loneliness
Simple Self-Care To Improve Your Well-Being
We are living in stressful times, but this can also be a time of reflection, and looking into the future, making plans. If you are currently feeling depressed, or in despair, there are many simple things you can do to ease your mind, or lift your spirits.
To begin, take some time to reflect on how you are feeling. Often we are unaware of how things are really affecting us. Consider how you may be choosing to perceive things, and whether you need to take some time to truly process some of your thoughts and feelings. Just recognizing that you are sad, afraid, frustrated, or depressed, is already a step in the right direction.
Remind yourself also that some of your thoughts and feelings may not be unusual in these unusual circumstances. Many people are going through the same thing at the moment. You are definitely not alone.
Each of us react differently to unpleasant life events. Try to stay positive and not be so down on yourself. Try to be more proactive and take time to reflect on what is most important in your life. Meditation, and other forms of spiritual practice, is a great way to relieve stress in your life.
A Unique Time For Human Connection
This is a unique opportunity in human history. We have more time now to expand our awareness and understanding, and to take the guidance from the sages of the ages to find peace in a tumultuous situation. One of the most unique aspects of the current situation is related to human connection.
At a time when we are being asked to practice social distancing, we also have a unique opportunity to be connected through social media and video conferencing. I am amazed at the opportunity that the miracle of technology has given us. Many of these technologies were not available 20 years ago.
Recently, I have been seeing stories about the kindness and compassion people are showing during this time. All the communication technology we have at our disposal enables us to connect with one another at a deeper level.
I would also recommend not focusing too much of your mental and emotional attention only on yourself at this time. The current situation is not just about you, and when we focus too much energy on what we are going to do or how this will affect us on a personal level, it only increases our sense of anxiety about the unknown.
If you are currently finding yourself with more free time, also do not just use this as an opportunity to only binge on television or movies. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with watching television or movies, but this is also an opportunity to expand your interpersonal connections in a unique way. This is a time where we can extend our energies on compassion and kindness toward our fellow humans.
From Separation Comes Unity
During my morning meditation, I became very aware of the isolation many people are currently experiencing, from having to self-quarantine or shelter in place.
Some are trapped in close quarters with family members, whom they don’t get along with, while others are solitary and feeling very alone. Whatever the circumstances, this is not easy for any of us, day after day, while grim news keeps coming in from the outside world.
In the Tarot there is a card, The Hermit, depicting an old, wise man who has chosen to retreat and isolate himself from the rest of the world. The card symbolizes spiritual isolation and social distancing, in order to seek wisdom and understanding within; to confront one’s inner demons, such as addictions, dependencies, habits or patterns; as well as learning to not rely on others, but to form one’s own opinions.
The Hermit card teaches us to find an inner solace and strength, a light within. There is much that we can learn from his wisdom. In normal life, we get so caught up in the mundane routines of everyday life, that we seldom pay attention to our inner being. We also spend so much time texting and scrolling through social media, that we get caught up in other’s opinions, attitudes and experiences, that we lose touch with our inner compass.
One of my Tarot mentors described The Hermit card as, “Stop the world, I want to get off.” It certainly seems in many ways that our world has been stopped in its tracks (but the planet itself has not stopped spinning). Many have nowhere to turn at this point, but inward. This may be a blessing in disguise in many ways.
Isolation Is An Opportunity For Deeper Practice
In the challenging circumstances we are now facing all over the world, many people are facing a period of self-isolation, social distancing, and even quarantine, in the interest of public health. Despite its impact on our lives and economy, a lot of good can also come from this, as it can be approached as an opportunity for spiritual retreat and inner growth.
In many spiritual traditions, solitude and isolation is actually considered essential. And it is not a spiritual practice reserved only for gurus, monks or initiates. It is in fact recommended for everyone to spend some alone time with their thoughts, and their spiritual practice.
Now, I am not talking about a luxury weekend retreat somewhere, on a sunny coast, in the mountains, or in a quaint monastery with beautiful gardens and amazing food. That sort of thing you can do any time of the year, and simply call it vacation!
Isolation is the doorway to an internal practice that leads to a more stable, fulfilled life, among other things. Why more stable? Because everything that we do in isolation, even if we are living with someone else, resonates in our mind in a much deeper sense than usual. Of course, if you do live with a partner or family, there is also the option of doing these practices together, but solitary is usually best.
If you regularly meditate, or pray, or repeat mantras, alone and without distractions, you will feel the powerful ‘echoes’ of those practices energetically. This is true and easy to see, as long as you do not turn on the TV immediately afterwards. I call this a deeper practice.
Looking Within – A Message From My Guides
As the holiday season starts to ramp up around the world, everything becomes more and more hectic. Travel plans are made early. Gifts are purchased. Party invitations are extended. New outfits are bought. Menus are set. Baking is done. It is a wondrous time of year, to give thanks and to show appreciation to family, friends, neighbors and colleagues.
Under these circumstances, it is understandable that stress abounds too. For some people, in addition to all the excitement, there is a real feeling of obligation. The expectations of others can be overwhelming and, of course, it is impossible to please everyone. There is also the feeling that time is running too short to accomplish everything on the to-do list. Demands on your time can seem endless and unreasonable.
For others, the holiday season can be a very quiet and somewhat lonely time. Old memories can be triggered. Losses can become more heightened and a sense of sadness can prevail. In the Northern Hemisphere, the days get shorter and sometimes much colder, so sunlight isn’t as prevalent to perk you up and lighten your spirit.
Whether you are run off your feet or living a more solitary lifestyle, we recommend that you make some time to look within. A daily meditation habit can do wonders to give you a sense of peace, calm and gratitude. A quiet mind at the start of your day can prepare you for the remainder of each day as it unfolds. A peaceful feeling can help you to put things into perspective so as not to worry, overreact or panic unnecessarily.
Everyone has a ‘little narrator’ inside their head who is constantly chatting up a storm. If this little chatterbox was a real person sitting with you in your living room or in the car, you would eventually ask him or her to stop talking for a while so that you could think, read, watch TV, listen to music, converse, drive, and so on. However, because everyone has grown quite accustomed to this little tag-along giving constant commentary throughout the day, you carry on in spite of the continual interruptions.
Do It Anyway
No matter what we go through in life and with who, we always come back to the same place… a familiar place of being alone. The thought occurred to me the other day that we come into this world alone, and we go out alone.
Though we may be surrounded by others, at the end of the day, we are still alone when we go to sleep at night. Even if we are married, or in a relationship with someone who sleeps next to us, we still enter into the sleep state or dream state, alone.
Have you ever noticed that people who are comfortable being alone, have somehow mastered being alone without being lonely? There is a true comfort, freedom, and delight in being by oneself, alone. When we are alone, we can take an honest inventory of our life, who we choose to spend time with, and also decide how we wish to spend our time.
The relationship arena seems to be one of the most challenging areas of life. We all fall into traps and pitfalls that can steer us away from our natural state of happiness , which we come home to when we are alone. However, relationships also seem to provide a fast track for our own personal growth by revealing how we interact with other people.
Our relationships point out areas within ourselves that may require growth or increased self-love. Simply put, relationships show us exactly where we need to focus on to come back to a state of wholeness.
Through The Looking Glass
We tend to not see ourselves accurately. We too often choose to focus on our shortcomings and weaknesses, such as we perceive them to be. And I believe we are all guilty of this. I have not in all my years met anyone who was truly satisfied with themselves – until it was sometimes too late.
I was just as guilty of this as anyone else. My childhood was one that I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy. I was abandoned by both parents when I was very young. I was raised by an aunt and uncle, who took pleasure in reminding me that my parents did not love me. My aunt also took every opportunity to beat the daylights out of me, while my uncle did nothing.
When I hit puberty, several older males in my ‘family’ began to stalk and harass me. I’d go into the kitchen and soon find myself backed up against a wall. Nobody believed me. Nobody did anything to stop it – not even when I was raped at 16 by a family friend’s son, who was deemed to be a “good boy” and “would never do anything like that.”
I could go on and on about all the horrible things that happened to me, but once I turned that momentous age of 16, and having had the experiences that I have had, I left my aunt and uncle’s home. I went to live with my boyfriend, his sister and their mom. When I left, my uncle dumped all my clothes on the front lawn.