pain
Dealing With A Narcissistic Partner
We all know at least one narcissist. It’s that toxic person in your life who seems charming and likable at first, but is actually extremely self-centered, has an inflated ego, shows no empathy or remorse, and can even become abusive. But what if that person is your partner, or someone you love?
Narcissists want to control. They want others to see them as important, superior and in charge. To a narcissist, someone who suffers from compromised self-esteem, is easy prey, which is why many people who have a narcissistic partner find it difficult to break it off.
Abuse is not always physical. It also takes the form of verbal insults, emotional manipulation or gaslighting, withholding affection, and unequal sharing of duties. All of these forms of abuse feed into a narcissist’s egotism. Narcissists typically try to rope their partners into joining into these negative, harmful relationship patterns.
So, what do you do when you find yourself attached to an abusive narcissist? At first, it’s easy to try and explain away their abusive behavior by citing times when they shows affection, brought gifts, or offered kindness and emotional support. They are good at pretending, but don’t be fooled.
Setting up healthy and definitive boundaries is the first and best defense. Know that you have the right to say no at any time! Falling for gaslighting, emotional manipulation and blackmail is an easy trap, and most narcissists are masters at these psychological games. If you’re unsure of yourself, role-play with a trusted friend or counselor, or read up on the subject. Like most difficult things in life, it takes practice.
Ignoring The Signs In Matters Of The Heart
Many years ago, while consoling my best friend after a major breakup, it came to me that she was doing everything possible to continue holding on to what Spirit was removing from her life.
Sitting next to her, as she held on to her laptop hoping to find her lover’s name amidst emails, was like witnessing a tragedy. It was a heartbreak that most of us will experience at some point in our lives, either directly or indirectly.
After a year-long courtship, the ‘man of her dreams’ suddenly began to distance himself without any explanation. The calls became less, the frequent text messages disappeared, and there were no longer any plans on the calendar for their usual weekend outings.
I offered my friend a shoulder to cry on, and searched my mind for the appropriate, most comforting words to speak, but I could feel her gradually pulling away. All that mattered to her at that moment was establishing a deeper connection with her missing-in-action lover.
My friend resisted my recommendation to slow down, to find her center, and most of all… to let go. Instead, she suddenly bolted from her chair, threw on her coat and scarf, and fled the scene.
Several hours later, I received a frantic call from her. While parked outside of her boyfriend’s apartment, she saw him leave with his arm around another woman. Apparently, it was very clear from their mutual displays of affection, that he was in love with someone else.
Months went by, with my friend still holding on to the false hope that her love would someday return. Meanwhile, several very nice men attempted to get her attention, but she turned down each and every one. She even received a lucrative job offer, that came with a coveted geographical relocation, but she refused it. She turned her back on this amazing opportunity for fear of moving too far away from her ex.
Embracing Scorpio Season
Starting today, October 23rd until November 22nd, the Sun will be transiting Scorpio, which is the best time to increase your spiritual awareness and heightening your psychic abilities. The ‘veil’ between the living and the departed becomes ‘thinner’ during this time, and important messages are transmitted at this time through dreams, magic and meditation.
People and situations who are a hindrance to your personal growth and spiritual expansion, are often revealed and removed during Scorpio season, but only if one is willing to go beyond the surface and see something for what it really is.
The scorpion can creep up on its enemy and silence it with one quick hit from its poisonous tail. Scorpios are often a few steps ahead of everyone else, and are some of those most brilliant artists, performer, healers, and teachers, as well as very loyal friends… as long as you stay on their good side!
They are often feared, or envied by others, especially because they always insist on the truth, and easily recognize deception, insincerity and a lack of authenticity in others.
The mythical phoenix is also associated with this zodiac sign, because it signifies the death and rebirth of the self, in order to to transform the soul and become the best version of who you really are.
Regardless of your sun sign, the current transit through Scorpio is inviting you to release the old, so you can achieve increased self-love, and gain the understanding of what needs to be done in order to move forward. It can be emotional and painful, but worth the sacrifice in the long run.
The Power You Hold Within
There are days in everyone’s life when it feels as if you are at the end of your rope, and unable to face another day. These are actually the times that you have the most power!
When you are stressed, frustrated or lacking in energy, take time to go within and tap into your inner guidance. Quiet your mind, just for a few minutes, breathe and allow your guides and angels to connect with your energy. It doesn’t matter what type of energy you have going at the moment; it can be negative, positive, angry, happy, sad. It simply does not matter.
Once your guides connect with you, they can either enhance the positive energy, or they can take the negative energy away. They have the ability to lessen the pain, the anxiety, the frustration. They are also able to show you a new path, to enable you to walk away from the drama in your life.
It is vital to “cast your worries and cares to a Higher place.” When you let your guides and angels take these things off your shoulders, you will start to see a clearer path ahead. It won’t happen immediately, but with practice you will find that there is insignificance in most of the issues and drama. Even the ‘big stuff’ will just not feel as big anymore.
Relationships are a huge area of stress for many. Too often someone has chosen the wrong partner to spend their life with. Yet, when the relationship eventually falls apart, they often feel that the end of their world is upon them. They even believe their mismatched partner is the only person that will ever make them happy. This way of thinking is wrong in every way. No one else can make you happy. True happiness comes from within.
The Spirit Rituals Of Life – Part 3
Pain can just make things downright miserable. We can have the best of everything: a great job; a wonderful, caring spouse; a wonderful home; wealth and luxury; the list goes on, but if you’re in emotional pain, or suffering from a chronic illness, it is very difficult to connect spiritually… let alone do anything uplifting every day.
But, committing to rituals that are good for us every day, can help relieve the pain. I have many clients who suffer from fibromyalgia, depression, and all kinds of pain. One thing that I can say for sure is that whatever may help or work for one person, may not for another. Each person needs to be helped on a individual level.
I have found that emotional pain is sometimes just as painful as physical pain. Those that have lost loved ones sometimes don’t want to get out of bed, just like my client who suffers from migraines, she just wants to lay in bed most days with the shades drawn and to be left alone.
While I was alone in the woods, I asked some questions regarding pain, and how pain can help us to take action to connect with more happiness or contentment.
How can we relieve physical pain? Spirit says, “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes me stronger.” Do things that help alleviate pain. For example, one of my clients suffered from severe osteoarthritis and arthritis, so she took it upon herself to start taking supplements that build up the joints and help cushion the bones when they grind against each other. She said that this one little daily ritual is what has saved her from experiencing the pain on a grand scale. It has minimized her discomfort remarkably.
Love, Joy And Happiness After Years Of Hardship
I have a client who used to be extremely depressed. I recommend she speak to a therapist or counselor instead, because I felt that is exactly what she needed at the time. She had been harboring a lot of bitterness, grief, sadness, anger and other toxic negative emotions for a very long time. She needed professional help that I felt was beyond my scope of expertise.
So, she found a therapist and went for counseling, but months later she told me that the only thing she felt she accomplished was her spending thousands of dollars on help she never really received. She had still found no relief from her deep distress.
She had been bitter for a long time. While raising her children and attending church, her husband would cheat on her. She also worked the entire time the children were young, until they graduated. Meanwhile, he would leave on ‘business trips’ to go and gamble away their hard-earned livelihood, and spend time with other women. Then one day, he met someone he wanted to marry. So, they divorced and he moved far away to be with his new wife. He was a narcissist.
Her sadness and grief was also due to the loss of her mother, whom she had taken care of for 20 years after her father passed. She sacrificed a lot to dedicate herself to serving her mother’s needs. During this time she had no notion of self-care. She suffered on all levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually. She even gave up going to church. She was slowly dying inside and didn’t even know who she was anymore.
Extend Yourself The Grace Of Forgiveness
If you are an empath you may believe that forgiveness should be easy for you, or at least easier than it is for others. But I’ve spoken to many empaths and highly sensitive people over the years who all struggle with forgiveness.
One of the main issues with forgiveness for the empath is that we feel another’s emotions intensely, literally as our own. This muddies the waters considerably, because it tends to blur boundaries. Blurred boundaries can often lead to a closed mouth for an empath. Why? Because it is difficult for us, especially in childhood or in romantic relationships, to know where we end and another begins.
It is easy for others to manipulate appropriate boundaries with an empath, or to erase them altogether. All the empath knows is that there is pain, sadness, a sense of frustration, or anger. If you are an empath, then the question becomes are you angry with them, or yourself? Should you have been able to foresee the catastrophe happening, the relationship ending, job imploding, and so on. This leads to self-doubt and the rehashing of incidents that occurred years ago…with no resolution.
In the meantime, every time an empath thinks about the situation, past or present, we feel it…and the cycle continues.
Yes, you are empathic, intuitive, even psychic, but that does not make you immune to being human, neither does it make you all-knowing or all-seeing, especially when it comes to your own life, childhood or relationships.