relationship
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
When A Psychic Tells You The Unwelcome Truth
A psychic who works with integrity conveys to her clients the truth of what she receives from spirit. These messages do not always meet the expectations of what a client may want to hear, but it will always be what they need to hear.
For example, if you have been clinging to a toxic relationship or remain stuck in a dead-end job, your psychic most likely will receive information from spirit to advise you to move on. God, Source, Spirit, the Divine knows what is best for our highest good, even when we choose to believe the opposite and remain in denial.
One of the most important lessons I have learned over the years as a professional psychic, is to always trust whatever information or guidance I am given, even if it makes no sense to me personally and it is also not what the client is hoping to hear.
Ethical psychics and mediums never tell someone what they want to hear simply to appease them. Sugar-coating the truth does not serve the client’s highest good in the long run. Instead, it just prolongs their unhappiness and misery.
Several years ago, I did a series of readings for someone who was madly in love with someone that she had moved across the country to be near. She had placed her entire life on hold, gave up many good things in her life, and relocated…even though he was married. He had told her how much he loved her, made many promises, and confirmed repeatedly that he wanted to be with her. He even encouraged her to give up everything and move closer to him, for them to be together.
Spirit Is Like A Lifeguard
I used to work in a Wisconsin tourist town in the early 90s, holding down two full-time jobs to pay my way through college. One of my employee benefits was a free admission pass to all the city’s water parks and other tourist attractions. I rarely had a day off, but whenever I did, I would relish splashing around in those lazy rivers and wave pools with childlike enthusiasm!
A popular feature at my favorite water park was a towering waterslide. At the top sat a lifeguard who would give the go-ahead for you to safely start sliding down, after the slider in front of you had cleared enough distance.
Our spirit guides are kind of like those water park lifeguards.
I remember doing a reading for myself around New Year’s Day 2016, regarding my wishes and goals for the future. I wanted my midlife crisis to be over after my divorce, and I craved to immerse myself full-time in my spiritual work to gain respect and personal fulfillment.
Seven years later, I’m still working on some of those 2016 resolutions, but I have meanwhile realized that Spirit has held me back from achieving these goals earlier in my life, as I had karmic obstacles blocking my progress.
I used to be in a loveless marriage that was a karmic ball and chain around my ankle. For example, when I faced a major health challenge years ago, all my ex could focus on was the economic loss, since I wasn’t able to work at the time. I recall someone in an online support group asking him, “Don’t you love your wife? Then support her!”
Faith As A Spiritual Science
It is generally assumed that all forms of ‘faith’ is merely matter of ‘belief.’ In other words, to have faith is seen as having belief that is blind; it is a belief without reason, evidence, or experience. However, there is another kind of faith that develops through a reciprocal relationship.
According to the Vedic teachings and the practices of Krishna Bhakti (awareness of, and affection for Krishna, the Supreme Person) faith begins with hearing spiritual knowledge from a liberated soul, who is beyond the four defects of material conditioning.
Ordinary people (or conditioned souls) have four defects due to their contact with material existence. These defects are:
- The tendency to make mistakes.
- To be illusioned.
- The propensity to cheat others.
- To have imperfect senses.
At the initial phase of faith, there is an appeal to the intelligence of the conditioned soul that evokes exploration of knowledge through hearing deeper spiritual insights, which in turn appeals to their intelligence to apply it.
From the experiment of applying it, comes observable experiential results that corroborate the truth of what was initially heard from the transcendental authority (liberated soul).
This confirming experience not only yields faith in the knowledge and process applied, but it also forms an evidential knowing beyond a mere baseless, ‘blind’ belief. Therefore, developing a relationship with God through Bhakti-Yoga or Krishna Consciousness is a spiritual science.
Online Dating Is Seldom The Problem
How does one find that everlasting love so many of us seek? This is the big question. In today’s era of social media and online dating, romance is so very different from the old days, when one would more often meet someone through friends and relatives, or at work. I am not saying that oes not happen anymore, but chances are slim in a new era where more of us are working from home and studies reveal that more than half of adults are experiencing loneliness.
I believe nowadays most people are actually scared to enter the dating scene. Not only does it take one out of your comfort zone, but we have all heard horror stories of people who tried online dating and now feel they will never want to date again. Some people are also adamant that online dating simply does not work.
The truth is quite the opposite however, when one looks at research statistics. For example, in a 2019 study found that meeting online has become the most popular way for couples to connect in the United States.
A 2021 study estimated that about 323 million people worldwide were using dating apps and matchmaking sites to meet new people. A recent survey found that about one in every three people who use these platforms found someone to have a long-term relationship with, and at least 13% of online daters eventually get engaged or married because of using these platforms.
In my experience the dating apps and websites are not the reason why some people fail to meet the right person or have bad experiences with online dating. I have seen time and again in readings I do for clients all over the world that the key elements for dating success are self-love, self-worth, mental health and spiritual awareness.
Being Your Strongest, Most Authentic Self
Many people tend to think that being vulnerable and open is a bad thing, because it makes them vulnerable to getting hurt in life and especially in relationships.
When someone disappoints or hurts us, whether deliberately or inadvertently, it is usually because they have deep wounds of their own that stems from their past, especially for their childhood. These unresolved traumas are often dormant and unconscious.
One might feel this is still no excuse to treat others poorly, or that they should know better. However, because these people typically have not done much inner work or self-healing to really know how to be in loving, happy, and functional relationships. I’m not condoning their bad behavior, but if they actually do not know any better, then how can one expect it from them?
I find people who are stuck in such patterns of hurting others are usually very much defensive and in denial. If you gently suggest what you may need from them, or bring up an aspect that the two of you could work on together to improve the relationship, they tend to instantly throw what you say back in your face and make it all about you. Suddenly, all of it is your fault.
This defensive behavior is a clear signal that this person has a lot of hurt, and is either fearful or unable to work through it. Therefore, if you bring up something that triggers their pain, they immediately see it as a threat. They feel attacked, or that they are being made a scapegoat.
How To Truly Let Them Go
When a relationship ends, we may find it very difficult to let go of the other person, especially when they have been the one who chose to leave. Friends and clients have often asked me this question. How do I forget him? How do I stop thinking about her? I have asked myself this a few times in my own life too.
My psychic observation has been that consciously trying to forget someone for whom we have strong feelings of love and affection will only serve to make it worse. ‘Forgetting’ someone we love is unnatural and goes against our grain. It only creates resistance that further increases tension and intensifies our pain.
So, it is usually better, but not easier, to channel or process our feelings of love and affection for another soul, in a more constructive, liberating way. This includes honoring the freedom of every soul’s path in relationship with God, Source, Spirit, the Divine.
It is essential to let our feelings flow, because emotions are energy in motion (e-motion). The energy will move through and in time lessen, like storm clouds passing through the sky, until the sun is visible to the eyes again.
Keeping the heart open is an important part of this process. The vision God gives me to describe this is of being in your home, going about your own life within it, with all your attention focused on the activities, surroundings, and experiences of the moment, and simply being present with what you have and what is, while the front door remains open in the background.