friend
How To Be A Good Friend
I just read a blog written by a spiritual person feeling angry and lonely. She had reached out to a trusted friend, but the friend only wanted to talk about her own problems. And when she did pay some attention to her plight, the best the friend could offer was to be judgmental and unsympathetic. The author then also reached out for support on a social media group for spiritually aware people. Again, all of the members did the same thing her friend did: they judged!
The woman was having problems with her abusive neighbor and many people on the forum were giving advice for her to leave. They told her to move, find a better place to live, relocate. “Moving is 100% your choice,” one person commented. The first thing I thought was no, it isn’t. This particular woman, for example, had bought the house and had put a lot of money into renovating the house. She would need to sell, at a time when not many things are selling, and possibly suffer a significant financial loss.
Some even told her to get more exercise, so that she can relax and focus on other things. They told her she was responsible for her own choice of reactions and feelings in the situation. The only insensitive, stereotypical thing they didn’t say was to take a breath and calm down. Don’t you just hate it when someone says that? It does everything, but calm you down!
The people responding, in their judgment, needed to feel superior. It was about them, not her. Her responses were defensive, understandably. I felt by her response, they made her feel more lonely. Poor woman.
Inspiration In A Time Of Crisis
During this time of the coronavirus lockdown in Spain, I realize that I am fortunate, and for this I am very grateful. For example, I already work from home and I am also accustomed to a certain amount of social isolation, for reasons of choice, at least for the time being.
Furthermore, I can do and buy the necessary. Here in Spain, we are allowed to go out for necessities, to help the vulnerable, and to walk our dogs, but we are encouraged to keep our distance from others and make shopping a swift event. Again, getting shopping done as quickly as possible has always been my preference anyway!
But, even I am aware of missing the occasional coffee in town with a friend, or being able to travel back to the place I moved from last year, to have lunch with a special friend there. Where I live, people are very social and tactile, and interact at any given occasion. They love to meet at their neighbors’ homes, or in bars and restaurants, which are all currently closed.
I have been thinking how this situation might go one of two ways for many families, currently cooped up in small homes or apartments. They could become very frustrated, especially if there are small children confined in a small space. Or, they might get very creative with how to use their time, as well as appreciating being able to spend time with one another and their pets.
Soul Group Zen Connections
I love when you meet a new friend and they are on the same wavelength. It usually feels like you have known them forever and you can just talk for hours, completely losing track of time. Time does fly when we connect with those who are in the same soul group.
I recently had the rare experience of talking with someone who, like me, is also intuitive, emphatic, sensitive, and loves the Tarot and crystals. It was a blessing and rare opportunity to talk to someone with whom I have so much in common on a spiritual level.
We soon discovered that we have both learned to set up healthy boundaries in our lives, including with our in-laws. We also lived in the same city for the first five years of our lives. There are also many other personal things we have in common.
I call this state of resonance with someone or something ‘to be in zen.’ When we are in zen with someone, we are connecting with a kindred spirit. It happens smoothly and easily, as our energy is in alignment with our own truth and theirs. No hang-ups, no snares, no issues, no resistance.
I also believe we are divinely guided towards those who share our soul group. Like attracts like, and this creates a positive domino effect with everything just smoothly energized and aligned. Our health, happiness, well-being benefit from it on all levels.
My Spirit Guide once put it to me like this and it makes perfect sense: “When you go through life not recharged or reenergized, you tend to not connect well spiritually.” There are many ways to recharge our spiritual batteries, including meditation, a healthy lifestyle, being charitable, and so on.
Ignoring The Signs In Matters Of The Heart
Many years ago, while consoling my best friend after a major breakup, it came to me that she was doing everything possible to continue holding on to what Spirit was removing from her life.
Sitting next to her, as she held on to her laptop hoping to find her lover’s name amidst emails, was like witnessing a tragedy. It was a heartbreak that most of us will experience at some point in our lives, either directly or indirectly.
After a year-long courtship, the ‘man of her dreams’ suddenly began to distance himself without any explanation. The calls became less, the frequent text messages disappeared, and there were no longer any plans on the calendar for their usual weekend outings.
I offered my friend a shoulder to cry on, and searched my mind for the appropriate, most comforting words to speak, but I could feel her gradually pulling away. All that mattered to her at that moment was establishing a deeper connection with her missing-in-action lover.
My friend resisted my recommendation to slow down, to find her center, and most of all… to let go. Instead, she suddenly bolted from her chair, threw on her coat and scarf, and fled the scene.
Several hours later, I received a frantic call from her. While parked outside of her boyfriend’s apartment, she saw him leave with his arm around another woman. Apparently, it was very clear from their mutual displays of affection, that he was in love with someone else.
Months went by, with my friend still holding on to the false hope that her love would someday return. Meanwhile, several very nice men attempted to get her attention, but she turned down each and every one. She even received a lucrative job offer, that came with a coveted geographical relocation, but she refused it. She turned her back on this amazing opportunity for fear of moving too far away from her ex.
Connecting With Deceased Loved Ones
When a loved one dies, it is never easy. It is always traumatic to lose someone who we have lived with, taken care of, loved and nurtured – be it a partner, spouse, parent, sibling, relative or friend. The feeling of them suddenly no longer being here can be devastating. Even their little quirks, which sometimes annoyed you when they were alive, is forever missed. We suddenly miss everything about them!
Thankfully, the spirit of those we love remain very much alive after their passing. Despite the ‘vehicle they drove around in,’ namely their physical body, may no longer be around, their spirit is still around. They can hear and see us, and they can feel our emotions.
I can tell you that when we call our loved one’s name, they are with us. When we pray for them, they appreciate it. Greatly. The two best things you can do is pray for your loved ones and say their name out loud. Continue to talk to them. And when you talk to them, they respond through sending you thoughts and signs. They also come to us in the dream state when we are sleeping. Write them a letter and put it under your pillow, and try to remember your astral travels the next day.
Your loved ones are never far from you. Love is the energy that keeps us connected with our loved ones. Sometimes they will give you a little visit. Remember to ask and you shall receive. Knock and that door will open.
Friendship And The Empath
Friends are a wonderful addition to our lives. In some cases they even take the place of family of origin, and become our chosen family. A healthy friendship is a balanced one – give and take, trust, loyalty, acceptance and truth delivered with compassion. Unfortunately, for the empath, friendship can also be treacherous territory, sometimes rife with debbie downers, energy thieves, and psychic vampires.
There are different levels of friendship, from casual social friendships to those we call ‘best friends.’ These best friends are ones with whom we feel safe sharing our deepest secrets, fears, hopes and dreams.
Social media has made it much easier in recent years to connect with friends. With a click of the keyboard a new friend can be made or an old acquaintance rekindled. Social media sites have even recognized the importance of providing the choice of putting people into the appropriate category, such as people from work or close friends. People can be also unfriended, blocked or reported if they are out of bounds, and what is seen publicly by our friends can be limited.
Releasing Toxic People In Your Life
Every person has at some point in their life had a person in their life whom they believed had their best interests at heart. Yet, that person blind-sided them by doing or saying something to knock them off kilter. This happens to the best of us.
Often we continue to believe that this person will change, that they are our true friend. But they might just be using us, and we allow it. They might take from us, and we allow it. They might advance themselves because of something we did, and then when the roles or positions are reversed, they will let greed and ego take over and knock us to our knees.
This kind of thing happens in life and in relationships all the time. I do not feel any of us is totally exempt from this – whether we were the one being used, or the one using someone else.