Love Bombing: When Romance Has Ulterior Motives

A client recently called me for a reading about a handsome, incredibly charming man she had met online. She was positively glowing as she described him. He works on an oil rig, she said, with a highly lucrative income and promising career advancement.

But what really lit her up was his love for her.

“He’s crazy about me!” she beamed.

She explained that they have long, dreamy conversations every day about the life they planned to build together. He told her she was everything he had been searching for, and promised her a future filled with abundance and romance once they finally meet in person.

In the meantime, he sends her cards and flowers, floods her inbox with love notes, and makes her feel worshipped and adored.

But the moment I started the reading, the message that came through was crystal clear: betrayal, deceit, dishonesty. Tactfully, I shared what I was seeing. I told her, with as much care as I could, that I didn’t believe this man was who he claimed to be, and that his intentions were not pure.

She paused for a moment. “What do you mean? He even asked me to keep $100,000 in my bank account for him! That proves he trusts me.”

That’s when spirit pressed me to ask the crucial question: What about the other money? She hesitated. “Oh… that…yeah. There was a $13,000 transfer fee I had to pay on my end.”

Abusers are notorious for rushing the first stage of intimacy, something that’s often described by survivors as a kind of ‘love-bombing’. This phase is electric and full of promise. Survivors commonly recall being swept off their feet by a man more passionately interested in them than anyone had ever been before ~ Jess Hill

I told her again that I was being shown a pattern of love-bombing: a hidden agenda cloaked in flattery and grand gestures. Again, she went very quiet. Then, suddenly, she ended the call. I never heard from her again.

Even so, my conscience was clear. As a spiritual advisor, I am both professionally and morally bound to speak the truth I see, even when it’s not what the client wants to hear.

Understanding Love-Bombing

But are all love-bombers bad? Not necessarily. And not all love bombers are romance scammers. People engage in love-bombing for various reasons, and while some intentions may be malicious, others are simply unaware of the impact of their intensity.

If you’re in the early stages of a relationship and find yourself wondering if your new love interest is maybe going too far with their displays of affection, it’s worth pausing to consider their true motives. Their feelings might be sincere…or they might not be.

So, why do people love-bomb?

Need For Control: Some love bombers use this tactic deliberately to gain control. By overwhelming their partner with affection, attention, grand promises and future-faking, they create emotional investment and dependency. This makes it harder for the other person to set boundaries, which are an essential foundation for any healthy relationship.

Exploitation & Manipulation: In more calculated cases, love-bombing may be a form of grooming driven by ulterior and often sinister motives. By quickly building an intense romantic connection, the love-bomber can pave the way for easy financial exploitation, emotional manipulation, or access to a more affluent lifestyle or an immigration visa.

Narcissism & Low Self-Esteem: Some love-bomb because they’re insecure or possess sociopathic or narcissistic traits. They crave control and validation. For these individuals, affection isn’t about love; it’s about feeding an unmet emotional need.

Thrill Of The Chase: Over the years, I’ve seen people love-bomb simply for the excitement of “winning” someone over. Once that goal is achieved, however, their interest fades and they move on to the next conquest, leaving confusion and heartbreak in their wake.

Fear Of Abandonment: Some love-bomb out of fear of abandonment, desperately clinging to a fast-moving connection to avoid the loneliness they dread.

Lack Of Self-Awareness: They may like you genuinely but have no idea that their intensity is overwhelming. To them, their actions feel like love: generous, expressive, and romantic.

Romantic Idealism & Loneliness: Someone who hasn’t dated in a while might jump into a new relationship too quickly, projecting fantasies onto their partner and becoming emotionally invested too soon. Their intentions may not be harmful, but the fallout can still be painful when reality doesn’t live up to the dream.

Spiritual Guidance For Dealing With Love Bombing

While some people are initially flattered by all the attention, love-bombing often leads to emotional confusion, dependency, loss of identity, and even social isolation. The good news is that there are powerful spiritual tools you can use to navigate this experience and reclaim your clarity and power.

Connect with your higher self. The first step is to discern whether your connection is rooted in authentic love or manipulation. Meditation, intuitive journaling, or simply tuning into your intuition will help reveal the truth.

Develop your sense of self-worth. Create a daily self-love practice. When you are filled with self-love, you’re far less likely to be swayed by grand gestures or sweet words. Remember, your worth is not dependent on someone else’s attention.

Don’t rush love. True love unfolds at the right time. Be open, but also observant. Do their words consistently align with their actions? A steady pace allows the truth of a connection to reveal itself.

Set and protect your boundaries. From the beginning, express your desire for an organic relationship. A sincere partner will honor your pace. A love bomber, on the other hand, may try to push past your limits.

Stay connected to your social support network. Isolation is one of the most telling signs of toxic manipulation. Never let a new relationship pull you away from your trusted friends and family. As social veings, we thrive in community, and our support system offers invaluable clarity.

Be wary of the “victim” narrative. Some love bombers present themselves as perpetual victims of past relationships or life’s hardships. This can be a subtle manipulation tactic to gain sympathy and control. Liste to their stories using your intuition. Your intuition is your spiritual GPS, always guiding you toward truth.

Above all, remember that you are not here to fix anyone. Their healing is their responsibility, not yours.

If you suspect you’re being love-bombed or feel a relationship has become manipulative or controlling, trust your intuition and take appropriate action. You deserve love that is honest, steady, and rooted in mutual respect, kindness, truth and sincerity.