highly sensitive person
The Romantic Challenges Of Being An Empath
I frequently do readings for clients who are discovering their empathic abilities, as well as awakened empaths who are still working on their self-empowerment. The majority of empaths that I have worked with over the years have all been in very high-stress romantic situations that do nothing but magnify what these highly sensitive people are already experiencing. While this is no doubt confusing, frightening and intense for the empath, one must consider the fact that it also greatly impacts their partners.
An empath a highly sensitive person who is very aware of the feelings, moods and motivations of other people and are deeply affected by the energies around them. This is experienced by the empath in many ways, including as physical sensations, moods, and emotions, as well as an inner knowing of what lies beneath the surface of other people’s words and actions. An empath has the ‘psychic radar’ to hone in intuitively on the truth of a person or situation.
Relationships, especially romantic ones, can therefore be a nightmare for empaths, and their partners. While their partner may be saying one thing, the empath ‘knows’ or ‘feels’ something different, and can sense if their partner is being dishonest or deceitful. While this can be useful at times to protect the empath from pursuing relationships with the wrong kind of person, it can also be very damaging and destructive to a potentially happy, healthy relationship with loving partner.
It can be very disconcerting and intimidating for the romantic partner of an empath to feel so constantly questioned, judged and exposed. I get many calls from empaths who are deep in an argument stemming from their partner’s refusal to come clean about what is really going on, or what they are truly feeling. The more the partner protests, the more the empath pushes and prods, leading the partner to shut down, withdraw, or disconnect completely.
Simple Energy Cleansing Techniques
Everything in the universe is energy – so are you. In addition to our physical body, we also have a subtle energy body consisting of various layers, including the aura or energy field, the chakras or energy centers, and various smaller energy channels and points.
To be holistically healthy and happy it is therefore important to not only take care of the physical body (which is undoubtedly also very important and unfortunately too often neglected), but also the energy body. Our energy body can become unbalanced and even dis-eased with toxic patterns, old blockages, repressed negative emotions and deep energy imprints of trauma. It is vital for our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being to regularly cleanse and maintain our energy body.
In addition, as spiritual beings in humans form we are all energetically connected to each other and therefore we are affected daily by the energies of others. And the truth is that many people in our everyday environment have unhealthy and even toxic energy bodies that are not exactly emanating good, positive vibrations.
For example, you are in a happy, energized mood when you visit relatives or friends, and although everyone in the room outwardly appears to be doing perfectly fine, you soon begin to feel energetically drained or experience unusual emotions, such as suddenly feeling depressed, anxious or angry. This may well be due to someone else’s energy frequency present in the room. Energy never lies, even when we pretend or try to hide it.
The more empathic and highly sensitive we are, the more likely it is that we will intensely feel these environmental energies. A regular energy cleansing is vital to neutralize and shield us from external toxic vibes. I am such a person myself, and I have learned the hard way how destructive it can be when I neglect my energetic self-care and spiritual cleansing.
Empaths Need Firm Psychosocial Boundaries
Psychosocial balance is tricky for the empath. It requires managing expectations, checking our reactions and emotions, and most especially setting boundaries. Because it is so easy for us to link into the feelings and emotions of those around us, empaths often forget that others may not respond in kind.
For the empath it’s all about balancing your intuitive gifts with your expectations, and finally your responses. Work, friendships, relationships, all the things that encompass our daily lives, require vigilance to ensure that balance is maintained, or chaos will ensue.
For the Type A empath, jobs, friendships and relationships can end very abruptly with major repercussions. The more assertive empath tends to have the motto of “do unto others before they do unto you.” They will leave a job, a relationship or a friendship at the drop of a hat. The more subdued, timid empath tends to stay in miserable job situations, one-sided friendships, and sometimes downright abusive intimate relationships.
At work especially it is very important for all empaths to remember that there is almost always going to be some personality clashes. Others do not always view us favorably. Remember that you are there to do a job – your job. Staying focused on your work, the requirements of that job and your performance is your primary responsibility. Confronting someone, especially a superior, with “what’s your problem, I know you don’t like me” is counterproductive. Similarly the typical response of the introverted empath to quit, or at least never address any issues, is also futile.
Yes, it can be gut-wrenching or infuriating for empaths to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a co-worker or boss doesn’t care for them, or has it out for them, but utilize your gift! As an empath you can read the feelings and intentions of others. This gives you a map to the personalities you are dealing with. Use that information to moderate your own responses to the situation and the individuals you are dealing with in your professional environment.
How To Avoid Empath Ego-Traps
Being an empowered empath is a wonderful gift and blessing. But the empath ‘label’ can also become problematic when it is misconceived by some as meaning more than it truly signifies.
There are very common ego-traps that some empaths and highly sensitive people get hung up on with regards their empathic experiences. These ego-traps can be very counterproductive, as it may actually be holding them back from meaningful personal growth and progressing our spiritual path.
These ego traps are easy to get wrapped up in, but they are not a sign of weakness or failure. The experience of being an empath is often intense and confusing. These ego-traps offer lessons for us that often go hand-in-hand with life as an empath.
Some of the typical empath ego-traps are as follows:
Empaths Always Know Best
Assuming we are always right about how we ‘read’ a situation or person, or needing to save everyone and be everybody’s ‘therapist.’ We may have a good read that something is amiss, or that someone is upset, but its unwise to assume we always know exactly why.
Often empaths will feel something from someone and decide for themselves why that person is feeling that way. This is a good way to create conflict and tension in relationships! Instead of assuming, rather ask.
And if the person doesn’t want to talk about it, try assuming it is not about you, and that maybe you have no idea what is really upsetting them. Start there. Give the person space and do not make it about you. Continue reading
Being An Empath Is No Excuse
There’s nothing wrong with identifying as an empath. Actually, it can be beneficial to step into this truth for oneself, and own your empathic experiences as a significant aspect of your life.
But for many people it is difficult to take on this ‘label,’ because they don’t feel worthy or they feel they are saying, “I’m more special than other people.” In these cases, there is great benefit in coming to terms with being an empath because it doesn’t have to mean either of those things.
Being an empath is not something they have to be worthy of – it’s a trait they either have or don’t have. And it’s not a matter of being better or ‘more special’ than anyone else – that notion comes from a fear of being judged.
Being an empath means being highly sensitive to emotional energies, and feeling those emotions in your own body as if they were your own. The term ‘empath’ is just a word we can use to describe this trait.
There is some scientific evidence for the empath experience. Studies* show we all have a very specific group of cells in our brain responsible for empathy and compassion, called the Mirror Neuron System. In the brain of highly empathic people, it is thought this group of cells may be hyperactive or hypersensitive.
Being an empath is a wonderful blessing and gift, instead of it being a ‘curse,’ weakness or disability. However, it is important for the empath to become empowered and own their sensitivity.
In order to accomplish this, it is vital for the empath to avoid adopting a ‘victim mentality’ or constantly blaming everything negative that happened in their life on the fact that they are an empath.
Some empaths erroneously believe many of the struggles they encounter can’t be overcome. They assume that they will always be crippled in some way by their experience as an empath. This is false. They may have specific experiences and lessons because they’re an empath, but these are opportunities for growth. Some of the ways this manifests are:
The World Needs Highly Sensitive People
You’re being way too sensitive. Get over yourself. Don’t take everything so personally. Why are you being such a cry baby?
If you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) you have probably had others say such things to you at some point. But there is nothing wrong with you. According to renowned HSP researcher Dr. Elaine Aron, your sensitivity trait is perfectly normal. In fact, it is found in 15 to 20 percent of the population, which is way too many people for it to be a ‘disorder.’ However, it is still rare or exceptional enough to be misunderstood by most people around you, if they are part of the remaining 80 percent ‘non-sensitive’ population.
The highly sensitive person has increased sensitivity to physical, emotional, or social stimuli. It is also referred to by some experts as having sensory processing sensitivity. HSPs are more reactive, for example, to negativity, unpleasant emotion, or violence.
Because much of western culture is dominated by extroverted types, the more reflective, introspective HSP sometimes feel lost in the shuffle. They are the ones who need extra time to process things, who may sit by ourselves, or in like-minded pairs, at a large gathering.
HSPs seek to form deeper bonds and keep the peace instead of fighting. A noisy, chaotic, and rude world is often very overwhelming for them. It can be especially difficult for HSP men in a misogynist society, since many of the HSP traits are not celebrated as traditionally ‘masculine.’
The truth is that the world needs HSPs and their unique gifts. The HSP’s abilities to console, nurture, heal, and build relationships are invaluable for humanity. We all want a world where universal qualities like justice, empathy, and honesty are celebrated and practiced.
At work, they are the types who notice everything and attend to the smallest details, though they may often be overlooked for promotion. In family life, they are the ones who settle disagreements and find common ground. In the political world, they are diplomats and peace-keepers.
Energy Vortexes And Trauma Imprints
Many places on Earth have high energy vortexes. Just being in the vicinity of these locations can recharge your energy.
Places where these higher energy vibrations can be found include Mount Shasta in California; Shaftesbury and Glastonbury in England; The Great Pyramid of Giza and Mount Sinai in Egypt; Mount of Olives in Israel; Lake Titicaca in Bolivia-Peru, and so on.
However, you don’t necessarily need to travel to these destinations to experience the effect of energy vortexes. Even in your hometown, if you are highly sensitive to energy, you may feel positive and negative energy vortexes in certain areas.
Negative vortexes tend to attract violence and crime, for example, while positive vortexes affect people in a positive way, making them feel lighter and happy and the neighborhood more friendly and welcoming.
Just like wearing certain crystals, finding positive energy vortexes in your area can help you balance out your own energy. To find the best locations, try meditating in your car by parking in various locations in the area where you live. Sense the different vibrations in different areas.
Sometime our workplace or home itself is not the cause for our unhappiness or discomfort. Instead, it may simply be built on a negative vortex.
I once owned a business that was located on a negative vortex. Locals were convinced the place was haunted, but I personally did not agree. I sensed there were deep energy imprints of past trauma recorded in the place. Many people, including myself, encountered some very dark and freaky things there.