They Can’t Gaslight You If You Trust Your Gut!

Gaslighting can be a very destructive aspect of a toxic relationship. It basically refers to any form of “reality twisting” or “crazy-making” that is designed to confuse or manipulate the victim.

Gaslighting is used to gain power and control in the relationship by making the victim question their reality. The phenomenon is typically found in romantic relationships, but it can occur in all kinds of social relationships, including friendships, at work, and with neighbors.

Sometimes it’s done in an obvious way, right under the victim’s nose, but more often it’s done under the radar, and you don’t always know who’s gaslighting you, or even that you’re being gaslighted.

“Gaslighting” is a psychological term derived from the 1938 stage play Gas Light and its 1940 and 1944 film adaptations. The movie is about a husband’s attempts to systematically drive his wife crazy by repeatedly dimming the gas lights in their home, only to deny that it ever happened when the wife asks him if he also noticed it. Over time, he manipulates his wife to the point where she believes she is imagining things and loses her mind.

Gaslighting is a common manipulation technique used by dictators, con artists, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists, and cult leaders. It’s done in such a way that the victim rarely realizes how much they’ve actually been brainwashed.

At first, the victim may have the idea that they’re not imagining things, but that someone else is doing this to them. They may even have an intuition about who that person is. However, the goal of gaslighting is to get victims to doubt these rational thoughts and replace them completely with the belief that there is something wrong with them, either mentally, spiritually, emotionally, or physically. The worst part, in my opinion, is that it makes you doubt your own intuition.

Gaslighting tends to eat away at you slowly until you realize that you’re a shell of the former person you were ~ Aletheia Luna

For example, a woman might find a note written by another woman to her boyfriend about how much she enjoyed their weekend together. She then remembers that her boyfriend was actually out of town that weekend. But when confronted, he says that she has her dates all wrong because he was actually home that weekend. Also, the note was not addressed to him, but to his best friend, who had accidentally left it in his car on their boys’ night out. He also can’t believe that his girlfriend doesn’t trust him! Maybe it is because she is the one who is cheating on him. This is a classic example of gaslighting.

If an employer criticizes your work, even though she is guilty of the criticism herself, and suddenly denies having approved of it in the past and continues to nitpick you daily, to wear you down, you may also be a victim of gaslighting. Or if a neighbor you’ve had problems with in the past tells you he saw your son flatten your tires, when in fact the neighbor did it himself, that’s gaslighting.

When the police interrogate someone and lie to them, telling them that their DNA and fingerprints are all over the crime scene and they are not, that is also a form of gaslighting. There have been cases of people who, after days of interrogation, have confessed to a crime they did not commit for that very reason. They eventually come to the conclusion…if the police say they were there, then they must have been there? The police may even convince them that they did commit the crime and now just can’t remember.

In romantic relationships, gaslighting is often done very slowly over a long period of time. At first, the gaslighter lures the victim in with compliments and kind words. Then, slowly, the victim is made to believe that she is fat, ugly, lazy, slovenly, or stupid — the opposite of all the things the victim was told in order to lure her in and make her trust the abuser.

In the beginning, the gaslighter tells the victim that she is the best thing that has ever happened to him, only to later tell her that he can do better without her. They may talk about how attractive past loves were and make unflattering comparisons.

If you alter your behavior because you are frightened of how your partner will react, you are being abused ~ Sandra Horley

Here are a few more examples of gaslighting that I have come across in my work with clients:

✵ Telling a woman with long hair that she has beautiful hair. Then, months later, telling her that her hair looks damaged because she brushes it all wrong, even though the partner is bald and clearly does not know how to brush long hair properly.

✵ Telling a partner that they are not able to perform sexually as well as others before him.

✵ Telling a partner that she has a beautiful body, only to find out later that she is very overweight or doesn’t have the kind of body the abuser is attracted to. Several clients have told me over the years how their abuser told them they were physically perfect, only to later complain they had gained weight, even though the scale said they had not.

✵ Telling a partner they were really funny and laughing at their jokes all the time early in the relationship, and then later refusing to even crack a smile, no matter what.

These manipulative tactics are designed to make the victim question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, while giving the abusive partner power, control, and a sense of superiority. The best way to avoid gaslighting is to trust your own intuition and going with your gut — no matter what anyone else says. If your gut tells you that something is wrong, that you are being manipulated, or that the other person is lying, you are probably right.

Some people will label you as vindictive, unforgiving or even evil for not allowing them to hurt you, yet again ~ Wayne Gerard Trotman

Ways To Sharpen Your Gaslighting Intuition

To better trust your gut and sharpen your intuition when someone tries to gaslight you, especially when your inner knowing feels clouded by confusion, try some of the following strategies:

Pause and breathe: Gaslighting thrives on emotional chaos, reactivity and confusion. When something feels “off,” pause, take a deep breath, and allow your body to anchor you in the present moment. If possible, take at least a few minutes to truly process what they said.

Notice physical cues: Does your stomach tighten? Is your heart racing? Skin flush? Your body intuitively reacts to dishonesty and manipulation before your mind does. Learn to read your own cues.

Pay attention to emotional whiplash: Gaslighting often makes one suddenly feel ashamed, confused, or guilty for no clear reason. This sharp shift is a sign that someone is messing with your reality. Ask yourself: “Does this feel true to me?” Even if someone sounds convincing, check with your core. Does their version of events resonate with what you have felt, seen, or known?

Don’t argue: You don’t have to debate your truth. You have nothing to prove to toxic people in your life. Sometimes the most powerful move is to walk away calmly and simply trust what you know inside.

Take notes: Journal about it. Write down or record a voice note about the interaction as soon as possible.What was said? How did it make you feel? Looking back later helps you notice patterns and trust your original instincts and feelings.

Look for repetition and a pattern: One-time misunderstandings happen. But when someone consistently twists words, denies facts, or blames you for things you didn’t do, your intuition isn’t lying-something’s wrong.

Find a reality anchor: Check in with a trusted friend, therapist, or spiritual counsellor. Share what happened and how it made you feel. A neutral reflection can confirm what your gut already knows and that you are not losing your mind!

Affirm your inner knowing: Start a daily affirmation practice saying things like: “I trust my intuition. I honor my truth. My feelings are valid.” Strengthening your self-belief in this way helps you stand firmer when challenged.

Ask your angels, guides, or ancestors for protection and clarity: You’re never alone. When doubt creeps in, call on your spirit team for support. Whether through prayer, meditation, or ritual, their loving presence can help you clear the fog and strengthen your inner truth.

Get a psychic reading: When your intuition feels clouded, a trusted psychic can help you tune back in. A good reading with a skilled psychic or medium can help you confirm what your spirit already knows deep down.

Gaslighting is not love or caring. It’s emotional and psychological abuse. If someone consistently makes you doubt your worth or your sanity, the problem isn’t you — it’s their toxic manipulation and mind control. Trust your gut to protect yourself.