Keeping Score In A Relationship
I believe the habit of keeping a ‘score card’ might start in someone’s childhood. It is based on developing a certain sense of duty and responsibility early on. For example, as kids I remember my sister and I had to take turns doing the dishes. My sister would always keep tabs on that chore. She always knew whose turn it was next. My sister is four years older than me, and to this day she still keeps score on almost everything in her life.
This also set the precedent for me with friends and other family members. Others keeping score just seems natural to me, so I never feel the need to do so myself.
This did not server me well in all aspects of my young adult life. For example, in relationships it always felt like I was the one trying to make things work. It did not make any difference to me who called who last. Therefore, I ended up doing most of the calling. But does it truly matter that much?
What has the other person done for me? After all I have done and given so much! What do I get out of this relationship? These are the questions score keepers are always asking themselves.
But in my view, a relationship is never 50/50, even if both people are truly happy and fulfilled. One will always be doing less or more. But it does not matter, as true love is supposed to be unconditional.
So, if you are keeping a score card things will never balance and the emotion that will come up is anger, rebellion, defensiveness, or a complete shut-down. That does not serve any relationship in the long run.
Believing In Miracles
The most amazing miracle I have ever witnessed was the birth of my daughter and my three granddaughters. Life itself is a miracle, and a mystery. But while some of us feel even the smallest thing is a miracle, others take everything for granted and do not give much thought at all to the unexplained.
Some people refuse to believe anything is a miracle. They only trust in the natural laws of physics. For them only seeing is believing, and nothing else is possible. Natural law has no tolerance for mysteries, much less miracles.
It is natural for people to be suspicious of what they do not understand. But people used to think the world is flat, because that is what they saw when they looked at the horizon.
So, my granddaughters finally talked me into getting a smart phone. Believe me, for a person my age, this gadget is indeed a miracle, and a mystery!
When I was a teenager, my boyfriend lived a few towns away. The only communication device we had in those days was a rotary dial wall phone. I had to sit on the kitchen floor to talk to him for only ten minutes at a time, because our household shared the line with two othertechamilies!
I remember I used to think: if only I could see him while we talk. Imagine that! In 1970 that certainly would have been a miracle. Well, what seemed an impossible fantasy back then is now the modern miracle of video chat and messenger apps.
The fact that my young granddaughters are so proficient with all the new digital technology is also a miracle to me. For them, this is just the way it is – it’s nothing miraculous in their minds. Continue reading
When You Wish Upon A Star
My dad always said one should make a wish on the very first star that you see every night. Anything your heart desires will come true. When you see, or hear the word star…what emotions arise in you?
Think of how many up-lifting songs have been written about the stars. The first song many people learn on an instrument is often Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. It reminds me of the theme song for the Walt Disney classic, Pinocchio. It is such a ‘feel-good’ song. When you wish upon a star it makes no difference who you are.
For some of us a star was the very first symbol that made us feel good about ourselves as children. In kindergarten getting a star for a job well done was a big deal! It always had such a sense of pride to show my parents at the end of a week how many gold star papers I had acquired.
A great pastime for children, especially at summer camp here in Maine, is laying on the ground looking up at the stars and hoping to see a shooting star.
Night people often say they get their batteries recharged by looking at the moon and stars. It brings them a sense of peace and hope for the future. One thing we can always count on is the sun, moon and stars will shine again.
Looking at the heavens for answers, ancient mariners used the stars to navigate where they were on the ocean. Sailors learned how to navigate by watching the movement of the stars.
According to natural navigating coach, Tristan Gooley, the North Star, known as Polaris is directly above the North Pole. “This means that whenever we point towards the spot on the horizon directly below the North Star, we must be pointing north,” he writes.
The Life Calling Of The Death Doula
The first time I heard of a doula, I had no idea what it meant. I soon discovered that it is a person trained to provide guidance, emotional support, and physical comfort to a mother before, during, and after childbirth.
But little did I know at the time that a doula can also be someone who is of service to dying. So, a doula may assist us coming into the physical world, as well as leave the physical world. What a wonderful profession to be called to assist in the miracles of birth and death.
As a psychic medium, talking to loved ones who have crossed over, I have come to understand that some people definitely prefer to be alone at the time of death. My own dad was such a person. He made it clear to us this was his dying wish.
Several people kept vigil at his bedside for three weeks, but the moment we all were away to change clothes or eat, was his opportunity to ‘check out.’ As in life so be it in death, my dad was a very private person.
His hospice room was right across from the elevator. When my mother and I stepped off the elevator, I heard my dad take his last breath and I sensed and felt his spirit exit the building. But I also know he was not ‘alone,’ because his loved ones, guides and angels came to greet him.
So, how does an end-of-life doula help with this process? A doula is there to help the family as much as the person passing. It is my belief that it is a deep honor to be present at a birth or a death. I have had the privilege to be present at all three of my granddaughter’s births. I have also been present at several deaths.
Both are times when emotions are running very high. At a birth everyone is anxious until they hear baby’s first cry. They are on edge waiting to hear baby and mother are both fine. A doula can help explain what is going on and answer questions about the birth process.
Bittersweet Is The Fall
Bittersweet is the fall in Maine. Literally. We have a vine here known as the ‘asiatic bittersweet’ (celastrus orbiculatus) that produces attractive red berries. They are yellow at first, but as they mature the outer shell cracks open to expose a magnificent crimson berry with a yellow coat.
Crafters here in New England traditionally use this vine to make holiday wreaths and decorate their homes. It also adorns the roads of Maine with the combination of fall leaves and green of pine trees.
But the bittersweet vine does its name justice in both sweet beauty and bitterness, life and death, because it is not only adored for its versatility as autumn décor this time of year, but it is also widespread, severely invasive and destructive. It suffocatingly twines high up around trees and sprawls over lower plants and vegetation.
It is not a native plant to the region and was originally brought here as an ornamental plant. As the vine begins to spread and grow to the top of trees it becomes the vine of death for the tree as it covers it completely. A bitter vine.
The fall is indeed a bittersweet time of the year. The natural cycle of life and death. The bittersweet time of year is the time to harvest food for the long winter ahead. Get our homes ready for the snow, darkness, and ice of winter.
In Maine the old timers say ‘button up the house’ for winter. The sweet part is people are thinking of the holidays ahead and gatherings with family and friends. There are traditional recipes. Who will make the best pie? Everyone has a favorite. Whose gravy is the most delicious? It’s a time of gratitude for everything that is good in life.
The Healing Power Of Positive Self-Talk
Most people indulge more in negative self-talk, than positive. But self-talk is not supposed to be negative and overly critical. We are supposed to use it to encourage, empower and motivate ourselves to achieve success and follow our dreams.
Our brain has the conscious mind, the subconscious mind, and what is known in hypnosis as the critical factor of mind. This critical factor is that part of our consciousness that checks and filters every through and idea that enters our mind. It is like the gatekeeper or the guardian between the conscious mind and the subconscious. That is how hypnosis works – it is a way to bypass the critical factor so that we can access the subconscious and reprogram it with new information and insights for healing and self-empowerment.
The role of the critical factor is to protect our mind, but this is not always a good thing. Because of the job the critical mind is tasked to do, it tends to be critical of everything. It is unfortunately also that part of our brain that says we are not worthy or deserving, that we cannot do things, or achieve things.
I cannot get the job I really want.
I’m not worthy of a happy, healthy relationship.
I am not smart and pretty enough.
People just don’t like me.
Why do bad things always happen to me?
The one big problem with the critical factor is that it does not always see or hear things the way they really are. It can convince of things that are not true at all. For example, it may you that others are trying to get you fired from a job, when in fact the boss is trying to help you keep your job.
Do You Believe In Magic?
Do you believe in magic? I certainly do! I have not only experienced it, I have also been told by several different psychic readers over the years that I am descended from a very long line of witches. This does not really surprise me, as it is a well-known fact that people like me were called witches in our time.
People that were labeled witches were often those that others confided in. They were the sages that others went to for advice from spirit, the ancestors, or the cards, runes, bones, and many other divination traditions.
They were also the healers who cured with herbs and tinctures. Most witches had a sense of what plants and food would aid in healing the body and strengthening the mind.
And they were the mystics who blessed the tribe with rituals and ceremonies, and the prophets who guided the community’s warriors and leaders.
When people don’t understand something, it creates fear. The ‘evil witches’ often also knew too many of the local secrets. So, the witches were branded as malicious and wicked, instead of being appreciated and admired.
They were shunned, ridiculed, and even executed. Common methods were hanging, drowning, and burning at the stake. Burning alive was often favored because it was seen to be a more painful way to die.
But the esoteric wisdom and knowledge was passed down to select members of families and communities for generations by word-of-mouth. Not everyone was trusted with their secrets and not much was written down at that time either, for fear of persecution. But some would rather practice alone to avoid harassment, and much wisdom was lost in the process. Continue reading