Are You Holding On To The Wrong Person?

Many of the questions that callers ask me during readings have one thing in common: how another person is affecting the their health, happiness, and peace of mind.

Despite the differences in the details, the underlying story is often the same: the person’s inner light is dimmed because they have been giving too much power to another person’s choices, moods, or shortcomings.

Many people seem to be in the wrong relationships. They hold on, waiting for things to change and hoping for the best. They postpone plans, silence their own needs and preferences, and test the limits of their patience, believing that a breakthrough will come tomorrow.

However, that is usually not what happens. People do not change for another person, and if they do, it never lasts or works out in the long run. A change driven by the need to please someone else rarely survives the stress of real life. As soon as complications arise, old habits resurface. People can only change for themselves.

Spirit’s guidance on this is always very clear: hanging onto the wrong person — whether a friend, family member, spouse, partner, lover, or boss — prevents us from experiencing the best life has to offer.

When we’re busy monitoring someone else’s actions, we have less capacity for our own personal and spiritual growth. This prevents the amazing blessings waiting for us from coming in, not because the universe is ‘stingy,’ but because our time and attention are fully booked.

One of the biggest excuses is (yes, I call it like I see it): But I love her as so much!” or, “Oh, but I cannot live without him.”

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people that are reckless with yours ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Some people repeat these phrases like personal mantras, convinced that love or need overrides everything else. These are simply excuses to avoid taking a chance at a better life and a healthier new relationship. They are simply ways of postponing hard decisions and convincing themselves that endurance is the same as devotion.

In truth, these excuses may keep them stuck in an uncomfortable situation and prevent them from breaking free from hurtful patterns. They are excuses that allow people to cling to the misery in their life and remain stuck while blaming someone else.

We alone are in charge of how our life goes—or doesn’t go. We can’t expect someone else to become what we want them to be.

When you say someone is making you depressed, that’s a misconception. You are allowing someone to hurt you and have an effect on you that is out of alignment with your true nature. Recognizing this doesn’t mean you caused the mistreatment, but it does mean you have the power to change how often it affects you.

You have the option to take control here. You can simply cut it off and walk away. However, many choose to remain in a state of unrest and despair while waiting for change. Waiting feels easier in the short term. Confrontation feels risky. Yet, the longer you stay, the heavier the situation seems and the more distant your own needs become.

Life is meant to be lived. You are meant to live every moment to the fullest. You are meant to live every moment for your highest good. You are meant to be happy, fulfilled, and full of joy and love. However, these things don’t come from another person. They must come from within you first and foremost.

May you reach that level within, where you no longer allow your past or people with toxic intentions to negatively affect or condition you ~ Lalah Delia

Then, other people in your circle can enhance each area of your life. If they try to bring you down or make you feel less than you truly are, simply cut the cord and walk away. No excuses are acceptable. Growth rarely coexists with constant diminishment.

It’s time to grow into the amazing person you’re meant to be. Stand up, walk away, and allow the right people, job, and environment into your life so you can thrive and grow. This is how spirit and the divine want your life to be.

Take a quiet moment today to review your life and the people who fill it. Pause after each interaction long enough to notice how you actually feel—energized, neutral, or depleted. This process can be challenging, especially with relationships that span years and feel almost sacred, yet longevity alone does not guarantee mutual respect or positive influence.

Approach the review honestly and one item at a time — one person, one job, one situation. Breaking the process into smaller steps prevents overwhelm and helps you spot patterns you might miss if you tried to judge everything at once.

Holding onto negative people and toxic relationships will drag you down to their level or control you in an unhealthy way. Small slights accumulate. Waiting for better behavior steals hours that could be spent building confidence, friendships, or a new career.

It’s time to stand up and be the amazing person you were meant to be. However, only you can do this. No one else can create the scenario you are looking for — it is in your hands. Are you willing to do the work?

A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt but eventually, you will heal ~ Autumn Kohler

Signs They’re The Wrong Person

Here’s how to get started. Assess each relationship’s effect on your health, happiness, and emotional well-being. Work through the questions below for one relationship at a time. Your honest answers will give you a clear snapshot of whether the connection supports your growth, or holds it back.

Energy After-Effect: Do you feel tired, tense, or anxious after spending time with them?

Goal Progress: Have your personal or professional goals stalled since the relationship began?

Honest Expression: Do you hold back your true thoughts to avoid conflict?

Immediate Reaction: Does seeing their name on your phone create anxiety?

Self-Perception: Do you like the version of yourself that shows up around them?

Support Level: When you succeed, do they acknowledge and encourage you, or minimize and compete with you?

Boundary Respect: Do they consistently honor your boundaries?

Recurring Issues: Are you repeating the same unresolved argument?

Future Outlook: When you picture the next five years, does including this person feel calming or stressful?

Status-Quo Test: If nothing improved from this point forward, would you still choose to stay in the relationship?

Stop making excuses like “but I love him.” Love is real, but it’s not a shield against negativity. Stand up and allow the best blessings to come into your life by breaking free from the chains holding you back.

Every time you release a toxic tie, you send a message to every part of your being that you deserve peace and mutual respect. The path may feel unfamiliar at first, but it makes room for genuine support and shared joy.