News and Views From The Psychic Access Community

guilt

Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner

click here for a free psychic reading right now at PsychicAccess.comWe all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?

Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.

Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.

So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.

Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.

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No More Procrastination

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comDo you also procrastinate? Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished by a certain deadline. Or do you sometimes intentionally delay the completion of a task, despite knowing it might have negative consequences? Ninety five percent of people procrastinate at some point in life.

To break the habit of procrastination we must find some self-compassion when a task at hand causes us stress just thinking about tackling it. Some tasks just seem too big or overwhelming, and we can’t seem to motivate ourselves to get it done.

Procrastination makes most people feel guilt and shame. For some extreme procrastinators, negative feelings may trigger another reason not to complete a task. Only to become a vicious cycle of self-defeat. Most procrastinators tend to put off endings, as well as beginnings and commitments.

I have a close friend that has all kinds of ideas for a book she is writing. While collecting material, she put of starting the actual writing for three years. She felt she needed several points of view about the subject matter. She always needed one more.

Now, 13 years later, she can’t seem to stop writing the same book. The idea of being an author just feels so good to her now. The added benefit of this is that whenever she is asked what she has been up to, she loves to say, “I’m writing a book.”.

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Spirit Says You Can’t Please Everyone

click for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comI have learned that people-pleasing is something that one simply cannot do. People must learn to do it for themselves. We cannot please everyone all of the time, and some people will never be satisfied anyway, no matter how much time, energy and love we offer them. They are simply not ever going to be happy, no matter what. Period.

I can think of various situations where one might feel the need to coddle and people-please those we love and care for, but in the end it will only bring us self dis-ease and stress.

For example, the child who tries to please and be there and do everything for the parent. Why is this a bad idea? Well, the parent may give up if their child tries to do everything for them. Especially if they are older and trying to find themselves and re-establish their own life, after taking care of everyone else their whole life.

Sometimes we can smother an ageing parent with kindness, by trying to do too much for them. When we do this, it makes them second guess their ability to do things for themselves. It may even cause them to worry, have anxiety, or become fearful of living.

It is good to be there for one’s elderly parents, however there is a line that can be crossed if we try and do too much and make them feel like they cannot do certain things anymore. Sure, if their driver’s license has been taken from them, for example, and they cannot see well anymore, then obviously driving them places makes sense. But, if they are still able to function normally, then let them!

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Are You An Enabler?

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comAre you an enabler? Enablers come in all forms. I was one. I did it to my children. I was a single mother, and guilt motivates us to think we are doing the right thing, when in fact we are only crippling the recipient. I was also a child enabled by my parents, and the road to get my head straight was long and painful. They didn’t want to say no, so being brought up in an environment where everything is handed to you as a child, creates a crippled adult.

The television series My 600-lb Life, is a good example in my opinion. The people featured in the show are basically hostages in their own beds, due to their obesity. And each and every one of them is enabled by loved ones, family or friends bringing them more, and more unhealthy food. These people cannot go to the store themselves anymore, and yes, they may have eaten their way to where they are, but with the help of their enablers they are continuing to gradually destroy themselves. Is this really the answer? Because they love them and they can’t take that person being mad at them?

I’ve seen this with parent-child relationships. Guilt often compels the giving parent to give, until they bleed, and teaches the child that all they have to do is protest or create a drama, and they get their way. The results can be devastating.

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The Presence Of Playfulness In Your Life

Get a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comConsider the level of playfulness in your life. Do you allow yourself to have fun, and play? Are you so wrapped up in your past, other’s lives, work, or something else, that is blocking you from having fun, living more fully, and being playful in your life? Do you enjoy being entertained, or do you feel it’s a waste of time or frivolous?

Dig deep on this. The answers to these questions are what defines where your life is going at the moment. Yes, it is a challenge to dig deep. However, it is so essential in this day and age.

Have you become bitter, are you just walking through life, or do you still have that child-like energy to play, live out loud, entertain others, and be entertained yourself.

There are also deeper aspects to the presence of playfulness in our life. Has play disappeared because you are now in over your head and can see no way to move beyond where you are? Are you stuck or trapped in your life? Are you a person of great insight, wisdom and understanding, yet you are not filling your life with enough entertainment, fun and play?

What is your true opinion of yourself? Do you show one face to the world and another to yourself? Do you present who you truly are or become what you think the person in front of you wants you to be?

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Healing Through Radical Self-Forgiveness

click photo for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comThere’s no getting around the fact that we’re our own worst critics. There has been much written on the subject of forgiving others, but what about forgiving ourselves? This is the first and most crucial step to real, lasting, healthy self-love.

The roots of the pain many of us feel are guilt and shame – the knowledge that we have wronged or hurt someone else, and the lasting fallout resulting in self-harm. Guilt is sometimes a catalyst to change behavior, but shame often comes with long-term effects, such as negative thinking patterns, self-harming behavior such as addiction, depression or anxiety, and self-sabotage.

Over long periods shame is like a poison in our bloodstream which touches every aspect of our lives. But it doesn’t have to last! There is a healthy way to overcome the legacies of shame and guilt, and it all starts with compassion.

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Coping With The Pain Of Loss And Grief

click here for a free psychic reading at PsychicAccess.comGoing through grief is a very natural response to loss. The more significant the loss, the more intense our grief will be. Grieving can result from the passing of a loved one, losing a job, divorce, loss of health.

Coping with loss can be overwhelming. We usually go through all kinds of difficult and very unexpected emotions – from shock to anger to disbelief. Sometimes we also feel guilty that maybe there could have been more one should have done. And then there is the sadness, which is hard to even put into words.

The pain of grief and bereavement can, and often does, also disrupt our physical health, making it very difficult to sleep, eat and function normally. It is very hard to think straight at such a time, but these are normal reactions to significant loss.

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