self-love
Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
The Key To Healing Your Relationship
Our emotions and feelings are not always perceptions that originate within. Many are caused by external events or outer circumstances. For example, a motivational speech can lift you up, while a scolding can bring you down. So too can a healthy, or toxic relationship.
Much of our modern lifestyle is based on our reactive feelings to external influences. Social media influencers, popular culture and news sources tell us how we should feel, but do we really know what is going on in our heart? Marilyn Manson expresses this modern dilemma brilliantly in the song Coma White:
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself
In my experience, the reason there are so many dysfunctional relationships and broken marriages these days is the fact that many of us no longer know our own true feelings.
We are all the result of life experience. Experience is what gives us knowledge of success, or failure. The only person you can change, or whose behavior you can alter, is yourself. Every other thing follows suit. That is how we heal our relationships. We must lead by example.
Changing Your Think-Feel-Act Cycle
There is a popular saying, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” And since everything is energy, we often forget how true this is and how it plays out in our lives. We can be stuck in the same groove without noticing it. And then we think, where has time gone, and maybe it’s too late to change?
The good news is, as long as we are still breathing, it’s never too late to change, or to choose differently to create a different outcome.
All things in the Universe is energy vibrating at various frequencies, and so does our thoughts. This is highly relevant in the think-feel-act cycle of our mind-body connection. Our thoughts have an effect on our feelings, and then our actions, which ultimately produce outcome in our lives.
Our thoughts and feelings can even affect our body and physical health, as well as how a situation will play out in our relationships, finances, daily habits and lifestyle choices.
In relationships, it’s important to look at how we view ourselves first, as it has a direct relationship on how others will react to us. How we think, feel and act can make a big difference in relationship outcomes with friends, lovers, co-workers and family.
Integrating With 5th Dimension Energies
Our world is undergoing a spiritual detox, and it has been putting immense pressure on everyone to take a leap of faith into the fifth dimension of love… or continue living at a lower vibration in the third dimension of ego.
The people who are choosing to elevate themselves at this time, or in the future, may be experiencing ascension symptoms that range from feeling exhausted, confused, physically sick, overly emotional, and disconnected. This is to be expected, since you are cleansing yourself of things, places or people you no longer identify with.
Those who are stuck in the third dimension thrive on creating drama, are typically narcissistic, and have an aura that is muddled in color. They tend to resort to mind games in relationships and have a difficult time being honest about their intentions. Third dimensional people also go along with the crowd, need to be accepted by others incessantly and develop codependent, toxic relationships.
Third dimensional people also tend to be two-faced, because they have more difficulty integrating the darkness-light polarity within them. Those who are empathetic or intuitive generally sense their energy being depleted when around third dimensional people, so it’s best to keep your distance and say no when necessary.
The Need For Empath Self-Care
In times of great stress an empath may neglect their own needs in favor of others, and start to lose the unique perspective they bring to the world.
Since most empaths, by their very nature, want to help others, finding a balance between using their gifts, while practicing self-care, can be tricky. Simply put, it’s easy in these times for empathic people to become overwhelmed.
Empaths feel the energies of the world much stronger than others, and can pick up on the subtle changes in the emotions and intentions of those around them. The empath serves as both a mirror and a prism to the world and its energies. Being an empath feels as if your ‘personal filter’ has been turned off, and naturally, there are many things in our noisy, hectic world that can trigger empaths.
Whether it be the chaos of others arguing or fighting; the feeling of getting lost in a crowd; the sense that others are being phony or inauthentic; or just too much on one’s emotional plate all at once; the empath may begin to withdraw, or even shut off from the rest of the world, when it all becomes too much.
Think of an empath’s ability to pick up on energies like a motion-alarm system which is constantly being tripped by any form of movement or activity. In this case the motions are the energies, emotions, and forces which shape our world. The empath has to deal with the stresses of this constant barrage.
Not only is the empath surrounded in modern society by constant incoming sensory stimuli: flickering images, flashing lights, loud music, conversations, and ambient noise, but also moving in though an ocean of all kinds of good and bad energy. Finding time and space to shut off all the noise, and block out all the negative energies, needs to be part of an empath’s daily self-care routine.
The Inevitable Misery Of Clinging To Your Partner
If you wonder how a life of destruction, misery and unhappiness is most easily produced, then the answer is: through clinging. Whatever we won’t let go of, or ease up on, will eventually choke us to death, or vice versa.
Immediately note here how something in us resists these words. Some anxious, unresolved, threatened feeling rears its ugly head in defiance, declaring we will not release or ‘let go’ of anything or anyone we don’t want to. Ah! But we will, because nothing lasts forever – least of all those relationships we so dearly depend upon, or identify with, for our happiness and survival.
The reason we are often so defensive about letting go of a failed relationship, is because the seeds of doubt have usually begun to sprout, bringing with them a host of trees which bear fruit of uncertainty. We were originally driven by the thrill of a newfound excitement, but that thrill has slowly begun to change into a dreaded familiarity.
With familiarity the edges of contempt soon show themselves in minuscule ways in our discontent. We try to smile more broadly, laugh a little harder, with added sincerity, but the prickly thorns have begun the wear and tear the fabric of our make-believe, bliss-soaked relationship.
Desire always precedes the anxiety of being able to maintain a relationship’s relevant importance. Uncontrolled, unconscious desire changes frequently, without our approval or consent. We can easily recognize it when we have the inclination to change things in other people. Misery soon follows, as we allow expectation to enter the frame of reference, with our subtle demands. No good.
Stay In The Light
During these challenging times, it is essential to stay in the light. It protects your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical health. How do you ‘stay in the light?’ You achieve it by maintaining a raised energy vibration in a time of extreme darkness. It means you don’t get sucked into other people’s drama, darkness, fear and toxicity. You don’t allow yourself to get weighed down by the negativity in the world around you.
Staying in the light doesn’t mean you don’t have an opinion or strong personal views, or that you are not aware, supportive and caring, or that you don’t get involved in the world around you when it truly matters. It simply means you always take care of yourself, while you are doing whatever it is that you need to do every day. Staying in the light is about making self-care a priority.
Staying in the light is about psychic shielding and setting boundaries where and when necessary. For example, avoiding toxic people and environments is one of the best things you can do to stay in the light. You have no obligation to tolerate and accommodate toxic people and energy thieves!
If you work with toxic people, don’t listen to the office gossip and don’t get sucked into their negative world. Also, don’t show them that they may be upsetting, or hurting you. Take a deep breath, call on your inner strength, and simply smile. Own your personal power – you are much stronger than you may realize.
Stay away from social media, if you are easily overwhelmed by negativity. For the first time in human history, we now have the technology to instantly access the opinions, fears, false beliefs and negative experiences of every human being who has access to a keyboard or smart phone. We are confronted daily with the pain, hysterics and drama of thousands of people, all at once!