The Life Calling Of The Death Doula

The first time I heard of a doula, I had no idea what it meant. I soon discovered that it is a person trained to provide guidance, emotional support, and physical comfort to a mother before, during, and after childbirth.

But little did I know at the time that a doula can also be someone who is of service to dying.  So, a doula may assist us coming into the physical world, as well as leave the physical world. What a wonderful profession to be called to assist in the miracles of birth and death.

As a psychic medium, talking to loved ones who have crossed over, I have come to understand that some people definitely prefer to be alone at the time of death. My own dad was such a person. He made it clear to us this was his dying wish.

Several people kept vigil at his bedside for three weeks, but the moment we all were away to change clothes or eat, was his opportunity to ‘check out.’ As in life so be it in death, my dad was a very private person.

His hospice room was right across from the elevator. When my mother and I stepped off the elevator, I heard my dad take his last breath and I sensed and felt his spirit exit the building. But I also know he was not ‘alone,’ because his loved ones, guides and angels came to greet him.

So, how does an end-of-life doula help with this process? A doula is there to help the family as much as the person passing. It is my belief that it is a deep honor to be present at a birth or a death. I have had the privilege to be present at all three of my granddaughter’s births. I have also been present at several deaths.

Both are times when emotions are running very high. At a birth everyone is anxious until they hear baby’s first cry. They are on edge waiting to hear baby and mother are both fine. A doula can help explain what is going on and answer questions about the birth process.

Having a death doula is helpful when a family has little experience with death or when they are afraid of confronting death ~ Ashley Johnson

Birth is a natural process and so is death. There are different stages that are recognizable in both processes. In my view, if we were taught more about both these aspects of life, we might eliminate some of the fear around coming and leaving the physical world.

Most of us have our first experience with the birth or death of a pet. For me it was the birth of puppies my parents used to breed – cute little Boston Bull Terriers! It was also like a ‘death’ when they were ready to be sent to their new homes.

My next experience was one morning I went to feed my beloved goldfish and found him floating at the top of his bowl. He looked so peaceful, but I instinctively knew he was dead. Being raised a Catholic my mother explained that he was in Heaven. That made it a little easier for a four-year-old. Death was not often talked about in my family. The only statement I heard often was “the only thing you can be sure of in life is death and taxes.”

As a child who saw spirit, I would see apparitions of my deceased grandparents around the house. I thought this was perfectly normal, until I learned not everyone sees such things.

Being a birth doula and a death doula is not a job for everyone. It takes a special person with a calling and great compassion to be able to help families in this way. Some families with emotions running so high that they even argue and act out. It brings out the worst in some people.

If you are feeling the call to become a death doula, now is the time. You can be a part of the movement for education and awareness for death doulas across the globe ~ Erin Coriell

The doula can be a mediator to help calm the situation down. As a hospice volunteer, I know from experience that when the family is doing okay, it is also much easier on the person crossing.

The death doula may also talk with the dying person about spirituality. Another thing they do is help the family understand some of the physical changes that happen to the body. When my mother passed, it was good to understand that the modeling and color changes of the skin were a normal part of the body shutting down.

Death doulas do not provide medical care. They work with the medical and hospice staff as a complementary service. Many doulas work as volunteers, and only some are paid for their services by families, medical institutions, or private and public organizations. Doulas are mainly supportive of the grieving process. In my view they are earth angels with a special calling who deserve our support and lightworkers who deserve our gratitude and appreciation. I thank them for their selfless service.