Empath
Setting Healthy Boundaries With Toxic People
I have often wondered why so many of us tolerate unhealthy, unhappy, and sometimes very dysfunctional relationships with relatives and friends. Too many of us endure the toxic dynamics in our families and friendships, putting up with being the scapegoat, emotional punching bag, financial provider, free therapist, or nanny.
Why is it that many of us tend to keep giving the people in our lives second chances and multiple opportunities to learn and grow, hoping that they will somehow become more considerate, loving, and compassionate?
Meanwhile, we ignore their nasty words, spiteful behaviors, and toxic exchanges. We remain kind, tolerant, and patient. We try to help them lighten up, or connect on a deeper, more caring level. We hope that maybe someday everyone will be happier together and enjoy sharing more love and belonging, instead of dysfunction and drama.
But as the years go by, they continue to disappoint, abuse, and betray us. The loving kindness and mutual support never comes. Try as we might in these toxic situations, the people we love and care about will continue to talk down to us or try to make us feel that we are not good enough. These complicated family and friendship situations can eventually cost us our physical and mental health, our financial security, and our personal accomplishments.
I find this to often be the case with my clients who are gifted, empathic, highly sensitive, and spiritually aware. Some even consider it their purpose or calling in this lifetime. However, while being a wounded healer or earth angel is certainly a noble calling, being a scapegoat or doormat is definitely not! God, Source, Spirit, the Divine wants us to be happy, healthy and safe, and to live our best life.
Karmic Healing Inspired By Our Ancestors
I recently completed a pharmacy volunteer assignment at the American Red Cross. On my final shift, one of the phlebotomists gave me a T-shirt as a parting gift. It is printed with the slogan: Be Cool. Give Blood.
That T-shirt turned out to be a sign from spirit! It synchronistically brought up memories of one of my favorite mentors, and prompted a thought process regarding the role of our ancestors in karmic healing, and our soul family contracts, at a moment in time that I most needed it and found deeply meaningful.
In pharmacy school, I had an eccentric professor who used unconventional teaching methods and famously wore Snoopy™ and Joe Cool™ apparel to class. To us he was much like the character John Keating or “Captain” in the popular film Dead Poets Society (1989). As pharmacy students we usually attended mostly stodgy scientific lectures, therefore we simply loved his unconventional, fun approach!
I distinctly remember one of the topics we discussed in his curriculum was ‘empathy in healthcare.’ Little did I realize at the time how his teachings would someday inspire me in my work as psychic advisor.
In 1994, on the first day of our social and administrative classes, our beloved professor was tragically diagnosed with colon cancer. He passed away seven years later in 2001.
Empaths And Endings
Anger is one of the most difficult emotions for the empath to navigate, and the ending of a relationship is definitely one of the most challenging of all.
Any relationship that falls apart is tough, but if you are an empath you may well find yourself trying to navigate some very overwhelming waters. Not only will you be feeling your own pain, anger and confusion, but you will also sense your partner’s feelings, and possibly even that of your families and mutual friends.
Trying to make sense of all these emotional energies, staying centered and sorting out your own feelings separate from your partner’s is a very tall order.
Chances are you have also been sensing that something had been radically amiss for some time, before your love finally went on the rocks. It is important to take time to look back and remember when you first sensed something was off. Empaths are often aware of their partner’s moods and feelings, and may act on it too prematurely. Pushing too soon can result in the partner shutting down, or insisting that nothing is wrong. The problem is, however, that an empath will feel that something is wrong and will not be able to shake that feeling. You knew something was wrong… and you were right!
It is critical that you shift your focus away from your partner and towards taking care of yourself. Allow your emotions to flow. An empath is always going to be more focused on the other party’s actions, reactions and feelings. You automatically link in to them instead of you. To move through this painful experience you must shift your focus and concentrate on you.
The Messenger Must Know When To Hold Her Peace
Ever heard of “less is more?” Well, there is a lot of spiritual truth in the saying. It is especially valid in this day and age, where everyone seems to have preconceived ideas and strong opinions on just about everything. Sometimes saying less, or even saying nothing at all, is enough, and usually for the best.
Saying nothing can be very empowering and liberating. We have free will to choose how we want to spend our time and energy. I choose to focus on things that are for my highest good, and those I care about.
It is not our duty to correct every misinformed opinion or ignorant viewpoint we encounter. Does that mean we should be self-absorbed and uncaring? No, certainly not. But we can also not make the world a better place by wasting our precious time and energy trying to fix everyone, and correct everything, while our own inner peace and well-being suffers.
Compassion, charity, and kindness are all much needed in the world today, but not if it is constantly at our own expense. I therefore prefer to wisely pick my battles, and stick to my lane. One person cannot be everything for everyone. We must focus on our own unique strengths and capabilities when helping others.
If we randomly go out on a limb to help everyone with advice and support, it is often not appreciated and frequently met with negativity and resistance. Not to mention trying to point out the facts or truth of a matter, which can be very risky these days! There are some things in life people just need to figure out for themselves. They don’t always need to hear it from us.
Left Holding The Bag
One of my clients recently said, “I’m the one left holding the bag.” Have you ever been ‘left holding the bag?’ This is when you are put in a situation where you are unfairly held responsible, because other people fail or refuse to take responsibility.
The expression “left holding the bag” originated in 18th-century Britain, but at the time it referred to a person being caught with stolen goods, while the rest of their criminal gang escape responsibility.
Many of us are left holding the bag at some point in our life. This is especially true for empaths, healers and highly sensitive people. They are often the scapegoat in their family, or the friend who is taken advantage of, or the coworker who has to pick up the pieces when others neglect their duties.
The solution for this is often found in spiritual self-empowerment, inner child healing, energy shielding, or simply the setting of boundaries. These are challenges I often assist clients with.
A client was about to purchase a bed and breakfast establishment with the support of an investor. When the day came to sign the papers, the investor decided it was just too much to deal with at the time. This left my client ‘holding the bag,’ having to find a new investor.
Another client was abandoned by her siblings when their mother’s mental and physical health suddenly began to deteriorate, and she was left to her own devices having to care for her mom with no assstance or support from the rest of the family.
How To Deal With Toxic People
Toxic people can be incredibly difficult to deal with in both personal and professional relationships and can be detrimental to your personal happiness and well-being.
A toxic person is someone whose constant negativity and dysfunctional behavior causes drama in your life and drains you energy whenever they are around. Typical toxic traits include negativity, cynicism, apathy, lack of self-awareness, arrogance, entitlement, self-centeredness, domineering behavior, lack of empathy, being judgmental, dishonesty, anger outbursts, to name only a few.
The most extreme forms of toxicity includes personality disorders like antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorder. A personality disorder is a rigid, deeply characteristic way of thinking, feeling and acting that severely affects the person’s mental well-being, personal relationships and social life.
Toxic people can however be tricky to identify at first, as their dysfunctional traits and behaviors can be very subtle. Some of them are also very good at ‘gaslighting,’ which makes interacting with them even more treacherous.
Gaslighting is a very toxic form of manipulation, game playing, or crazymaking in which you are constantly being misled, confused, lied to, and made to question your own truth and reality. You increasingly feel unsure about the accuracy of your own memories regarding certain events and your personal opinions and perceptions of the world. You may even begin to think that you are to blame for the toxic person’s actions, or that maybe something is very wrong with you, or worse, that you are losing your mind.
Never Neglect Your Psychic Defenses
Experienced psychics and mediums understand the importance of spiritual practice and energy work for psychic protection. Responsible readers and channelers know they must cleanse, clear, and shield their auric field on a regular basis. But many of us, including myself, are at times guilty of neglecting or even forgetting to properly maintain our energetic health and safety.
Although we all have access to an infinite supply of divine energy, and our soul is always protected by a higher power, we must bear in mind that we are in fragile physical form while we are in this world. We must therefore for maintain and protect ourselves, both physically and spiritually.
By neglecting to shield our personal energy field as professional psychics, mediums, and healers we do not only expose ourselves to undesirable energy interferences, but we potentially also jeopardize the quality of the guidance we offer to others.
Psychic empaths are especially vulnerable to various energies. When our auric defenses are down, we allow others to siphon energy off us (many doing so unintentionally). You usually know who those people are who ‘drain’ you more than others. Perhaps they are depressed, unwell, or just simply very ‘needy.’ Even pets can be needy, particularly when we are working with rescue animals.
Certain places and crowds can also be very draining. Emergency rooms, hospices, funeral homes, court rooms, or any space where there has been intense trauma, emotional distress, discord, violence or physical pain can have a detrimental effect on the well-being of the energetically sensitive person.