Your Soulmate Buddy Is A Keeper!

This year I have been hearing of more friendships ending like never before. I believe there may be a cosmic influence at play which currently prompts the clearing out of the old to let in the new.

I have witnessed this trends also in a couple of my own friendships, which initially I thought would last a life-time, but they ended quite suddenly. In hindsight those friendships ended in my best interest, and who knows, perhaps in the best interest of the other parties too.

One such friendship was very toxic all the way through, but I now realize that I was probably enabling this friend, both on the phone and in person, by always being available to her. Meanwhile, she had been bad mouthing me and spreading vicious rumors about my personal life and my relationship with my father. This cut me deeply in the end, but I was only too glad that my dad, who was still alive at the time, never got to hear any of this. He would have been devastated that something so evil could be fabricated about me.

Her inappropriate and harmful behavior had been going on long before our association ended. I never imagined someone’s imagination could be so sordid? I guess I should thank her for the lessons, which have made me stronger now. I think back to the times she would correct my speech and, in hindsight just because I didn’t study elocution like she did, it was never that bad. In hindsight, I was realize I was foolish for allowing her to do that! She also loaned me a self-help book, which I then discovered had my name written throughout it in her handwriting, stating that I was the only person who had ever been there for her. Scary, because she obviously wanted me to see what she’d written!

Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another ~ Eustace Budgell

I recall another experience in which there were signs and a gut feeling I had about a friendship. I was uncomfortable with one particular friend of several years. I was even told unexpectedly by an acquaintance, “Didn’t you know she is jealous of you?” To which I responded, “Don’t be silly.” I was to find out three years later that her jealousy did indeed run deep, to the point of resentment when someone else was giving me some help.

The friendship ended with her begging me to stay in the friendship, but I couldn’t. I somehow felt that in order to be true to myself, and to realize my own true spiritual potential, that it was healthier, perhaps for both of us, for me to walk away from her ego judgment. In hindsight, I don’t feel she even knew me at all. I guess when we witness a ‘friend’ constantly bad-mouthing others, it would be silly to expect they are going to return our loyalty.

And so, when I hear clients telling of their hurt or disappointment with a friendship gone sour, my heart does go out to them. I then try and help them see deeper into what value the friendship may have brought them in terms of a life lesson. One thing I have noticed, whenever I ask clients if they had a ‘gut feeling’ in terms of that friend being authentic, they always say that they had their doubts all along, or that there was an element of discomfort in being with that person. I identify with them, because I always felt that too – right here in my gut, but always wanted to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

Such breakdown of friendships can leave us floored and drained, even when there have been signs for some time. People often say they have loads of wonderful friends. But are they friends, acquaintances or fair-weather friends? I feel a true friend will take the shirt off their back for their best buddy, and a fair-weather friend becomes scarce when trouble shows up at your door.

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Some say childhood friendships are the only ones that truly last. In my case my special and most dearest friend came into my life later, rather than sooner. We couldn’t be more different, but for me at least I feel we are ‘soulmate buddies.’ When I relocated to another continent a few years ago, leaving her was heart-breaking, but we both knew it had to be. For ages prior to the final move, I had dreaded saying goodbye to her.

A soulmate friend is one who might be completely different to you in all aspects, including age. My soulmate friend is radically different from, academically and in her lifestyle, but there is that ‘knowing’ between us. We hit it off from the start and we have shared many ups and downs, and belly laughs, like I never have with anybody else. I know I have even driven her somewhat crazy sometimes, but she has always been there for me, if not in person, at least from a geographical distance.  Should you be lucky enough to find your soulmate buddy – know that they are a keeper!