reflection
Healing From A Relationship Break-Up
Breaking up with someone can be one of the most difficult experiences in life, especially when it is a long and deeply meaningful relationship. It can feel impossible to see any future without that person and very difficult to move on and find joy in life again.
I find many of my clients do not realize that dealing with a break-up or divorce is very similar to processing the bereavement and grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often accompanied by agonizing sorrow, intense feelings of despair, and an all-encompassing sense of loss and confusion.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Tricia Wolanin it is actually “the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was a big part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space.”
It is however possible to recover, heal and move on after any breakup or divorce. In my work I have found the following strategies to be helpful for clients who go through this kind of life challenge.
Avoid Major Life Decisions
It is usually not a good idea to make any important life decisions if you are working through the aftermath of a breakup. This includes changing your job or career, relocating, or making other drastic changes to your life. It is vital to take some time to heal and reflect on the situation before making hasty life-changing decisions that you may later live to regret.
The Spiritual Wisdom Of Solitude
In the age of digital ‘connection,’ we are becoming more socially disconnected than ever before in human history. In fact, loneliness has become a secret epidemic profoundly affecting many people all over the world. A 2022 study of the prevalence of loneliness across 113 countries found that “problematic levels of loneliness are experienced by a substantial proportion of the population in many countries.”
There is strong evidence that loneliness or social isolation is a serious health risk that increases premature death from all causes, similar to smoking, obesity, and lack of exercise. It is also specifically linked to higher rates of heart failure, dementia, depression, anxiety, and suicide.
Loneliness must however not be confused with solitude, which is in fact a powerful aspect of spiritual practice that has been practiced since the dawn of time.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone and isolated, regardless the amount of social contact. In other words, social isolation can cause a sense of loneliness in some of us, but we can also feel intensely lonely without being socially isolated. One can feel lonely even when there are many people present in our life.
Solitude, on the other hand, is the conscious choice to be alone, usually for the purpose of personal reflection, recharging one’s energy, spiritual contemplation, or simply enjoyment of your own company. It’s about purposely choosing to be present with yourself, rather than the lack of social connection.
Walking Two Moons In Their Moccasins
To judge, or not to judge, that is the question. Now, even the least religious of Christians will tell you that it is not a good idea to stand in judgment of others. In fact, Matthew 7:1-5 clearly states: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” However, there is a little-known addition to this spiritual wisdom to be found in John 7:24: ” Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.”
Wait a minute? Did Jesus not instruct us never to judge? Yes, he implored us not to judge, but he also asked us to filter our experiences through the wisdom of spirit, or the eyes of divine love, before making any judgment. Indeed, some sound judgment is necessary in life. If we never judge anything at all, we may potentially become doormats to others. That’s certainly not what any wise spiritual teacher would recommend. But we need to be sensible, humble and kind in the process. We must ask for divine wisdom and guidance when considering what we say to others, as well as ourselves.
Judgment is related to karma and the ‘golden rule,’ in that we receive back what we dish out. This is not good if we hold onto our rigidity, unable to see others’ points of view. But if we open our minds and see it from another’s point of view, then we will more fairly and compassionately balance our judgments. We must remember the Native American wisdom, “Don’t judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.”
We Should Be More Like The Turtle
Most people seldom give themselves permission to take a breather and just relax. As a hypnotherapist, I often see clients for stress relief sessions. In this case, they usually feel it is more justified for them to take some time out, because they are paying for a form of professional healthcare. After all, they made an appointment for the session and their doctor referred them. So, it must be okay.
Many people cannot even relax on a vacation! They feel they absolutely must do all the tourist things, even if they are tired, or the money they spent of the trip will be wasted. Or they feel compelled to spring clean the hotel room, instead of lying on the beach. Only to feel they need a second vacation to recover from the first vacation once they return home.
In the good old days, folks used to simply take a ‘joy ride’ somewhere with no real purpose or destination in mind. They did it purely for the enjoyment and the adventure. It was a standing joke in my family that if you chose to get in a car with my dad, you had better have the entire day off, because you never knew where you would wind up or what time you would get back home.
My kids still reminisce about our family taking a ride during the holidays to see all the Christmas lights and decorated homes. We used to stop for hot chocolate with marshmallows and everyone received a homemade cinnamon candy cane. It was the tradition.
Today, we live in such a busy, fast-paced world in which we feel guilty for taking time to take care of ourselves. But what is more important: the journey or destination? We all need to rest and restore our body, mind, and spirit on a regular basis. Neglecting one’s self-care is a prescription for poor long-term health, and making bad life choices.
Putting Yourself In Time-Out Can Be A Blessing!
When children and teenagers do something that really ticks off their parents, what do they get? Well, they get grounded, or put in time-out, of course! That’s right, kids are given an opportunity to think about the errors of their ways, learn from their mistakes and protect them from their own bad choices.
I remember one day, when I was still a teenager and I was really, really wanting to go out with a frien. She knew a cute boy who just got his own car. They were going to go cruising down this stretch of road that was popular with the local cool kids. I wanted to go so badly, but I got grounded and I was really upset.
But strangely, I also somehow felt relieved that I couldn’t go that day. I sensed that something bad might happen if I did. My mother told me the next day that the boy was tragically killed in an accident with his new car. I would have been with him in the car that night, had I gone out with them. I was only 15 years old at the time, and my life would have been over, or forever changed. I was so glad that my mother grounded me for my own good and that I was still healthy and alive.
I can think of a few times I experienced divine intervention in this way. Since that day there have been several times in my life that I intuitively decided to say no to opportunities, invitations, and even temptations. There are in fact occasions noted in personal journals when I had opted to do something else than was in the offering by way of friends or acquaintances. Later it would become clear that I probably would not have enjoyed myself very much anyway, or I may not have even lived to tell the tale!
Many times, by simply paying attention to the little voice within that says to me, “Get up and leave now,” or acknowledging my negative feelings regarding a certain person, place or situation, I have avoided much trouble in my life.
Start Your Lifetime Of Happiness Today
What does it take to be truly happy? This seemingly simple question is one of the most difficult to answer. As a psychic advisor who has been relaying guidance from spirit for over wo decades, I have come to understand that happiness is determined by several factors. Spirit has repeatedly shown me over the years that true happiness is a holistic thriving of the mind, body, and soul. It is also a unique state of being for every person.
Sometimes people are also more, or less happy than they might realize. And in my experience reading for people all over the world, many folks also have no idea what would truly make them happy. Have you ever asked yourself what makes you happy, or will make you happy? It certainly is not fame and fortune…that much I do know.
In the many relationship and career readings I do, I also find some of my clients tend to put their own needs aside to take care of others. They prioritize other people’s happiness, instead of their own. This is at times very kind and noble, but spirit says it is always important to remember that you matter most in your life, because if you are not happy…you can also not offer others very much for very long.
Too many people give, and give, and compromise, and sacrifice, yet never get much, if anything, in return. Which in turn leaves them feeling empty and miserable to the extent that they are no longer able to be there for themselves, nor anyone else. Taking care of yourself first is not a luxury, but a necessity…and a spiritual duty.
Ask yourself today: Am I happy? If the answer is ‘no’ or ‘not sure’ then ask yourself why? What seems missing? Which of your needs are not being met? When was the last time you felt content or fulfilled, and why? Carefully consider what changes you can make in your life to fill in your happiness gap. This might seem silly or simplistic, but do give it some thought…you might just surprise yourself.
A Cheater Is Never ‘The One’
I have been doing love and relationship readings for over 30 years now…and one thing I have learned is that staying in a toxic, soul-crushing relationship with a partner who is cheating never ends well.
I am clairvoyant and therefore able to remote view the lives of my clients. I can see, for example, if there are other women around someone’s husband or boyfriend.
Sadly, whenever this kind of information comes up in a reading, I find some clients refuse to accept the truth of their situation. They are often in denial and believe that their unfaithful partner or spouse will change his ways.
In readings, I also analyze the couple’s astrological compatibility and their romance and marriage aspects – which oftentimes further indicates their partner came into this incarnation with a predisposition for infidelity, polygamy, sex addiction, and so on.
As a seasoned love psychic, I can assure you the best thing most people in such a relationship can do for themselves is to get out of it! Never settle for less than you deserve in a relationship. If you are currently doing that, reflect on your self-worth. Self-respect is impossible without self-love.
Indeed, no relationship is perfect, and it always requires commitment, dedication, hard work, compromise and at times even some personal sacrifice. But this should never include being okay with infidelity and dishonesty. Cheating should be a dealbreaker, no matter what.