self-doubt
How To Remain Grateful
In our daily life, it is all too easy to lose sight of the good things. We tend to get lost in negativity and stress, and we are also affected by the opinions and drama of those around us. At times it can be overwhelming.
In these moments we lose our sense of spiritual awareness and connection. I often speak with clients who experience exactly this. Indeed, it takes practice and re-commitment on a daily basis, in order to maintain our balance and inner peace, and remain true to our beliefs and mantras.
One of our own worst enemies is actually our false beliefs about ourselves. It is so easy to allow self-doubt to take over and let the negative thoughts creep in. Self-worth is a daily challenge for most, if not all of us.
To remain grounded and positive, I find that doing my daily gratitude list really helps get me back to that spiritual place within. When you are feeling low, or have had a stressful day, try keeping the following set of reminders posted as a list on your fridge, or somewhere you can see it daily. It will help change your focus.
What am I grateful for today? Who or what made my life easier or better today?
Did I allow negativity to affect me today? How can I remain grounded and avoid that next time?
Is there a better way I can deal with that difficult person or situation?
Feeling Like You’re Not Good Enough
Sometimes we put our heart and soul into a relationship, only to get cheated on, or dumped for no reason. The main question that usually comes to mind in this type of situation is, “Why am I not good enough?”
Take a moment and consider the relationships of relatives and friends, who have gone through similar a experience. Some people are able to jump right up and move forward, while others sit and wallow in self-doubt and self-loathing – sometimes for years.
Working with many people over the years, one of the biggest eye openers for me has been that it is typically the partner who is left behind, and then struggles to move forward, who compromised the most in the relationship. They usually gave, and gave, and gave, and didn’t receive much in return. Their needs always took a backseat in the relationship. They would sacrifice more and more, until there was nothing left for them to give, while their partner did not change and simply kept using and abusing them.
If you constantly compromise on what you really want from a relationship, the union will at some point simply disintegrate. The other person is never going to magically become someone different. That person you hoped they would become, after you moved in, or after you gave a little more, or after you married them, or after you had a child with them…never shows up. What you see in someone from the start, is simply who they are.
Showing Up When Spirit Calls
Many years ago, while working in a clinical practice, I was called to lead a group of women who were survivors of domestic abuse. At that time, my role within the organization was strictly administrative. I had no clinical experience and quite frankly had serious misgivings about how well these women would be served through our agency’s poorly-funded, piecemeal program with severe limitations.
As we were on the verge of losing our contract altogether, the executive director burst into my office one morning and announced that I would be the interim director of the domestic violence program, in order to save the contract. I sat motionless, with a look of deep concern on my face.
Before I could respond verbally, my executive director began reviewing a county contract that outlined the qualifications of the new program director. As she flipped through the pages of the lengthy contract, my hope was that somewhere in bold writing there might be a job description that required a clinical background in Psychology or Social Work, but this was not the case.
I recall that same day reaching out to my dear friend and confidant, a fellow psychic and spiritual counselor who always helped me find clarity, especially when I felt completely lost in a situation. While my friend’s words were comforting and reassuring, she also shocked me out of my comfort zone. I wanted to hear from her an easy way to get out of my new job assignment, but she announced that I had a calling to help a group of women whose lives desperately needed to be changed.
Take Back Your Power!
Everyone has a story to tell about their love life. And some of have extremely abusive stories to tell. One common element that I have come across frequently in my work, is the fact that some people are treated with disrespect and emotional abuse, and yet they are still patiently waiting for the abuser to return to them!
When you ask them why, it is usually because they “still love” that person. Well, that is not love. It is simply an imagined need that has been created by the abuser, or by one’s lack of self-worth. It is a psychological illusion, not real.
If you are still waiting for someone to come back into your life, after they left you for someone else, you are making yourself the second choice. You are degrading your own true value and taking away from your self-worth.
During a workshop I presented on this subject, I asked the participants to write down why they felt they needed that other person in their life. In essence, all their responses ended up being about lack of self-esteem, self-respect and self-security.
The next step was to ask them how they would you feel if they saw someone treating their daughter, or son, in the same way they have been allowing the abusive partner to treat them? They all said they wouldn’t tolerate it. They would intervene and get that person out of their lives, or at least try. One of the delegates even went as far as to say, “I would lock her in the house and never let her out again.” Which might be a great idea under the circumstances, but obviously not realistic!
Thank You For Leaving Me
Heartbreak is never easy. I have heard the words, “But I love him,” so many times after a break-up. I have also heard, “No one can replace her.” I have even heard, “I’ll never even think about another person in this way, or even try to find someone new.”
Who is this mindset hurting? Look at the reality of it. It’s not hurting the other person, who walked out on the relationship. They walked out for a reason. Often they have also moved on with someone new. The only person being hurt, by hanging on, is the person hanging on.
I have also heard, “She is my soulmate,” or “He is my twin flame.” Well, if they are not on the same page as you in this lifetime, and not committed to making the relationship work, then they are not your soulmate, or twin flame. It takes a commitment from both parties.
Love is subjective. Love has to be equal from both people involved. However, when only one has their heart and soul invested, it will never last. If someone is able to walk out on the first argument, it is definitely not meant to be. If there is ever disrespect, it is also not meant to be.
I have also been at this place in my life. I was devastated when my husband walked out. I thought I had failed, but then I realized the truth. The marriage was over long before this happened. The equality of feelings was long gone, and respect was non-existent. He controlled what I did, even how I thought at times, and was wreaking havoc on my self-esteem.
Overcoming The Trials Of Spiritual Transformation
Major setbacks and challenges in our lives can lead to a ‘crisis in faith.’ However, as much as they may seem like unjust setbacks, they’re actually about transcending major hurdles for the purpose of spiritual growth. In truth, these moments of adversity are evidence of an impending, giant step forward within our emerging consciousness. Cherish them.
For those of us who guide others coming into their spiritual power, it is important to understand the significance of these signs, so as to not misinterpret them. That said, it’s not easy for those undergoing these symptoms, which can include feelings of being in limbo, doubtful and depressed, often creating rifts with family and friends. All of these signposts are marking the path for spiritual transformation in the now. For example, if you catch yourself having moments of letting go consciously of self-limiting negativities, that is letting you know that you’re right on track. Honor them.
It’s not unusual for an emerging lightworker to suddenly let go of family and friends whom they no longer resonate with, or to undergo a career change which formerly would have been inconceivable. One becomes less concerned with matters of everyday security, often feeling that the cultural values we have been taught are nothing but an illusion. Or, some may feel they are in mourning, as though something or someone has died – which is a actually an apt description. Indeed, it’s a death of priorities and loss of all meaningless ties. As a result, it’s not a loss at all. Rather, it’s marking the path of self-sufficiency.
For me, it often goes something like this: “Hmmm, I’m feeling a bit restless. Is there something I should be pursuing? Is there a calling I’m missing?” The answer usually comes as I wait on more information with intention. I call it WOO: Waiting On Orders. Although the ‘orders’ may not come immediately, sooner or later, I am back on my path in the direction indicated by the objectives my higher good is setting out for my next challenge in the spiritual growth process. Be aware of them.
The Importance Of Self-Trust
Of all the relationships in our life, none is more complicated or important than the one we have with self. And the cornerstone of this relationship is self-trust. Unfortunately, it is easy to damage the trust we place in ourselves. Why? Because all of us have or will make choices and decisions that don’t produce the desired outcome.
A relationship fails and we blame or question ourselves; a job opportunity eludes us; or a friendship fractures beyond repair. We lose self-trust when we don’t achieve a goal, whatever that goal may be. Then we may begin to question our own abilities, our dreams, and our worthiness to have them manifest in our life.
Every time we replay an event we label a failure the doubt in our own judgment and our self-worth increases. Self-confidence stems from self-trust, so the cycle can be a vicious one.
So, how can we repair self-trust? First, decide to give yourself a break. You made what you believed to be the best decision or choice in the moment. If you are saying, “No, I didn’t, I know I should have done…,” then stop and choose to forgive yourself for not trusting your instincts in that moment. Holding a grudge against yourself only assures that the pattern will repeat.
Next, decide to honor your emotions. If you have made choices and decisions that you perceive as a failure, then the tendency is to begin to substitute the opinions of others over our own intuition, desires and dreams. This pattern can lead to co-dependency, confusion and fear. Self-trust is harnessed when we follow our sacred wisdom, instead of looking outside ourselves to provide inner peace.