life drama
Trusting The Process
We are never too old to learn new life lessons. I have been married for 38 years. I cherished our relationship. It was not perfect, but intentions were always good. I was treated very well by my spouse, and I returned the favor.
But I have to admit, I didn’t do most of the work around the house; my partner did most of it. It was not fair. However, it worked for us. I was also the outwardly more needy one. My partner’s needs were more disguised, but they were there.
The way we handled things worked for us, but then something happened recently that broke the trust between us. No, it was no due to an extramarital affair, nor any criminal activity. It was not due to any of the typical or usual things that negatively impact marriages, but it was pretty eye-opening nonetheless.
After this major wake-up call, we must now work on revamping our marriage, and it may, or may not, work out for us in the long run. This is a new journey for me. I am walking in the dark on an unknown path, and I feel lost, but I will have to learn to trust the process.
When A Relationship Ends
When a relationship ends, no matter which partner ended it, a certain amount of healing and forgiveness is always needed. But people deal with break-ups differently and everyone handles it in their own, unique way. There is no right or wrong way. Some people seem to move on more quickly, while for others it can take months, or even years.
In truth, when a relationship ends it has usually been over for some time already. Some people take years to end a relationship, and often they have already grieved the relationship for quite some time.
It is all too easy to sit in judgment of your former partner, or place the blame solely on the other person. You may have been a really good partner in your own eyes, but what was your part in the puzzle of the relationship? One must look at all sides of the story to truly understand why the relationship did not work.
So, although a break-up is uncomfortable and painful, usually accompanied by lots of tears due to self-examination, your own part in any relationship failure must be examined for your own personal growth.
It’s hard to take a look at yourself and be brutally honest on all levels. For example, you may feel that your gave the relationship 110% percent. Well, truth be told, if you really were the only one giving your all to keep the relationship going, then you most likely also became resentful without even realizing it. Your own needs were probably not being met in the relationship. You started to lose yourself and became only the mirror of the other person.
A Life Lived For Entertainment Purposes Only
There’s absolutely no struggle involved in living your life! For Entertainment Purposes Only should be on a sign hung around your neck, to remind you. The only possible interpretative struggle you may conceive is due to the resistance to accept your life exactly and precisely as it unfolds each day.
When you set about to change something, or more importantly, someone; balk at circumstances; oppose the obvious; complain about existing relationships or events; or deny your personal preferred involvement, the fictitious struggle begins.
Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty ‘gooey’ burnt marshmallow side of what we’re really talking about here, namely our undeniable ‘bitchy’ refusal to relax and accept our life’s bizarre storyboard unfolding in the manner it presents itself. In other words, the depth of struggle is directly tied to how blatantly spoiled we are.
We are ‘spoiled’ in the sense that we are determined to have things our way, when in fact, the very opposite way of doing things beckons us to surrender our begrudgingly held game. It’s a no-win situation if you continue to refuse to go along with the allotted assignment, in other words; to accept what shows up as it shows up. Do you a have choice? You tell me.
Humor – A Message From My Guides
We encourage everyone to remember the expression, “Laughter is the best medicine.”
Gossip and rumors abound. People overreact to perceived slights and unintended insults. Hair-trigger tempers flare and social media platforms expose issues for all to see. Friends interject their opinions without all the facts. Disagreements become exacerbated in the resulting spotlight. Politics can be polarizing. Stress levels are through the roof. Road rage is no longer an isolated incident. You can feel surrounded by potential conversational landmines.
At times like this, it is important to step back, take a breath and take a break. Come back to the issue with fresh eyes and determine whether it is truly worthy of consideration and comment, or whether it is a tempest in a teapot that will pass on its own. If necessary, deal with the issue using logic and forethought, rather than high emotion.
In times of stress, seeing the lighthearted side of anything can seem difficult, if not altogether impossible. However, there are some ways that you can soften the impact.
If you can come to terms with the idea of worrying only about those things you can really control and take the necessary action to control them, it will make it much easier to compartmentalize and to choose where to focus your thoughts and resources.
Are We There Yet?
Are we there yet? It’s okay to ask. The answer, however, should always be no. If we become preoccupied with destination, we lose sight of the purpose of the journey in the first place. When we honor the journey, we are able to keep on the path of forward motion.
Life itself is the journey. We learn the hard lessons, and finally understand that it’s a never-ending process. Often things occur in the guise of mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, hurts. But in truth, not learning from these events is the only failure. And if you don’t learn it the first time, it is highly likely the lesson will repeat itself, over and over again, until you actually do learn it.
When our behavior and actions change, we convert what we have learned into wisdom. For some people the process is a lifelong quest, while others utilize what they have learned and it moves them along quickly. Some people need to go deeper within themselves to make progress.
It is always good to ask if we are there yet. Especially at the beginning of every journey, or when the learned lessons tell us there is more work to be done – inner work to get to the very core of our being. For some people inner work can be very frightening, as many of us deeply suppress the things that we don’t want to deal with. But to complete the journey we must peel away the layers, like peeling an onion.
Are You An Enabler?
Are you an enabler? Enablers come in all forms. I was one. I did it to my children. I was a single mother, and guilt motivates us to think we are doing the right thing, when in fact we are only crippling the recipient. I was also a child enabled by my parents, and the road to get my head straight was long and painful. They didn’t want to say no, so being brought up in an environment where everything is handed to you as a child, creates a crippled adult.
The television series My 600-lb Life, is a good example in my opinion. The people featured in the show are basically hostages in their own beds, due to their obesity. And each and every one of them is enabled by loved ones, family or friends bringing them more, and more unhealthy food. These people cannot go to the store themselves anymore, and yes, they may have eaten their way to where they are, but with the help of their enablers they are continuing to gradually destroy themselves. Is this really the answer? Because they love them and they can’t take that person being mad at them?
I’ve seen this with parent-child relationships. Guilt often compels the giving parent to give, until they bleed, and teaches the child that all they have to do is protest or create a drama, and they get their way. The results can be devastating.
Be Where Your Feet Are… Where Else Can You Be?
We, are all on an immutable journey. One of which will yield untold ‘fruits of our labors.’ The secret to living a victorious joyful life is to discover, through hourly walking, what lies beneath our feet each and every day.
Nothing is held back from us nor are our ‘fortunes’ hiding somewhere else other than where we are presently situated. All roads lead to the same place eventually: home.
You are exactly where you need to be for reasons you can’t see. You can be nowhere else except where your feet are planted. You are where you are because you are supposed to be there and nowhere else. Can you get with that?
Your feet have brought you to this particular place in the here and now. Can’t run, can’t hide, can’t quit. That is not an option. This is it! You can be no other place, no matter what you’d like to tell yourself.
Stop fighting. No use trying to run, hide or negate your present circumstances and situation. Your feet will never lead you to any place, situation, circumstance, event or involvement that you do not need to be in.
Your mind may try to tell you otherwise: dramatically declaring that you should be anywhere else but here, with anyone else but who you are currently involved with, doing anything else other than what you’re currently doing. But, the mind lies.