When He Disappears Into His Cave

He tells you that he loves you, always wants to be with you, and can’t seem to get enough of you. He calls and texts you all the time, and you’re feeling this is it… the perfect relationship! You love the way he makes you feel. He must be ‘the one.’ Then all of a sudden he’s gone…

He is not contacting you anymore. No calls, no texts, no dates, no nothing. What happened? Where did he go? Well he went into his ‘cave.’ That is where men go when they realize they have moved to fast, or when they feel that they are getting too attached.

Men retreat into their cave to take a break and think about what comes next. They will stay in there until they find solutions. The timing always varies for each individual guy.

Do you have patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? ~ Lao Tzu

Men tend to become more distant from their partner when things are bothering them. It then becomes bothersome for us women, because we have no idea what is going on in their minds. The best thing that we can do is to give them the time and space that they need to figure things out. It can feel torturous, because it makes us feel very vulnerable, and I can be a very scary time if you don’t keep yourself centered and grounded.

Men are not like us; they think differently than women do. Men need time to calculate their feelings and think things through. Please understand, they are not doing this on purpose, or trying to deliberately hurt you. It might sound selfish on his part, but this is the only way he knows how to handle this.

Does he think of you while he is in that cave? Yes, he does, but it can sometimes add to his stress and cause him to stay away even longer. When we try to reach out we must be careful not to do it too much.

It can be very hard to stay patient. I always recommend that you leave him be and allow him to get in touch with you when he feels ready. We have our own journeys to pay attention to in the meantime, so use this time wisely.

After his return, he will visit the cave again from time to time. You will notice it right away, because he will begin to have mood swings, become distant, and his body language will seem different. They have to fix what is bothering them, and we can’t do it for them. It makes us feel helpless and we want to reach out, but not until he is out of that cave.

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then ~ Katharine Hepburn

This is a time when a woman has to let go of her instincts to nurture and care. Instead focus all of that energy on yourself. This is a time for you to catch up on doing some things that make you happy, or that you have been wanting to do.

Remember, he is not pushing you away, or out of his life, Ultimately it will refresh and renew the relationship. He will find the answers he is seeking, and once he comes out of the cave, he will be yours again. This would be a very important time to talk about your concerns and always keep things open so that communication can feel relaxed and honest. Then you can both focus on each other once more. He will appreciate you so much more if you can stay patient when he visits his cave.