himself over the years, and subsequent soul-searching, as well as further training in various holistic practices, ultimately led him to begin holding space for others.
Chiron Retrograde Is An Opportunity For Deep Healing
A lesser-known celestial body to watch if one is metaphysically inclined is the planet-like asteroid or comet known as Chiron, which orbits between the planets Saturn and Uranus. It is named after the wise centaur in Greek mythology who could heal others, but not himself, and is associated with the archetype of the ‘wounded healer.’
Chiron went retrograde recently on July 19th and its reverse trajectory will last until December 23rd, 2022. This astrological event will challenge us, as Chiron symbolizes the unhealed pain and unresolved past traumas we still carry within. It represents our deepest, core wound and our efforts to heal that wound. The good news is, despite a retrograde cycle bringing challenge, it also bring opportunity for expansion and growth.
Chiron is currently in the fiery, action-oriented sign of Aries where it will remain until the year 2026. This is a difficult placement, because Chiron is all about deep introspection, delicate shadow work and patiently working towards the healing of old wounds, while Aries has little patience in such matters and just wants to ‘get on with it.’
You may feel tempted to rush into the core of your pain and trauma due to this retrograde, but be sensible instead and take a step back. This retrograde period does offer a powerful opportunity for working on inner healing and forgiveness, but take a measured approach and do not foolishly rush in where angels may fear to tread. Give yourself permission to honor slow, steady processing, healing and growth. Healing is like a seed we plant; it takes time for an acorn to grow into an oak tree.
If you find your temper and emotions flaring, remember to breathe, use mantras, and positively visualize your outcome. New growth takes place after a wildfire (Aries) and this is an excellent time to start anew, while overcoming old traumas.