Authentic Feelings Are Not Always ‘Sunshine And Rainbows’
What a comfortable, easy life this would be if everyone could just feel like ‘sunshine and rainbows’ all the time. The truth is that the many of the most worthwhile things in life do not come from ‘easy’ and ‘comfortable.’ And when we suppress our true feelings, it is ultimately detrimental to our health body, mind, and spirit.
Revealing our true feelings does not come easily for many of us. I am not trying to make up an excuse, but I just was not brought up that way. My parents’ generation were masters of the art of concealing their true feelings, good or bad. When I am doing a mediumship reading, and a departed parent or grandparent shows up, they often say things like, “I wish I told you more often how much I love you.”
I could count on one hand the moments in my childhood that I can remember my parents showing affection for each other in front of us children. Those of us who had been brought up in such a stoic family environment, tend to struggle when are encouraged to express our deepest emotions. As an adult, I do however see the bigger picture today. And I do feel it is necessary to express one’s feelings in a considerate and healthy way.
In my family my parents also never argued in front of us kids. My dad just gave my mom the silent treatment. We grew up thinking he was just be the ‘strong silent type.’ Consequently, I felt that this was what communication in a marriage should be like.
Of course, reality hit me badly with my first marriage, when my ex-husband and I had our first serious argument! I thought it meant the marriage was now over, because I had no coping skills or frame of reference for this kind of authentic self-expression in a relationship. I also had no clue how to have a good, healthy argument.
No More Procrastination
Do you also procrastinate? Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished by a certain deadline. Or do you sometimes intentionally delay the completion of a task, despite knowing it might have negative consequences? Ninety five percent of people procrastinate at some point in life.
To break the habit of procrastination we must find some self-compassion when a task at hand causes us stress just thinking about tackling it. Some tasks just seem too big or overwhelming, and we can’t seem to motivate ourselves to get it done.
Procrastination makes most people feel guilt and shame. For some extreme procrastinators, negative feelings may trigger another reason not to complete a task. Only to become a vicious cycle of self-defeat. Most procrastinators tend to put off endings, as well as beginnings and commitments.
I have a close friend that has all kinds of ideas for a book she is writing. While collecting material, she put of starting the actual writing for three years. She felt she needed several points of view about the subject matter. She always needed one more.
Now, 13 years later, she can’t seem to stop writing the same book. The idea of being an author just feels so good to her now. The added benefit of this is that whenever she is asked what she has been up to, she loves to say, “I’m writing a book.”.
Are We There Yet?
Are we there yet? It’s okay to ask. The answer, however, should always be no. If we become preoccupied with destination, we lose sight of the joy and purpose of the journey in the first place. When we honor the journey, we are able to keep on the path of forward motion.
Life itself is the journey. We learn the hard lessons, and finally understand that it’s a never-ending process. Often things occur in the guise of mistakes, failures, misunderstandings, hurts. But in truth, not learning from these events is the only failure. And if you don’t learn it the first time, it is highly likely the lesson will repeat itself, over and over again, until you actually do learn it.
When our behavior and actions change, we convert what we have learned into wisdom. For some people the process is a lifelong quest, while others utilize what they have learned and it moves them along quickly. Some people need to go deeper within themselves to make progress.
It is always good to ask if we are there yet. Especially at the beginning of every journey, or when the learned lessons tell us there is more work to be done – inner work to get to the very core of our being. For some people inner work can be very frightening, as many of us deeply suppress the things that we don’t want to deal with. But to complete the journey we must peel away the layers, like peeling an onion.
When We Fear The Turning Of The Tide
At this time in our world each person must examine their own thoughts and feelings on important issues. You might ask, “What does it matter what I think or feel? I am only one person nobody cares about my opinion!” Well, if everyone felt their voice did not matter, we would never create any change in our world.
It can be very difficult to find your own voice sometimes. To find your voice is to go within and discover your own truth. Each of us have a unique view of the world we live in.
It can be very challenging to speak your mind, especially is a group situation where others think differently. We often remain silent, because we fear rejection if we should stand alone in our beliefs and opinions.
The opinions of others can make us question our own judgment and shake our confidence. We become self-critical. Feelings of fear arise in us. We doubt our ability to express ourselves in a way that others will respect and understand.
The opposite is true also. When things are going along just fine in our personal world, it is often hard to realize and understand that not all people think and feel they way we do. People tend to associate for the most part with others that think and feel the same way.
It is easy to get comfortable in our own world, and avoid what is going on around us. But some point we will have no choice but to pull our head out of the sand. Even if we don’t realize it, the energy of a changing tide does affect all of us.
The Rosary Reflections Of A Spiritualist
Some of us are merely going through the motions every day, doing what we think others expect of us, doing the ‘should’ we put on ourselves. Living life by rote. I equate this to saying prayer beads. It becomes almost an unconscious act. So, when something unexpected happens, like the coronavirus pandemic, and we are forced to slow down, or even come to a complete halt, we are suddenly confronted with our own truths.
For some of us, the only things that then come to mind are all the things that we perceive we have done ‘wrong’ in the past. We feel guilt over all the people we have disappointed or hurt. We mourn the relationships that did not go the distance. We obsess over the skeletons in our own personal closet.
When we get into this mindset of shame and regret, it affects our immune system and our well-being. The ‘poor me, bad me, angry me’ turns into a very ‘toxic me.’ When the world seems to be falling apart, the mind does a life review. We let the fear and regret creep in. What if there really is an afterlife, even if you have always said, “I don’t believe in heaven and hell.” The ‘what if’s’ in life can really do a number on us. When faced with uncertain times it is only natural to think about our own mortality, and our failures and past mistakes.
One thing I find that really helps, is to reflect on the good memories. Let the unpleasant ones come and go, and not reside in your mind. Thoughts are such powerful things, especially when you are still reflecting on things at 3am in the morning, while you should be sleeping. These worries and bad memories are usually things we can’t do anything about, even if we desperately want to.
When things seem out of control, flip the switch. Reflect instead on all the things you have accomplished. Think about things in your life that have brought you great joy. Times that even one person said good job. People that have said “I hear you,” and “you matter to me.”
Coping With Anxiety In Times Of Uncertainty
There’s a lot of uncertainty in the world at the moment. The year 2020 is fast becoming a year of rapid and dramatic changes, like the world has not seen in a very long time. And we are only three months into it!
Some anxiety is a normal part of everyone’s life. Currently, the world news is full of reports producing fear and anxiety for many people. The key is how each individual will be handling the news.
Especially highly sensitive and empathic people, like myself, are having to deal with the intense daily energy of our current reality. As I’m writing this blog, I can feel my own anxious feelings surging about the current coronavirus pandemic.
There are many ways to relieve anxious feelings. Whatever produces the anxious feelings is either real, or imagined. Either way, it is each person’s reality that matters. If it is real to you, then that is your reality.
It is my belief we are all in this together, and we will get through it together. My own mind feels like it is on a roller coaster ride. My rational mind says we are doing all we can to control what’s going on, only to hear something an hour later that brings some new fear and anxiety.
Riding the wave of emotion, not denying our feelings, but also not wallowing in fear, helps us to have hope and find our inner strength. Having hope, and doing the best each of us possibly can to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe, is all we can do. Continue reading
How To Gain Confidence
Confidence isn’t about feeling superior to others. Confidence simply means feeling sure of yourself and your abilities, but not in an arrogant way. It’s the quiet, inner knowledge that you are capable. Confident people feel ready for everyday challenges.
For some of us it takes years of trial and error to gain self-confidence. Most people are their own worst critic. They judge themselves much harder than others would. And some will never feel good enough, or worthy of all the good things life has to offer.
Confidence really isn’t something that anyone else can give you. If you are not feeling confident, no matter how much praise and affirmation others may offer you, it will just fall on deaf ears. If you don’t believe it yourself, you simply will not hear it, or feel it.
As a psychic medium, it took me a few times of demonstrating for large groups to feel confident in myself and my mediumship. I have always trusted the spirit world to provide validation for the continuity of consciousness. The spirit world always brings forth messages and advice for clients without judgment. Spirit is consistently loving and kind, bringing forth messages for the highest good of my clients.
One of the biggest challenges for most, if not all psychic mediums, is the fear of ‘getting it wrong.’ Well, spirit never gives incorrect information. As humans we may interpret what we are seeing, hearing, and feeling incorrectly, but the original message is never inaccurate. The medium is just the messenger in the middle – and we are human and fallible. Therefore, in a mediumship session with me, I always try not to interpret too much of what I’m hearing, seeing and feeling. I just give the information with a basic sense of trust.