emotions
To The Beat Of My Own Drum
I am in the process of moving home. While going through years of stored stuff in the attic of my old home, I found a Christmas gift that my parents gave me around the age of four. It was a little drum, intact, with sticks to play to the beat of my young heart. I am sure there were many times my parents thoroughly regretted buying a four-year-old a drum to bang on!
To my surprise, throughout the house, I also found a total of eleven more drums. All different sizes and kinds. And it is safe to say I can still make a joyful noise with each one (although my family might consider this debatable).
In the summer we spend a lot of time at Camp Etna, one of the spiritualist camps here in Maine. We have two small cottages here – one that we live in, and another I use as my office. Some of the drums I found are kept in the office cottage, for my clients to enjoy.
Why the obsession with drums, you may ask? Well, drumming has always been a form of great stress relief for me. You can release pent up emotions, by beating the drum as hard or soft as you wish. It feels good to express yourself through the primal beat. Moving to the sound of the beat seems to make doing most tasks easier. Drumming is just plain old-fashioned fun, and people around the world have been moving to the sound of drums since the beginning of time.
Drums are also a very useful spiritual tool. In energy work, for example, I use drums to get in touch with the heartbeat. We also host a drumming circle here, at least once a week. Young and old come out to participate, and everyone in the area is invited. It is a spiritual activity that helps to unite the community. One person sets the intention, and the beat for the circle, and then all join in. It is wonderful to see the smiles and joy the drumbeat brings to faces.
Anyone can learn to play the drum. With people being at home much more these days, if you have always had the desire to learn to play and instrument, it is a good time to try the drums. With all the information technology we have these days, there are many courses and tutorials available online for one to learn drumming techniques in the comfort of your home.
Retrograde Aromatherapy
I am very relieved that Mercury is turning direct today, since this recent retrograde has affected me a lot as an empath during these challenging times. Mars will also be turning direct again next week, after a two month retrograde that has left many of us feeling low in energy, demotivated, and struggling to take any real action in our lives. Fortunately, I have now found a useful tool in curbing the effects of retrogrades: essential oils and aromatherapy. This is something that has always been available to me, but I never before considered using in the context of such astrological influences. But now that I have tried it, and it worked, I will be much better prepared next time around!
I am no astrologer, but I do thankfully have access to some very talented ones in my circle of friends, and I received this very helpful advice from one such a friend when I was complaining to her recently about the effects of all the recent retrogrades on my emotional health and well-being. She suggested that my interest in essential oils could be very helpful to support my emotional energy during any major astrological events. I had never before thought of blending and diffusing oils specifically aimed at balancing retrograde energy, but I liked the idea. So, I have been experimenting a lot lately with ‘retrograde aromatherapy.’
There are some common energy themes that are present during retrogrades. For example, a feeling of being at loose ends, or a sudden shift in emotions, often followed by unexpected or unwelcome events. A retrograde is usually a time for us to ground ourselves and focus on unfinished tasks. It is also a time to evaluate our lives and choices, as well as our careers and relationships, whilst managing our erratic emotions.
A retrograde is often a time of upheaval, change and transition. Feeling peaceful, centered, clear and confident during a retrograde can therefore be very useful. To help achieve this I can recommend using some of my favorite oils. Some are maybe less well-known, but you may consider exploring their uses and benefits.
Clary sage
The oil of this flowering herb is wonderful for inspiring clarity and confidence, and is also excellent at soothing intense emotions. For me, it has quite a strong scent and I therefore prefer not to diffuse this oil on its own, but that is a matter of personal preference.
Take Advantage Of Today’s New Moon Energy
Along with the Full Moon, the New Moon is one of the most defining phases of the lunar cycle, because the Sun, Moon and Earth are all in perfect alignment during this phase. This month’s New Moon occurs today, in the mid-morning hours, while the Dark Moon happened last night. Both phases are potent to utilize intentionally.
The lunar phases are known to affect the ocean tides and all water on the Earth. Similarly, in Astrology, the Moon represents everything associated with the water element, such as our mood, emotions and dreams. The Moon in our natal chart also shapes the blueprint of our inherent skills, gifts, talents, and psychic abilities.
Since ancient times, the lunar cycle has been utilized as a tool for conscious creating, manifesting and spiritual practice. In the case of the New Moon, the Moon find itself directly between the Earth and the Sun. It reaches a point when it becomes totally ‘dark,’ with no sunlight illuminating it at all. The Moon then emerges again as a tiny sliver of light, known as the New Moon.
The transition into the New Moon actually presents us with two powerful points of lunar energy to work with – both the Dark Moon’s total blackout, and New Moon’s re-illumination.
The Dark Moon is a short but powerful time for soul-searching. It is the deep ‘cocoon phase,’ before the shell of rebirth cracks open. It represents a moment of release of that which is no longer serving us. The Dark Moon is the ideal time to enter into stillness, re-evaluate goals, and plant new seeds of desire. The darkness is a potent point of creativity. Pay close attention to any dreams or visions you may had in the past 24 hours. It is worth being very intentional at this time of the month.
Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
The Key To Healing Your Relationship
Our emotions and feelings are not always perceptions that originate within. Many are caused by external events or outer circumstances. For example, a motivational speech can lift you up, while a scolding can bring you down. So too can a healthy, or toxic relationship.
Much of our modern lifestyle is based on our reactive feelings to external influences. Social media influencers, popular culture and news sources tell us how we should feel, but do we really know what is going on in our heart? Marilyn Manson expresses this modern dilemma brilliantly in the song Coma White:
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself
In my experience, the reason there are so many dysfunctional relationships and broken marriages these days is the fact that many of us no longer know our own true feelings.
We are all the result of life experience. Experience is what gives us knowledge of success, or failure. The only person you can change, or whose behavior you can alter, is yourself. Every other thing follows suit. That is how we heal our relationships. We must lead by example.
Changing Your Think-Feel-Act Cycle
There is a popular saying, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” And since everything is energy, we often forget how true this is and how it plays out in our lives. We can be stuck in the same groove without noticing it. And then we think, where has time gone, and maybe it’s too late to change?
The good news is, as long as we are still breathing, it’s never too late to change, or to choose differently to create a different outcome.
All things in the Universe is energy vibrating at various frequencies, and so does our thoughts. This is highly relevant in the think-feel-act cycle of our mind-body connection. Our thoughts have an effect on our feelings, and then our actions, which ultimately produce outcome in our lives.
Our thoughts and feelings can even affect our body and physical health, as well as how a situation will play out in our relationships, finances, daily habits and lifestyle choices.
In relationships, it’s important to look at how we view ourselves first, as it has a direct relationship on how others will react to us. How we think, feel and act can make a big difference in relationship outcomes with friends, lovers, co-workers and family.
Improving Your Emotional Responses To Change
Change is inevitable, yet most people don’t know how to manage, or accept it. Living to the fullest is about constantly adapting to different stimuli and changing situations, as we go about our daily lives.
The change I am referring to is not about major socio-economic changes or political events in the world. I’m talking about personal growth, life transitions, and emotional and psychological challenges.
Knowing that personal changes and challenges are inevitable in our lives, how does one handle it in a more positive manner? First and foremost, you have to have the desire and will to succeed in making a change for the better. It must come from within, or it will feel as if it is being forced upon you.
Let’s look, for example, into emotional changes as a result of circumstances or events we may be able to control, or not. Emotional expression is innate in all of us. We can however choose how, and when, to express our emotions, and to what degree. For some of us this is easier said than to done, but never impossible. We can choose to be happy, sad, or even mad. How we choose to react in any given situation is the one thing in life we always can control.
To change a negative emotional response, we have to first understand what brings on that emotion and how the trigger affects us in a given situation. We must acknowledge the stimulus, as well as the emotion I tends to trigger. Finally we must choose how to address it, so it no longer is a negative response.