self-help
Are We There Yet?
Are we there yet? It’s okay to ask. The answer, however, should always be no. If we become preoccupied with destination, we lose sight of the purpose of the journey in the first place. When we honor the journey, we are able to keep on the path of forward motion.
Life itself is the journey. We learn the hard lessons, and finally understand that it’s a never-ending process. Often things occur in the guise of mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, hurts. But in truth, not learning from these events is the only failure. And if you don’t learn it the first time, it is highly likely the lesson will repeat itself, over and over again, until you actually do learn it.
When our behavior and actions change, we convert what we have learned into wisdom. For some people the process is a lifelong quest, while others utilize what they have learned and it moves them along quickly. Some people need to go deeper within themselves to make progress.
It is always good to ask if we are there yet. Especially at the beginning of every journey, or when the learned lessons tell us there is more work to be done – inner work to get to the very core of our being. For some people inner work can be very frightening, as many of us deeply suppress the things that we don’t want to deal with. But to complete the journey we must peel away the layers, like peeling an onion.
Apologies From The Other Side
Departed loved ones have come through to me many times over the years with a message of apology for how they treated me, or one of my clients. There is typically a common thread in these spirit messages: they didn’t know better at the time, but they do now, and they now see things differently. With the apology usually also comes great regret and remorse, acknowledging the pain they caused us.
For anyone who has been on the receiving end of abuse, I have come to believe that there is also a lesson in this. For me, the lesson has been learning to love myself. I was a people-pleaser for most of my life, and to some extent this is probably still the case, but there is a lesson in this too, in learning about self-love and learning to put my own needs first. My experience has been instrumental in enabling me to identify with others, and, in turn, I have become more able to help others the best I can.
I love the teachings of the spirit guide Emmanuel, as channeled by the late Pat Rhodegast. Emmanuel says, “If we were not meant to have done something, we would not have, but that it was all appropriate at the time.” I seem to recall his teachings stating that this does not mean that we should condone the harsh treatment of others.
As adults, we have more choices, but when family and loved ones treat us harshly, we often hope that things would get better, or that perhaps they were just having a bad day. I personally would do just about anything to please them, desperate to get their approval. Others often commented on and in hindsight they were right, but I would continue to hope.
Healing Painful Soul Memories
Every moment in our life creates a soul memory. Some of those memories are wonderful, and some are dreadful. The most horrific memories can be buried so deep, that the are no longer conscious memories, but they still affect how we move forward in life.
For example, a person who was sexually abused as a child may gain excessive weight or become self-destructive in their habits, in order to punish themselves, or to protect themselves from being the source of someone wanting to abuse them again. Because this abuse can happen at such a young age, the child may not have a conscious recollection of it until something in the present triggers it. They often have the barriers of protection they have created, but they do not know why.
When a trigger comes to surface that brings up a subconscious soul memory, it needs to be dealt with, or it will start to eat away at all the enjoyment in a person’s life. It will ruin their relationships, friendships and even work relationships, because the person simply cannot function at their true and full capacity with joy in their soul.
How do you heal painful soul memories? It takes a lot of work. It does not happen in a moment, or overnight. It is a matter of looking at each aspect, one at a time, forgiving what happened, forgiving yourself for carrying it for so long, and releasing it from your soul memory.
You Can Stop Smoking With Hypnotherapy
There is currently much talk about the possibility of another cigarette tax increase in my state. The hardcore smokers are of course adamantly opposed. It’s going to cost them a lot more money to sustain their habit. The reasoning behind the proposed increase is that the smokers are costing everyone else more money, in terms long-term health care, so why not put the burden on the smokers through the cost of cigarettes.
Fortunately, this shift in public perception is inspiring more smokers to stop. More people are seeking hypnotherapy as a means to help them stop. As a hypnotherapist, I use the word stop and not quit, because quitting implies giving something up, while stopping means ending a dreadful habit and improving one’s life and long-term health.
Many doctors, researchers and hypnotists will tell you that hypnotherapy is the most successful way to stop smoking cigarettes. Reports state that up to 80% of people who use hypnosis actually stop, and about 50% or more remain non-smokers after one year. That’s double or more compared to any other method, such as using a nicotine patch or medication.
The potential side-effects of the other methods are also not pleasant and may include headaches, dizziness, lightheadedness, drowsiness, stomach upset, nausea, breathing difficulties, chest pain, irregular heartbeat, nervousness, anxiety, and tremors. With hypnotherapy, the only ‘side-effects’ are improved sleep, improved well-being, decreased stress, less pain, better quality of life, and increased self-esteem and self-confidence!
An Accelerated Path
Many people come to me after years, sometimes decades, of trying everything else: Astrology, Numerology, Genetics, Past Life Regression, therapy, and so on. Years of being understood, validated, affirmed, and being told narratives regarding why they are the way they are, did not bring them all the answers.
There is worth in all of the above practices, both in Psychology and Spirituality, or Metaphysics. However, growth requires challenge, and we are now in a ‘feel good’ culture, where if anyone gets upset, there is the potential of backlash, or even a lawsuit.
In the 1960s there was an amazing education role play called Brown Eyes, developed by an elementary school teacher. You can look up the video online, as well as the reunion footage years later with the kids, who are now adults. The game created a scenario in which children, and later also adults, were able to experience the profound effects of discrimination, prejudice and racism.
However, teachers were eventually sued for doing this role play in class, because of the emotional upset caused by the experience. Of course, the role play was not upsetting to the minority children who experienced the discrimination and prejudice all the time in their daily lives.
Moving On After A Relationship Breakup
I sometimes have clients who are struggling to move past a recent break-up, or they want to know if they will get back together with an ex. Focusing on the past, by wanting to go back to a happier time, or a relationship that left us sad when it ended, prevents us from living fully in the present. And this may be blocking your path to true happiness.
On the flip side, sometimes the universe will block your forward movement, because you are not truly ready for it. If you need to go through a period of grieving the past, do so in the healthiest way by looking towards the future.
The next chapter for you will be richer if you focus on the path ahead, be it with your ex in a new realm, or someone new. Just know the energy that you give out when you are stuck in the past does not welcome new relationships into your life – at least not healthy ones.
No one wants to go through the pain, sadness or loneliness of a breakup. In my mid-20’s I ended a very serious five year relationship. He had already bought the ring. I knew we were close to making a bigger commitment, but he had broken my trust many times in the relationship.
So, as I looked towards a future with him, I knew I no longer wanted to continue. The relationship ended abruptly and all contact with him was severed, like a death. As I look back I realize it had to end this way, as the relationship was only going in one direction, and I no longer wanted it, even though I still deeply cared for him.
Reclaiming Your Power When A Relationship Ends
One of the main reasons it is so painful to release someone when a relationship ends, is because we have usually invested so much of our time and energy in our connection with that person. In essence, what we are truly missing when we mourn a relationship are parts of our self that we have given away. What we are mourning is the loss of our hopes and dreams, not merely the presence of the person who is no longer in our life.
If this is something you are currently struggling with, I recommend the following ritual designed to help you reclaim your power after a relationship break-up, so that you can restore your inner wholeness and resume your search for true and enduring love.
Supplies
- 3 votive candles: 1 blue, 1 green, 1 yellow
- 1 aqua marine or clear quartz crystal
- rain or sage incense wand
- small mirror
- 3 copper pennies
- 2 tbsp of fresh or dried mint in a small bowl
- 2 tbsp sea salt